Very good milestone. I have similar sentiments. I have been clearing and cleaning all along, but I come to an empass with the papers and mail thing. I have moved them from bag in living room, dining room table, living room sofa, coffee table and now in my bedroom to be shredded. These are some papers that I was going through before Robert passed away 3 and 1/2 years ago. I will be going through and shredding papers tonight and tomorrow to clear out the paper clutter before the New Year gets going. Good for you New Roads, I applaud you.

I understand not touching some areas. I applaud you for your move toward the dust, its difficult to 'dive in' when you know its alot to deal with. I do not think it matters how long it takes, its good you are doing it, any positive moves are wonderful. I sure hope you get to keep your new pooch. puppy pads in one location and retraining may work but if not, you still have your loving dog

It will be 4 years next month. My dining room table is lined with paper work in little piles. The corner chair is still filled with funeral paperwork from the funeral parlor and guest book. Two funeral plants are still thriving. It is good to know I am not alone and I, too, feel like maybe I can start to go through the "stuff". Maybe next year I will even decorate a little more for Christmas. I am not depressed, it just didn't bother me to see them. Comforting in a way.

Dear Friends,
Being so new too having lost my Wife, was thinking it would be decades before I had the nerve to clear the various funeral papers, mail, Misc & various items scattered around the Home. Appreciate hearing your feelings that now comfortable with looking at the dust of things of prior years after the passing of your spouses! So I can wait and be comfortable knowing that a time will come when I too will know!
Thanks very much, I hope gentle thoughts, much love, and gentle hugs to each on this day!

I have started giving the garbage man 2 extra big bags a week. Things are looking pretty good here. Just 2 extra bags a week, if you keep it small and simple it won't seem so overwellming.

Peace to you
Dually

Wonderful, but if you find it is not time, don't beat yourself up about it. If the dresser needs a good cleaning and you can't follow through with your milestone, why not put things in a box and leave it out so it reminds you that the task needs to be completed.

I'm over 3 years too. My husband's golf and bowling stuff is still in the garage, covered by plastic bags. I have no intention of parting with them. There is also a small section in his closet that house some of his favorite articles of clothing. They aren't going anywhere either.

You do what is in your heart and soul. If you can and be proud of yourself, go for it. If not, it is only your business.

I am with you on this. I have been cleaning out junks early on perhaps it felt as if I am rid of the pain that way. It was hard to remove some of his personal clothing and shoes for donations. It felt like I am getting rid a part of him. My younger daughter was not happy that I consigned his sports car for sale. Now she realized I had to do it. It just cost too much for me to support 3 vehicles. I still kept his golf set and mine covered under plastics and half of his clothing still in the closet. Yesterday I sorted his sport caps and hats for the ones I would keep. As our friends here said to do it in small batches, will make it easier to handle.

You are being too hard on yourself and I don't think you should feel embarrassed at all. We all travel this journey of grief at our own pace. I glad you're able to take this step forward and hope that you can gain a measure of pride that you have made it this far. Good luck and best wishes for continued strength and hope in 2013.
Judy

I have slowly removed some of the things as I felt I was ready to let them go. There is still a picture of his motorcycle on the frig and a picture of the two of us at our son's wedding in the livingroom. There is no rule that everything must go and if there was I wouldn't follow it. Only you decide what remains and what needs to be displayed.

I also have his book from the funeral service as well as my parents. They are nestled in a cabinet. I started letting go of some things around the house, but when in doubt I kept what I wanted.

I say this because you need to let go of some that you choose, but keep the momentos you chose also. No pressure, just doing what feels right in your life. Sharon

I have that same dresser problem! Its not 3 yrs old though, its bills & paperwork I can't seem to get to.
Happy New Years Eve Kathleen, I hope its a better one for all of us.

I took my Christmas tree down a couple days after Christmas. A relative said, Aren't you gonna leave it up until New Year's Day? It supposedly means you'll have good luck in the new year. I said that I had taken down my tree AFTER Jan. 1 every year, and I'm still waiting for that dose of good luck. It hasn't come through yet! LOL!

I got rid of things in chunks. Tackling Cliff's office was probably the worst - burned out the shredder with that one! But I wanted to say that having had to choose what I could bring easily because I have moved thousands of miles, selecting what mementoes came with me and been brought since I moved to England, I have brought the things that were reminiscent of his life, not of his death. All those kind condolence cards, etc., are in a box in a shed in Florida. Here in England, I have his photos, guitar picks, poems, love letters, etc.

I had to choose what I wanted to hang onto. I guess we all do. It takes time for the strength to build to a point where you can do it. I am happy for you that you are finally at that point. I am sure it will be hard but worthwhile to do an early spring clean.

Here's to a better year for all of us!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I thought I got rid of so much and had everything else in a trunk in my closet. I do have the trunk and it is the perfect size because I can bring it out when I want to and put it away when I need to. I have gotten rid of so much, but there still is a whole bunch of things in the basement. Mostly paperwork.. They mostly are buried now though because my daughter, son in law, and three children moved in a year and a half ago and there stuff just kind of grew over and around what I had in the basement. I just so want to clean it all out and I can't even get to it anymore. I had bought a shredder at a thrift store and it doesn't work. I so need a really really good one.

I think that the best clean outs come after we have tripped over stuff far far too long and we just need to move it to be able to live.It is like we become victims of our stuff first though...

-hugs...
-Diana

Good for you, that is indeed a sign of change from your norm the past three years. I, on the other hand lost my wonderful husband just this past August, and I did the opposite. I carried on just as he knew me, always keeping everything caught up. I go through all the paper work, shred unneeded documents, clean like crazy, etc. However when it came to changing accounts, documents, car titles, and things like that, (legal documents), into just my name, I really had a hard time.

In fact, I am still being reminded at our bank that I must change our accounts. I get very annoyed at that for some reason.... maybe because then I will really be on my own, alone. Seeing our names appear with the "&" on them still seems very right to me, and that's how I still see us. I feel comforted seeing his name with mine, safe. I'm still very much half of a whole.... with him being the other half. I'm not ready to take the "&" out of my life... I wonder if I ever will be?

Tiffy Too, I read your post. Please do not take his name off the account yet. I took my husband name off one account at one bank, and when I went to his other bank, they advised me not to do so. The reason being that checks may still come in his name only. With his name still on the account you can go see the bank manager and cash any and all checks that have his name only.

I didn't think I would receive any checks, but guess what I did. They came from unexpected sources. Clubs he belonged to, car dealership, etc. Because his name is still on the account I was able to cash them without a problem. So, please don't be so quick to remove his name. I think "&" is okay. I still like to see my husband's name on mail with mine as well. Take care.