When I married, I was completely immersed in the belief that marriage unites 2 persons into 1. It is in the Bible. But it doesn't have the P.S. after it, that it will only be true until tragedy strikes. Then, all hell breaks loose. People say, oh,get on with your life. What life? I am a half person, stripped of my layers of skin, so that blood is boiling out of my body all the time, yet I do not die. If an adult person suddenly loses their arms and legs and people tell them to get on with their life and you can be happy just as well, how crazy is that? Sorry, but I think that is a lie. They can indeed learn how to function with limitations, but in no way is life ever the same. Likewise, how can anyone expect us to go on as if nothing happened, or that there are so many good things in life now that we can let go of our other half and feel "whole". I certainly can't. I feel like a disfigured, ugly piece of DNA without my Joe. I function, I do all the things I'm "supposed" to do, I have a schedule, but it is just a routine to pass the day and get one day closer to going to heaven myself. I pray for a new attitude, but it hasn't gotten here yet.

On the bright side, I prayed one day that God would send me a sign that Joe hasn't forgotten me and still loves me. A couple days later as I was walking down my long driveway to the newspaper box, suddenly in my path was a large sprig of mistletoe. Joe and I always talked about mistletoe. Never have I seen any on our 3 acres on the ground. But that one day, there it was, Joe's (and God's) assurance that Joe is still loving me. I took the mistletoe and hung it upside down, tied a Christmas ribbon on it and hung it over the sink in the kitchen along with a bright multi-colored sparkly ball ornament. Hanging it upside down keeps the moisture in the branches and it lasts longer.

Thanks for listening to my bad and good rants. I'm so tired of widowhood. Will be 2 yrs on December 18.