This world is not the one we have been accustomed to over the years. Our present world is, in fact, dangerous. As a widow, you have to watch everyone and everything. I may sound overly cautious, but trust me, I'm not.

The more I hear and the more I read, the more I love living solo. Am I missing out on anything in life? Heck no. I'm living it the way I prefer to, without worrying about my safety, whether mentally or physically. Too many kooks.

I know we live in dangerous times, but I can't help being optimistic. You have to get back into as normal a life as you can. You can't live scared and unhappy forever. That will take too great a toll on you emotionally. Your spouse would never have wanted you to stop living just because he or she did. That would be a horrible way to spend the rest of your life, missing out on all the love that is still in the world. Reach out and grab life, but be cautious of those who would seek to take advantage of you. Not everyone in the world is horrible or out to get us. Just look at all the wonderful people on this site!! :)

In our loss and the grief we share one could consider the world a dangerous place, a place of sadness due to the separation and our happiness we were robbed of. I have been on this journey of sadness and loss for 19 months, it is getting better, the hurt is eased...the loneliness ...well..BUT this is 19 months of the consequence of loving and suffering the sadness of loss. I had 15 years of the happiest time in my life and many years prior to that were spent with happiness. I have lived through life's disappointments, it's struggles and achievements all a part of learning. Though we are suffering sadness now, life is not to be lived thinking of the risk of pain because we dared to care.
I could have missed the pain but I'd have had to miss the dance.

I especially like " we risk loving anyway, and the pain and loss that comes is not given to us as a personal test, but simply as a consequence of being alive. "
I don' t think the world is any more dangerours than it has been, but sometimes I just get really scared, and very lonely but I keep going, and hoping/ crying sometimes laughing and someday maybe singing and dancing again.

Wouldn't have missed it for the world, the pain that is so deep,
comes from a love that was deep.... thus the pain & loss come
with the territory of loving ..... for if we did not love we would not
experience pain with their loss....

I totally understand what you are talking about. Working in the Criminal Court System you would not believe the things that people do. My kids tell me mom you worry too much, but I see it in court everyday. The domestic abuse by strangulation, child molesters, drug addicts, rapist, murderers, burglars, they were all someones child at one time and they come from all walks of life. Just because they made one bad decision after another. And then you see the Civil side where the divorces and child support are, it made me glad that I had such a great guy and told the single girls at work how lucky I was not to have to worry like they do. And then the next day he was gone. Now I am left in this crazy world alone. Yes, I have my grown children and grandchildren but it's not the same. And if I were to date anyone I would have to totally have a background check on them to even consider bringing them around my grandkids. Even all the attorney's at work told me they would have to give approval because they don't want someone to blindside me. Oh well if it's meant to be I would hope that John would have a hand in sending me a Great Guy that would love me, my kids and grandkids because we are a package deal and a pretty great one at that. Hugs, Andree'

I do agree the world is a dangerous place...but I also believe that God is ultimately in control.
So when my husband was killed in an accident, and I almost find it hard to use the words accident..because I believe that we leave this world just as God wills.
Does it stop my pain...no, not in the least...I think one of the hardest parts for me, is knowing he saw it coming ..he tried to get out of the way...but thats wasnt God's plan.
I feel that death is a personal test....we will all lose someone..its inevitable... its how we handle it that makes us or breaks us.
I choose to stay close as I can to Jesus, knowing He will see me through this time that I have left, until I am reunited with my husband.
Yes...many time my joy is stolen in this world...but my hope is not....for this is not my home. Blessing~ Debbie

I love the point made by Tpoulos - that we hurt so deeply because we loved so deeply. The pain is so hard at times - I never knew emotional pain coul dbe so sharp and long. It is two years next week for me and my family...a significant moment in the grief journey. With the beautiful marriage many of us were blessed with, somes the question and the wondering, if it is possible to have another as sweet; or is it even worth trying? The risks of rejection, of hurt, of repeated pain, of the deceitfulness of some, of another loss. Life suddenly went from beautiful and predictible to something very different.

