There is actually a song from Miley Cyrus by the title but what I want to share is more about " where are they now" kind of post. Someone is an earlier post adresssed the point that coming here , you may only get to read about sadness and that is a very valid point. 

It does seem like it when you are at the bottom of the pit trying to fight your way back while considering just giving up and crawling under a rock.

The day I lost my husband , I wanted follow him. I was one of the lucky ones(include sarcasm here) as I had been giving what some see as a gift, I had been told that my husband was dying (8 days later he was gone) . This gave us time to talk a bit and I made him the promise that I would be o.k. because he needed to hear it.

After he passed that promise was the hardest to keep and I was not o.k. , having kids though reminded me constantly that I could not break the promise. I needed to do what ever I could to move forward.   Coming here, allowed me to see that I was not alone. It allowed me to share the most basic victories such as changing a furnace filter on my own and to vent about my issues such as lawn care maintenance.  (The major issue being that I could not pick up the lawnmover and heave it over the fence while cursing up a storm)

Coming here was healing and allowed me to deal with the ups and downs of being a widow with no job but with a mortgage at 48. Each step I took , my virtual group could applaud and applaud they did.  I applauded others in return. 

In the real world, help  and support from family and friends may be given at first but it is not too long into the journey that things start to shift.  A-they want you to get over it when you are not ready or B- You feel like a broken record repeating yourself and do not want to impose anymore.  That's why coming here, I could air out the most trivial issues as well as more serious stuff. It gave me an outlet .  Journal writing had been suggested but to me while journal writing let me jot down my feelings ,that darn journal just stayed as impartial as ever , never giving me feed back. It was frustrating. 

I have remained here not because I keep being dragged into the sadness but rather because of those who further into their journey when I first came here , gave me hope that it would get better. They took time to share and offer strength in their words.

Would I ever get to the point that some shared, was my set backs normal, could I laugh again ???  All these questions where adressed as they came. Was it always the answer I was seeking?  No but it was always the support I needed.

I was 48, broken and afraid for my future in 2013 now I am 52 no longer broken yet not completely together. From the smash some pieces could not be put back together but what came out of it is strong just the same. In my climb each step I took made me who I am now . A more mature and wiser version of the young naive pre marriage girl.  She was still there to remind me that before marriage and kids there was me. In the climb I learned to rediscover that girl from so long ago but also I got to meet the new version of her. 

The climb allowed me to get where I needed to be . Is my life perfect? Gosh no and it should not be if I expect to continue growing. 

Yes I laugh and yes I do have hope for my future.   Looking back over the last 4.5 years I can clearly see that each steps I took in that climb there were many slides backwards that made me that much stronger. During each slide, the kindness and support of this virtual group who tended to the hurts was never failing and each time they help me get back up.

4.5 years later I am here alive, walking my journey yet still keeping him in my heart. I laugh at funny memories and cry when I miss him but more important I am no longer just surviving I am living.

I have embarked on a different path of my life journey and see beauty , beauty in a different form but beauty just the same.

“Nothing is more beautiful than the smile that has struggled through the tears.” —Demi Lovato