Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Death & Dying
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The little things

Lori88101
Lori88101
It has been almost 2 1/2 months since my Todd died. You never realize how much your spouse did until they are no longer here. And all of us know that the "business" part of death is hard. Well we made it through all the holidays, and we are here to share that with each other. I have put a limit on myself of only doing 2 things a day. Today's were changing the names on insurance. And the other task really got me. I ordered checks for the first time in 27 years with only my name on them. That task for some reason really took my breath away. It is all these little things that add up. On top of the pain we are still in. Just when you think. "I got this today" something comes along. I also decided that I am going to go back to work. I am only going to work 3 days a week for now, just to get back in the swing of things. I plan on going back full time in August. Head up, shoulder back, smile on my face. I think I can fake it, till I make it. I pray you all have a great day!
Lori
Silee
Silee
Good luck Lorie with work. I am sure you will do your best. Yes all the business can be tough. Take care and be gentle on yourself
SandyV1
SandyV1
Yes it is tough. It's strange how some days I can cope and other days the smallest thing can knock me flat. All the best, Sandy
dschwartz
dschwartz
Lori,

Sounds like you have your head on straight and are making positive plans/changes for your future best interest. This is great news! As for the small stuff, I agree, it can seem overwhelming and come hard at you out of the blue. The point is that you are doing what needs to be done today and taking care of your responsibilities. Kudos! One day at a time and yes, please, be gentle with self. Hang in there . . . Warm regards and hugs, Dayna
soalone2to1
soalone2to1
Lori,
the bank stuff is hard. I remember when I closed out the last joint account and ordered those my name only checks. I couldn't shred the old 2 name checks. I kept them until the other day and realized it was time. 4.5 months. You are making smart decisions and doing a little at a time. Good for you. Baby steps are the way to go. Hang in there. It gets better, then it gets worse again, then it gets better again. they call it a roller coaster for a reason. Take care of yourself.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
As much as we share this journey we walk our separate paths. Returning to work helps some to focus and feel a sense of being productive. Some will need their alone time to gather their thoughts and reflect. Which way is best for you is the right way.

I found the emotional side of grieving harder than the rest, but I tend to be a romantic. I used our checks with both names until they were gone, wrote married if I could on papers (in my heart we were still married.

Do what you feel is best for you and if you change your mind, that's okay too. Sharon
Coop84
Coop84
Oh yes, the dreaded paper work you have to do when you are so numb and can barely function. I hated going to the banks to change things over to just me!!! It was terrible and when I got my checks with just my name on them I cried!!!! Hang in there!! We can get thru this. Hugs. Sue
letmehelpyou
letmehelpyou
Fake it until you make it. My mantra the first year and a half. Baby steps and small things add up to big accomplishment. Take your time be kind to yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back, you deserve it. Hugs,
Val
Lori88101
Lori88101
I just have to say: It is so nice to talk to people who "GET IT"
You guys/gals are AWESOME!
KimKos
KimKos
Lori ...best of luck as you venture back into the work world...I'm sort of new to this place ..a few months now but just passed the 2 year widow mark and u were so correct on the "get it " remark ...I just realized today that when they say there is a new you coming ..this is true...I didn't see a new me today but did say goodbye to an old me...and I didn't even plan it..for me the business part was easy that was my role..so today I had planned to reorganize my file cabinet..its in two parts and its a big one..part was filled with individual files of every credit card ...open and closed..cars..car repairs..small tools ...TVs...washers ..dryers...birth certificates ...u name it .I had a file...and it was in alphabetical order..as I started going through it ..75% I did not need ...its now gone ...shredded...there were some moments...his signature...some memories of certain purchases.but I did not shed a tear..not one...Son sort of freaked out when he saw me lol tho him and wife would like the big cabinet if I decide to get rid of it..and I will..man this feels good!!
electrictoo
electrictoo
lori you sound good glad you are moving on. every one seems like they are doing well. I am hoping I have gotten thu the anger. I want to get over this. just want to get on with my life. trying not to feel sorry for self but it is hard. lorie know this is hard but wishing the best for you
mamiepapa18
mamiepapa18
So sorry for the loss of your husband... It is tough and sadly it is the little things that can really slam you when you expect it. Hugs and you can do it !!!!
Rainbow27
Rainbow27
Lori, so sorry for your loss. Yes, the dread paperwork! It takes months to straighten everything out. Lots of phone calls, forms to fill out, visits to banks, brokerage houses, more forms. Change of status from married to single for tax purposes. It goes on and on. I kept a running list and would cross one item off and two more would go on! I am at ten months and all that has now been taken care of. Now my list seems to be items that have to get done or maintained around the house. Much peace to you.