Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My spirit was lifted when I read of the devotion that the ladies expressed for their husbands, but I am struggling a bit with the "guy thing" as it relates to our conception of love and what we feel about our wives. I'm not shy anymore about baring my soul here, because nobody has laughed at me or challenged my manhood for doing so, and I feel a certain cleansing of my "self" when I do so. To that end, I really would like to hear from my "brothers in grief", not so much to validate my own feelings, but to learn of the ways in which other men regard the memories of their wives. So I'll start with another song; a song that captures the essence of my thoughts of my Barbara:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUAVW4v5eB8&feature=related
There's a lover's moon tonight
As I look back over my shoulder
All the stars are shining bright
Just like the nights when I used to hold her
She's out there somewhere under the Lover's Moon
Lover's Moon, won't you shine on me
I'm dancing with a memory
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have one last chance to hold her tight
Waiting, I know she's waiting
I know she waits for me under the Lover's Moon
There's a Lover's Moon tonight
Shining down on half of this world
So many souls are in its light
But for me there is just one girl
And she's waiting
I know she's waiting
I know she waits for me under the Lover's Moon
Under the Lover's Moon
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUAVW4v5eB8&feature=related
There's a lover's moon tonight
As I look back over my shoulder
All the stars are shining bright
Just like the nights when I used to hold her
She's out there somewhere under the Lover's Moon
Lover's Moon, won't you shine on me
I'm dancing with a memory
I wish I may, I wish I might
Have one last chance to hold her tight
Waiting, I know she's waiting
I know she waits for me under the Lover's Moon
There's a Lover's Moon tonight
Shining down on half of this world
So many souls are in its light
But for me there is just one girl
And she's waiting
I know she's waiting
I know she waits for me under the Lover's Moon
Under the Lover's Moon
I'm not sure I completely understand your question, or if I do, how to express myself. The memory of my wife is the most precious thing I have. All the things I keep, the pictures, and the special songs evoke memories. My hope is that one day I will be able to experience these memories in a joyous context. Right now, some things just remind me of what I have lost.
I think you got the essence of it, my friend. For you expressed yourself quite eloquently. And though it can be difficult, sharing those memories with those of us who need it, can result in them becoming quite joyous, and less painful...........thanks for sharing, and more importantly, thank you for your friendship.....Joe...:-)
Also, I think we boys are raised to maintain the facade of strength at any cost which makes it extremely difficult to open up and share our inner feelings which in fact we need to do.
I understand your music reference..every song in "our" CD collection now has a new and deeper meaning, and I have to be careful before I push "play" lest I pull yet another emotional trigger.
Thanks for the input. You nailed it. I still think that getting in touch with our feelings is healthy. Since I only met you the other day, do you care to tell us about your wife??
I find most of the men who do post here have their own thoughts about this journey and grief which aren't too far off from those of the women. In our loss our hearts feel much the same.
So my question is, do you men feel that belonging to a group like this has been helpful in your road to recovery?
Bless you all..
Linda
I've said it before - I hated joining this group, but I am so glad they were here when I needed them.
However, I tend to shy away from the posts involving music. I am not sure I have ever heard one of the songs mentioned...and I don't think some of my music would be appreciated. :) Kaaren
Bless you all as we travel this road.
Loran
If I may borrow Tim's words -- my wife was the most precious thing ever in my life. I greatly miss her, and was so much better off with her. But still I rejoice when I think of her (bittersweet perhaps, but less bitter than sweet). Man, did I have it good while she was here. I keep her pictures in spots I frequent -- dresser, nightstand, kitchen, den, work, and car. I think of her most of the day. Mentally, I have so many things associated with her; so many things remind me of her.
I also want you to know that this board has been a great help to me in this "Journey". My wife was the rock of my life and family. No one in either family ever had a bad thing to say about her. She guided me with the emotional and understanding I needed as we dealt with the trial and tribulations of raising 4 kids through teen years and some rocky adult years. Through it all we were truely a partnership as one. I am extremely blessed with having been with her for the 34 years we were together. She truely was my Very Breath and Soul. I know I am lost at this point but I always remember her words she spoke about caring and loving people. I will try to follow her example the rest of my life. I will miss her forever and always. Cannot wait to be reunited with her when my time comes as God's choise.
Respect and love don't even come close to describing how I felt about her.
Dave
My Lil Bear was my one love, from the time I was 17 we were never apart. She was all the adjectives I have seen here, my friend, my lover, my partner, my rock. I am so lost without her.
To steal a line from a song "without you, baby I'm not me"