Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Thanksgiving and Christmas. My husband I always hosted Christmas and he did most of the cooking down my mothers house for Thanksgiving since my Mom and Dad got older and especially after my Dad passed (2 years ago). We would always laugh and say that we wanted to be two places at one on the holidays - in the mix with everyone else but since we had no children we always always imaged it would just be he and I some year as the rest of the extended family grew and nmoved into their own nuclear famlies once my parents were both gone and then the subsequent generation started to retire. We looked forward to it since we never spent a holiday with just us - our little family of two - and most holidays either spent the night at my parents house or had them with us. DOn't get me wrong, we both loved it, but that was where the wanting to be two places at once came in.. This will be the first of these major holidays w/out him and I really want to spend one of them by myself - to honor that commitment and future plan that never came to be. I think Thanksgiving would be the better of the two, but don't want to cause others to worry or misinterpret or have my mother upset (she is 84) - thoughts? suggestions? what did some of you do the first year. Between the two holidays he was sicker on Christmas than Thanksgiving and I know it wouldn't be healthy for me to spend Christmas alone but Thanksgiving sounds peaceful to me. Maybe it's just wishful thinking - any thoughts would be appreciated.
Its somewhat of a blur...I have no family here...My wifes family is more than 300 miles away most of them and were never that close with us anyway...My family is 2000 miles away..
Luckily I had some really good friends at work that "took over" and "made" me come to their place for Thanksgiving..
that probably saved me from a full meltdown, because like anyone else, that was a very major holiday for me and Melodie..she loved baking and made cookies/treats starting at the end of October - December for friends and family and neighbors...She would get up extra early on Thanksgiving and start making deviled eggs if she hadnt started the night before and the turkey, etc.. the holidays "changed" her..if that makes sense? She was already a very happy person...the yin to my yang...the holidays put her over the top into happy happy happy land...she loved them so much...it was just her and I at this point and she loved to make it special for us.. (hey look...mini melt down thinking about it now)
Christmas, these same friends/coworkers all got together and paid for me to fly to see my parents for 2 weeks..I was amazed and humbled that anyone would do this for me...I spent so many years taking care of Melodie, I guess i never noticed the friends I had around me at work..
so..both holidays, I either spent at friends, or went to my family's...
I have NO idea what will happen this year...this might be my year without holidays...yep..I could see that happening..
Sending hugs