Thumbs up Debbie424, I could not have said it better!

Hugs to All
Phil 4:13
Christine

I think Debbie424 put it best - "its how we handle it that makes us or breaks us. "

The world always has been and always will be a dangerous place. Tumultuous change has always been a part of our lives, I think especially our generations - look at all the change just in our lifetimes in the world - far more than our parents or grandparents. Change is easier to cope with when you have someone loving you and sharing the burden, so while our spouses were alive, it was dangerous and tumultuous but it didn't matter quite so much.

I think that initially everything is terrifying when you are widowed. It takes awhile to find some kind of balance. The exhaustion of the first many months also numbs you and DE-motivates you to make some of the changes that help. Eventually, you move through the numbness and get fed up with doing nothing and get pro-active about it.

The more in charge you feel of your life, the less scary it feels. The more of your personal power you give over to others, then yes, the more vulnerable you will be to the kooks and scammers, etc. That actually has nothing to do with whether you have a partner or stay solo. It has more to do with how you view yourself and your place in the world and how pro-active you are about it.

It's a struggle, I think, to accept those things we cannot control and to likewise be actively involved and engaged in changing the things we can. Sometimes it's hard to know which is which. That's why The Serenity Prayer still rings true for me.

It will get better. Hang in there. Love and Hugs, Martha

I work in a homeless shelter. I hear how people are disheartened to the point of not being able to move one step in any direction. It is my job to give people hope and help steer them into the right direction (for them).

It is easy if our day to day lives are inundated with negatives to believe that the world is a negative place. We have suffered great great loss ourselves.

20 years ago if something horrible happened across the planet we wouldn't hear about it for two weeks. Now we have the best communication system (satelite) tv so we can not only hear about it, we can see it all...the devastation on the peoples faces as it is happening. We get that 24/7 on the news. We see loss, heartache, pain, suffering, on and on and on and on. No matter we are a depressed people!

Now my take on it. What is going "right" with the world. We are blind to it. I look out the window and I see someone help a child or elder across the road, or see a car stop to let someone cross, or I see a traffic all going in the same direction, people smiling at each other and waving to each other to greet "hello." I see the rain water the flowers and trees, I see sunshine open up the sky to a beautiful day and people going to work to do the best that they can at their jobs. 95% of the world is running smoothly. Yet we focus on the 5% that is not.

We remember the extremes. We are only human so I forgive us, but we do not remember what is right. We have legs to walk, eyes to see, a smile to share. All that we have there is someone out there that does not have it. So many of us have homes, food to eat, clothes on our backs. We have water to drink and shoes on our feet.

Mostly we have the ability to see past ourselves and to do something positive today to lift the spirits of "someone" that we come into contact with. No matter who we are and how much we suffer we can extend a smile or a hand to someone else who is also suffering.

In this way "WE" change the world...one tired soul at a time.

I am only human so I will take my turn complaining because that is what we humans do. But for this moment in time I will stop right now and say the world is mostly a beautiful place. Thank God for this day that I have been given!! Thank God for all of you!!!

hugs to all...
-Diana

Our very sense of trust in the world is knocked when we lose the one dearest to us. It leaves one feeling vulnerable, scared and unprotected. Thankfully that sense of disequilibrium begins to wane as the months do by. Yes, the world is and always has been a dangerous place. But I can't help thinking of the lyrics of the song made popular by Louis Armstrong, It's a Wonderful World:

I see trees of green, red roses too
I see them bloom, for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

I see skies of blue, and clouds of white
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

The colors of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces, of people going by
I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do
They're really saying, I love you.

I hear babies cry, I watch them grow
They'll learn much more, than I'll never know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Yes I think to myself, what a wonderful world.
Oh yeah...

We are all scared to death about living our lives, but you are all such inspirations to me - thank you. This is the first post I am reading this morning.'' What a Wonderful World ''is the greatest song Amy. I am so lucky to have found this site Have a safe and happy day. xoxo Vicki

Diana -- you write so beautifully!! Thank you for being a blessing to so many others. Hugs, Nancee