As difficult as all this is, I have to remember that this sorrow is the price of the love my husband and I shared. Growing up, I watched love die and saw bitterness take its place. I know the price that is exacted when love dies. It leaves pain in its wake that remains sore no matter how much time goes by. Odd as it may sound, I am grateful to have had that experience as it serves as a reminder to me how dear our love was. It gave me the ability to not take for granted all that we had, all that remained true and good through our 39 years together. Now I hang on to what I am told - that with time, this grief will ebb enough to let the love I still hold in my heart be louder than the sorrow. I'm told this heartache and pain will fade and allow the knowledge that I was loved kindly, steadfastly, totally to emerge as a comfort again. The only goal I have been able to concretely identify from the very beginning is to not allow bitterness and anger to stay within me long, to not allow those feelings to tarnish or overtake the love I was given. Because I know the costs that linger on when love dies, I can gather up some gratitude now for this price I carry for loving and being loved so well.