I feel the same. I miss him as much as the first day but I have figured out how to be okay. I work at a rehab center. The people I see everyday are brain trauma patients which is what my husband died from. At first it was hard but now I feel like I have formed bonds with them and love when I see them do well. Life will never be the same but it is rewarding to help others. Hugs!!!

I also still feel that I am married to my husband we just can't be together right now but when God sees fit to take me to him we will be together again. I like you surround myself with family and friends and have become quite comfortable with who I am. Diane

Counseling can be a wonderful thing. Unfortunately many insurance plansdo not cover it. I have thought about going and two of the children could benefit from a professional as well. Unfortunately this will not happen. I own a business so there is no sliding scale available..and I have 5 kids to support. No help available.

Maggie

Hi I am new and this is my first post. No way did I want counciling. I have been to support groups and now don't feel the need for that either. Of course I miss my husband and it's been 2 years and 3 months. I grieved long and hard and still cry at times. I am strong and I don't need counciling. I really have to say it's getting easier. I am a person who has to do it myself. I also have a very good friend who is widowed for about a year and a half.....I think she does me more good than anything. Everyone is different and so is everyone's grief.

I also have a friend who lost her husband last September and helps me quite a bit. Most talks we have last at least an hour or so. From reading posts here, I see that so many people don't have an idea of what to say but mean well. That has been a lesson for me in giving people a 'break', if you will, and not completely going off when someone says something. I have hospice counselors available and have used a few times. Maybe, I need to give 'em a ring again...

I hope I didn't offend you Captbill..it's just the way I feel. For me I don't need counceling. Maybe at the beginning I could have used it. Time is really the best healer. Now I can think of Jim and remember all the years we had together-35 years of a good marriage and be thankful for that. I know I will see him again when my life here is over. That alone helps me alot. I am not saying that my grief is done for I think we all grieve for the rest of our lives. But the pain does ease as time goes by.

I agree with Jersey Debbie. I need a purpose and I still feel married. I have no desire to have another man in my life romantically. I am going back to teaching in the fall, at least part time. We'll see how that develops. I also stay busy helping look after a friend with dementia, a neighbor with cancer and a FIL in his 90's. I Love my husband more than ever. I'd rather be his wife, barring that I'll proudly be his widow until we can be completely together again.

There is no reason to believe that we cannot be widows who endure and who find a deeper purpose in our lives. We must find our way through the greif. Its the only way towards survival.
Counseling is in my opinion can be very helpful to those who want an opportunity to reflect on themselves. It helps to understand our coping abilities and our frailties. It is not a weakness to want to know why you feel the way you feel.
I myself do not have any desire to remarry or to have a romatic relationship. I am comfortable being my husbands wife. Some may want us to find a partner, but really its not for them to say.
Giving to others, helping, offering support; its a beautiful way to honor the love we received from our spouse.

I am so glad this subject came up. I am dealing with a really bad patch, right now, and this gave me the shove in the right direction. I was a 24/7 caregiver and since he is gone, I feel lost. Now I plan to go and volunteer at the local hospital. That will give me something to do that will give me some purpose. Hugs and thanks, y'all.

Radioworld, I could not agree more. Counseling does work for me, as it is a safe place where I can let things out that I can't otherwise discuss with my family or friends. God led me to this wonderful Christian counselor, who is also a widow (20 years now), raised her children, got her Masters degree, remained unmarried and unattached, and still keeps her last name, Mrs. X. So, if anyone is going to understand how I feel, it is her.

I also come here because of the wealth of support I receive. It is so relieving to read the writings of others who want the same for their lives now as I do. We are not freaks - we are people with feelings who suffered a tragic loss.

Taking care of ourselves is not a sign of weakness and we should never feel that adding something to help us in our struggles is a bad thing. It takes many pieces to put the puzzle of our lives back together after a loss. Counseling can be a significant piece of that puzzle. It doesn't mean we are "sick" or "weak" or whatever. It means we are sensible enough to see that we need some additional support. For most of us here, we don't have someone close by who has been through what we've been through so there isn't that understanding ear to give us meaningful feedback. Counseling can make up for that. And it doesn't have to last forever, and you can come back to it when you feel it would help again.

I had counseling in the early days and have periodically sought it out since then. I obtained counseling for my sons, too. It helped a lot. I recommend it for everyone. Recently I have been meeting with our local vicar, and I hope to spend some time with my former therapist while I'm back in the States. I gain additional insight and strength through these efforts. It helps.

@Debbie, I am glad you were able to get beyond your reluctance and decided to consult with your counselor again. I think it was the smart way to go. You should never feel bad about taking care of yourself. Not everything we try works, but the important thing is to keep trying. I am glad it helped.

Hugs...