Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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The small things and silly things and I cry

Lois11
Lois11
Yesterday My Great-grandson was here with me.. He wanted to watch Chuggington in his Poppa's room on the computer.. Ken had two monitors set up to his computer so he could play poker or watch a movie and our little Great-grandson who was 2 would sit on the side of his bed and watch this show on the little monitor with his sippy cup and gummi bears Poppa always gave him.. Yesterday Chuggington come on and little one wanted to watch it like he used to..I said sorry bud but Gram doesn't know how or where on Poppa's computer he had the show stored.. He looked at me and said I miss Poppa I wish he was back here.. I said I know fighting back tears So do I.. He then asked again where Poppa was I said he had to go to Heaven remember he is up in the sky with the sun, clouds, moon and stars.. He said yes there is a big bright star that's him.. by this time I'm hiding tears.. He just turned 3 on June 11th.. Such an smart little guy with an old soul.. He was so Poppa's buddy..
now today I get out Ken's favorite fry pan his electric one he used it all the time.. This is the first time I am using it and I started to cry.. silly I said so to my self..
My daughter wants me to go to grief councilling but I really can't as we many have a law suit pending on what the coroner;s inquest finds.. so can't speak to anyone.. somedays I think I'm doing better then others I'm losing it..
it's the silly things that really get to me and I'm finding I still can't talk about Ken without crying.. I'm trying on the phone talking to anyone to hold it back.. it's hard 15 weeks today and counting..
deleted_user
deleted_user
That happens. Those little things can throw you for a loop. I remember throwing away a stale box of Captain Crunch....a cereal only my husband liked....and crying buckets as I did it. Come to think of it though, it was always the little things that got to me....like socks hanging out the dresser drawer. How I'd love to see that again now.
kkzimm
kkzimm
Are you sure you can't talk with a counselor? Isn't that priveleged information that can't affect a lawsuit? Just asking, wouldn't want you to miss out on something that may be helpful for you.
Karen
deleted_user
deleted_user
Boy does this hit home today...I was in the bathroom shaving this evening getting ready for work. I was looking in the mirror when I noticed the tattoo on my arm. The heart, our names in it, just why I got it in the first place. Just to show her just how much I loved her. Told her when her name rubbed off she would be gone (just joking to her she knew it), funny thing is her name did start going away. Had her name redone darker.

Had to stop shaving for awhile, boy do I miss her. It is the little things.
Wmsbaby
Wmsbaby
Yep it's all those little things that get ya. The big things you try to steel yourself for but those little things that no one else understands will bring you to your knees everytime. I remember cooking etoufee one day per my daughters request after my husband passed away It was also the last meal that my husband had requested I cook after he was very sick. The chemo had changed his taste so much he hated my dish. My daughter complimented me on it when I cooked it for her and that was all that was needed to start the fountains. Cried forever on that one. We are harder on ourselves than anyone else is.
Lois11
Lois11
Karen I'm afraid that something might get out if I talk about his care or lack off.. I know this sounds cheap fo me but I need the free councilling.. what money I have and it's not much has to last me hopefully at least 20 years.. I'm not near getting CPP so I need this to live on..and the only free councilling in our city is at the hospital that didn't give him the care he needed , should have gotten or deserved.. I'd be afraid that if transcripes were to be typed out it might get leaked what might be going on.. right now we don't know where any of this is going to lead .. or for that matter how long it will take.. so I come here and I post a little and I read alot daily I do find it helps.. I'm not usually go talking to strangers but I don't feel you are strangers here.. We all have the same thing in common.. We have lost our other half of ourselves.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"morning hon'. I miss that so much. I came across an old bag of Jelly Belly's (his favorite), and completely lost it. A small rock we collected together, even going to the store and seeing the unslated nuts, starts a flood right in the aisle.

Yes it's the littlest things that mean the most.

I'd give anything to have those small things back, if just for one day.

Diane