You need to stay on this earth because even though you are lost much you are needed to help others here. You are in pain and I understand because I lost my husband and my life as I knew it. That loss shared and strength we have can make a difference in others. Right now you feel the pain as we do, but the time will come when you will find your strength in enduring and sharing what you learned, I promise.

As for others worried and upset, we can't compare our pain to theirs. I learned working in an Emergency Room that a person can be in critical condition with an ailment and another with a leg injury. Both are sufferring and in need of our love and understanding.

Right now is time for us to be here for you. Tomorrow will be your time to be here for someone else. Love and Hugs, Sharon

What Sharon said is right on the mar k..When I lost my Greg, I didn't care whether I lived or died...then I found this place..I was helped so much, and try very hard to pay that forward...

We have a PURPOSE...We never see it...but it is there all the same.

Stay here..YOU ARE NEEDED by your dad "demented" or not, and by future people you have yet to meet...

HUGS

I agree this is a wonderful site. People here do not judge anyone. We could share the sadness and even some happiness here. On another site, they just always want to dwell in sadness and don't want to hear the someone is getting better. I didn't think that was helpful at all so I don't go there anymore. My husband found out he was pre-diabetic just before he went on the business trip and I was going to help him change his diet when he return home. He died overseas. He was actually eating well rounded meals, except that in his latter years he had loved sweets which he never liked when he was younger. I feel for your loss and the difficulties dealing with family who are not caring. Thank goodness the people here cared. Wish you peace.

you need to bear in mind that some (possibly most) of the people on the depression board are not there because something tragic has happened but because they endogenously depresed, ie it's something going on in their brain chemistry. That can result in what seems to be trivial to others leading to suicidal thoughts.

so maybe the depression board isn't for you and you will find much better understanding and kinship on this board.

I've answered on your other thread that while you may be feeling that if someone didn't look after themselves then they could not care about you, that is not the way people are and I'm sure your wife did love you.

I see your post time was 3 AM. I remember nights like that. Just waiting for daylight, wishing the days would go by fast. Everything looks and feels much worse at night, I think. I pray that after that post you were able to fall asleep and now are seeing the daylight.

I don't think it's true that your wife didn't love you enough. I think she was addicted to whatever she was taking into her body and sound like she may have been depressed as well. My husband smoked all his life. When his cough got extremely terrible (like having hard time getting his breath) I thought for sure he would stop smoking, but he said he knew the damage was already done. I prayed and prayed he would quit. He paid a TERRIBLE price for that smoking, and then it rolled over on me and I am suffering the loss of him. He smoked until 30 minutes before going into surgery to have a very large tumor removed. The surgery went bad and he was in ICU and other rooms for 4 full weeks. Had a second surgery that also failed (he couldn't breathe afterwards) and was in ICU, etc for 6 more weeks. The surgeries were only 2 months apart. He suffered immensely and so did I. It was horrible.

But I don't blame him. He never would have wanted this. He just "wandered" into his lifestyle and kept hoping for the best, which was not to be. I know he loved me. I'm sure your wife loved you, too. Please don't think the fact they didn't quit some habit out of not loving you!!! People are not perfect. There are things I have done, too, that might appear to others that I didn't love them, but there are so many circumstances that we fall into and for whatever reason, are not able to climb back up and out of the pits we fall in to.

Grief will make us think all kinds of things that may not be true. We try to reason things out so we can understand them, but there are things that cannot be reasoned out. They just are. One day you will be able to look at things and understand them a little better. Especially if you keep coming here. I was feeling suicidal, too, at some points of my grief, but thank God for the people here who talked me through it. I know your pain! Please hang in there! A better day WILL come!!!! ((((HUGS)))))

This site truly is my main support. I can talk about the way I feel, the things I struggle with and I can write in a journal which I find helps a lot. If I am struggling with things then I ask questions, and although it is different for everyone, you see that you are not alone with many things that you are struggling with. This in itself is of great support, to know you are not alone, there are others on this journey, we all take different paths whilst on the journey but their are many on here that have traveled that path much longer than others, so their guidance is essential and I thank them for that guidance.

Every day I will be coming to this site, to read and sometimes respond and sometimes to ask questions, but every day I come here for the support I need to make it through the day, to have compassion, care and understanding from this group.

This site is what has pulled me through, so far. You might say something stupid, but the people here don't condemn. Actually, help you. If was sitting across from someone, talking, my doubts, fears, questions, wouldn't be explored. It is nice to get their advice, and t learn thats what you are suppostd to be doing, you are not crazy. They are there when you need them (3:00 am), not just once a week, for a couple of hours.

Everyone here are going through grief. Whether it be 1 day, or 11 years.....

This site is wonderful. I wish I had found it earlier, in the early hours of my grief. There is no judgement, just help, comfort and understanding.

Don't worry about writing at 3 am. If you need it, just do it. My timing may appear odd but I live thousands miles away from the US, but distance is irrelevant.

I know your wife loved you and still loves you. So hang on in there. We here to support you and help you through these dark days.

Big hug
All the best
Viviane

Depression is very common with someone that has lost their spouse. There are things in your life that you need to live for. Your son will need you and you will have to work at getting better, so you can take care of him. He lost his mother, he doesn't need to lose you too. Keep coming here, to vent, to cry, to get mad, do it all and get if off your chest. There are wonderful people here, that know exactly what you are going through.

Big Tight Hugs,
Paula