Gail- You are lucky. i remember so little of Larry's funeral. I do remember thinking my husband would have been so proud of our three adult children giving his Eulogy, and doing it so well. The funeral and the lunch after? I really don't remember except wishing it was over so i could go home and hide. Hugs Patti

I go over and over Mike's services in my mind. was it ok? did it honor him enough, Did I handle myself ok,? I bought Cd's of the songs that I chose so I can hear them any time I want.. Parts of it are a blur and I have had many people come to me and ask me questions about these past months and I have only partial answers. Glad that you can look back on things and feel good about your choices. HUGS

I also am proud of planning a great funeral for my husband, I also behaved great. It was beautiful. I even had my stylist do my hair before the funeral. I have a funeral outfit I wear to all funerals. My daughter helped with pictures and my granddaughter provided music on CD.

My husband's "Gathering" was at my brother's home in the country. It was a beautiful sunny day. All those my kids and I wanted there attended. Yes I questioned if I was doing the right thing to honor him, but the kids helped with that decision. My husband was not about fanfare. In fact he even skipped his own retirement party at work. And now looking back, I am glad I didn't give the lousy funeral home one more cent as they sucked! I think he would have been so very proud of all of us. It is amazing though how we managed to hold up through this. I think we are just in such a fog and maybe that is why we can hold up. Hugs to all, Michele

Gail,
These memories, I believe, are small steps to helping you get through this journey. These moments are special, thanks for sharing,
Love...Sandra

My community still talks about my husband's celebration of life
Potluck and BBQ in the local park 350+ people it was packed
Amazing we had a small opening I tried to talk but started tears, we said some prayers, his brother from CO gave a slide show many of the locals did not relate as he had not shared his life with them, and we ate and mingle amongst ourselves. I do not remember much it was a blur. BUT it was his request as a wildlife biologist to have it outdoors, potluck and BBQ He did not want a big formal funeral home, church thing. HIS 2 boys at first were no go - afterwards 1 said I hope I have as good as this when I die SO I felt I followed his wishes well. I will always feel very good about that.

It was two years ago at my husband's funeral that I was like a zombie, being led by my son, looking at faces and seeing no one. They made a cd of the services and I only played it once, but the recording in my head never stopped. Two years later, it has become a memory that has lessened with time. I am here to encourage you that it will get better. I never thought at the time I would be sharing this with others. But keep moving forward, stay prayerful and be comforted that with time, you will thrive and not just survive.

The funeral service that my 3 children and my self planned for my wife was truly an outpouring of our love for her. I find tremendous comfort in remembering her service and looking over all of the cards and tributes that our family received. when I am feeling unbearable pain from losing her I receive comfort in knowing that the last expression of love I could show her was a beautiful service. she was very concerned about how I was going to manage being without her and I remember feeling that I made her proud on how I did not breakdown and was there for our family and friends.

I made a slideshow for the funeral, wrote the obituary, gave a speech, made cd of songs to be played when people walked in (think Blue Suede Shoes-- didnt want sappy organ music), hired bagpiper, planned reception at our private club. All done in five days. What a crazy time that was. I was in shock so all the planning was therapeutic. Had everything, including the funeral, procession, and burial videotaped, then later worked with a professional editor to make a cool Funeral dvd to send to people who couldnt come...
This was done in Dallas where we were on vacation.
Then I had to fly home to CA and held another memorial at my home here two days later. I showed the funeral DVD and had it catered and even had a bartender.
After everything was over and done, I just wanted to sit and watch the funeral dvd which included the Slideshow, over and over. Nothing else. I invited many different friends and family over at different times for private showings just to give me an excuse to watch everything again. Otherwise Id just watch it by myself.
I havent felt a desire to watch the video/divd for several months now. Guess Ive moved past that terrible stage of grief, or at least burned myself out on that video!
It was a lot of work and Pomp and Ceremony, but I feel good about his Send Off and think he would have been pleased--except I know he didnt want to leave us...I know none of our spouses did!

i am happy that you were able to plan a funeral for your spouse!!i never got to see my husband at his funeral and i don't even know where exactly they burried him!!when i hear someone was able to send their spouse well...i thank God!!

My Husband's funeral took place after a five day hospital stay that he did not survive, partially due to the shouting and physical attacks towards me by his family in his room. His brain swelled. I paid for and planned his funeral alone, only to have his family continue to behave horribly at the funeral. This is why I still struggle with PTSD. I am currently doing some grief work with a therapist in order to look at some of the good times in my marriage, rather than being stuck in this hell of only remembering how awful the end was. I have had no one to sit with and talk about the good times since he died. So glad for those of you who were able to find some peace and satisfaction with the funerals. I had that when I buried my Mom and my Dad. I came from a very nice family. My husband's family is totally crazy and that includes his brothers, sister, daughters etc. pj1952

pj1952 I am so very sorry you had to endure such disrespect! Sometimes I guess death brings out the worst in people. My husband's "gathering" was at my brother's home in the country. It was by invite only! This is what my kids and I chose to do in honor of him. The two siblings he really cared about couldn't make it and some of them we didn't want there. I think he would have been proud of us. I am so glad you are here on this sight. And also happy you are seeking therapy. This journey is hard enough without people acting like idiots. Hugs to you, Michele