Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Our bedroom was upstairs. We called our house a treehouse because we are in the woods and the upstairs is all windows just about. When Joe became so sick he could not climb the stairs, we bought a new bedroom set and put it in a downstairs bedroom for me to sleep and be near Joe in the hospital bed just outside the bedroom.
Now that Joe is gone, the upstairs bedroom has been cleaned out and is a guest room. But it's still "our bedroom". I look at my bedroom downstairs that I still sleep in and think to myself, this is the bedroom where I cared for Joe a few steps away. This is the bedroom where my grief tore at me with huge teeth. This is the room that filled up with oceans of tears. This is the room where insomnia became my roommate.
I think of the upstairs bedroom still as our room. It is precious to me, as all my happiness was when it was our room. I really want to move back into that bedroom but I am afraid. Now that I'm downstairs not far from entrances, I would be more ready to confront an intruder, or hear one attempting to make entry. Upstairs I would be sleeping and be trapped if an intruder came up the stairs.
I don't know what to do. Any advice? Others have this same circumstance?
Now that Joe is gone, the upstairs bedroom has been cleaned out and is a guest room. But it's still "our bedroom". I look at my bedroom downstairs that I still sleep in and think to myself, this is the bedroom where I cared for Joe a few steps away. This is the bedroom where my grief tore at me with huge teeth. This is the room that filled up with oceans of tears. This is the room where insomnia became my roommate.
I think of the upstairs bedroom still as our room. It is precious to me, as all my happiness was when it was our room. I really want to move back into that bedroom but I am afraid. Now that I'm downstairs not far from entrances, I would be more ready to confront an intruder, or hear one attempting to make entry. Upstairs I would be sleeping and be trapped if an intruder came up the stairs.
I don't know what to do. Any advice? Others have this same circumstance?
place--her glasses still on her dresser. Am I crazy? (If so, I'm not alone--basketball coach John Wooden kept his wife's nightclothes
neatly folded on her nightstand for over 30 years after her passing.) Yes, sometimes I worry that subconciously I am keeping it
ready for when she comes back--not a good thing. But it is so comforting--40 years of memories. I'm just not ready to let go of that
place of our happiness. It is my refuge and retreat. So I understand how you feel about your room.
Perhaps some extra security--locks or an alarm system--would give you the peace of mind to move upstairs again. If not, perhaps
something different than a guest room--a place filled with things that you shared...a place for reflection, to write or paint and
remember. You might ask yourself this question--would going back upstairs be a step forward or backward in your healing? It could
be that moving out of the room where you both suffered so much would bring you more peace. This would be a positive thing.
Only you can answer that...but my prayers are with you.
My couch is about the same, its not very old, 4 or 5 years but my dogs have not been gentle with it. I'm sure I could replace it with something much nicer but Aaron died in my arms on that couch.
Memories are all we have left and I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping the things that bring back those memories.
You just do what is comfortable for you. That is what your husband would want for you.
Try sleeping upstairs and see how you feel. Nothing says you can't make the downstairs room your new bedroom, but it is obvious what your heart feels right now.
Our home is all one floor, but if it were 2 or more I certainly would have the alarm system.
He will also let you know if you are upstairs, they have very sharp ears! If you feel better in your old room do it. Move and enjoy your old room. You can always go back downstairs if you prefer later.
Hugs,
JoAnn