Gail...I am so very sorry for your loss...I struggled more around the same time as you are and I guess it was reality setting in and trying to deal with the emotions ...I don't know if you have been lurking around here reading things....but if not there is so much information....experiences ...basically a ton of stuff....take some time to read them .. .this helped me reflect and deal with the raw emotion of grief. I get the cut in two...I felt that way too but for me I was living a life built for two....sort of like riding a bike built for 2 with a yearning for my man in my back seat...its tough so tough at times..... but finally I am busting through...I will be at 30 months on Wednesday and I can honestly say for me it has really gotten better ...it will for you as well!!! Sending hugs!!!

Gail . . I'm so sorry for your loss and continued grief. 15 months is really not so long on this grief journey. I know it feels like an eternity already (I'm at 14 months). There were stages that were worse than now, some stages easier. I was doing pretty good around the one year mark only to hit more walls recently. The days do get better and the bad ones come less frequently as time passes. I know I still have a ways to go, but it is getting better. YES, it is absolutely time to focus on YOU now. That's what I've realized recently and that's exactly I'm doing now. This brings it's own inherent struggles . . trying to find "me" once again and visualize a future life that is fulfilling and joyful. This takes work and time . . the reinvention of self. Just know that you are not alone on this journey. There are many walking before us that promise and give hope of better times ahead, those walking beside us to support our current grief phase, and those walking behind us to remind us where we've been and how much we have gone through and put behind us to rest. We are all here for each other. Sorry you had to join, but happy you found us. Welcome. Hugs, Dayna

Gail- I am so sorry for your loss. I too am struggling with a future that is gone. I am still trying to cope day to day. I do find that although i do not post a lot, this discussion forum has helped me to focus on this new journey, and to process my emotions. We continue to move forward even though most of time it feels like we are standing still. Have a peaceful day-Patti

Gail, I am sorry for your loss. My girlfriend's husband just passed from pancreatic cancer and it was a tough one. I am also approaching 15 months. My husband died from stage iv cancer. Sometimes my mind goes down the road of what happened to stage 1 2 and 3. Some days are good and other days not so good. I miss the energy of my husband. He was so positive about everything so I struggle with trying to make it all work. Whatever comes up, I deal with it, fix it, try and find a solution, do the best I can. Then start all over the next day. Some days wish God would beam me up, but must be a greater purpose for me. I have grandchildren out of State so I try to touch their hearts always to make sure they know they are loved.

Gail, I lost my wife 4 months ago. She was having surgery for cancer that was fairly routine, but she didn't survive. She and I were about the same ages as you and your husband. I feel like you do. No retirement together. We'd expected to visit Italy. Although my two kids are adults, they are still in college so they still need me. And I still need them to continue with life. Still haven't figured out what to do.

Gail, my Morey died 26 months ago and I'm still fragmented. Some days are better than others.....so clich....I know, but it's so true!

Morey had a spinal cord stroke on March 25th and passed on April 11th. He was strong, tough, healthy and always my hero. I truly looked up to him. Although, his personality [my first hint that something was wrong] had changed and he no longer was able to concentrate and problem solve, he was still my love and my strength!

It's still very difficult. Some days I can barely focus on just getting through the day without breaking down. I still work a full time job and I don't plan on quitting, not today!

I have children and grandchildren who expect me to be strong and carry-on. When they're not around, I break apart into a zillion pieces, on the floor, that I must pick up and put back together before Monday comes and I have to show my work face!!!!

I didn't get to retire with Morey either and we didn't get to sit on the porch in our rocking chairs watching time go by.......

You, me and a lot of other folks are alone now, to carry on.

I send my love and warm hugs to you,
Roz