I think as new widow/widowers we have to find a new normal as things will never feel the way they felt before. Can you identify what is causing you anxiety? It might be worth speaking to a counselor about. I'm on my third month without my spouse as well, and I think what you describe is very normal. Certainly three months is a very short time, you must be forgiving of yourself if you are not where you want to be yet.

She was the other half of you, "the two become one", so sudden spousal loss does have more of an anxious feeling than grieving other loved ones. We don't realize how deeply we are intertwined with spouses, in every way, on every level of our being.
You will need to have grace towards yourself about what feels like just emotions.
Imagine, if you just lost one leg and one arm, what lengthy adjustment you'd need. This loss of your wife is intrinsic to You, and since you are "seemingly intact", your mind wrestles with the unexplainable, and you perceive yourself as being weak.
Remember, marriage union is a mystery. Logic does not really work for this.
I am sorry for how impossible this is to understand.
It is a slow recovery, and we have to find a new and different "normal" than before.
A big aspect of our grief is that we will never be the same as before. We pray for a different kind of balance.
The bright change is, you will become a comfortER. Those are needed everywhere.

Everyone grieves you have lost your other half,this is a new world i am seeing here now..why does nothing make me happy anymore..all i think about is Him him and him. I felt him with me and i heard him say i will never ever leave you love never dies its another part of Who you are. We are here wherever that is..but i have been working alot and my job is mainly in palliative care. We are Not supposed to get emotional with them Ever..I have fallen in love again slowly with Me and Who I am.They Never leave you ..go outside and watch the life on this planet get in touch with Mother Earth She will never let you Down but we have to learn how to Love more because the More we Love the more we receive in our soul more insights,,, I feel truly blessed more and more. Hugs to All here xox

I think its more of a heart problem. My head knows shes dead. It is as if I have to continually remind myself of that fact so my soul accepts it. The other thing is that during the week when I am at work, things are as they used to be. She wasn't there with me. I only have to trudge through the evenings at home.

When the weekend comes, and I have to get up with the kids and feed, clothe, etc. them it really seems to bite hard. Then what to do with all of the hours in the day. I guess the anxiety is just that feeling that things aren't right in my world. I am wrestling with the unexplainable it seems.

I am a mechanic by trade, and I just want to FIX this but can't. It is this impossible scenario that I think is giving me the butterflies. I just keep jumping from distraction to distraction it seems. I want to focus on this problem enough to work through it, but I am worried that by distracting myself from my feelings when they get heavy I am asking for trouble.

Of course it's a heart problem. But your heart is not in a 'wrong' condition, in the sense that believers assume we need to correct ourselves, and then the trial will end when we have "applied our lesson, or learned it".
Men of good intent do want to Fix things: for work, for others, their families, and starting in themselves. But This thing, only your God can fix.. His is a gradual work inside you, and these things are always "to become for more fit for the Masters intent" ministering among others.
We need to pace ourselves to make it through this grief. So not all distraction is counterproductive. This is a whole new thing for us, so deep that we can not just push through it full time, every day. Believe me, you will work through, but that is not survivable without rest and distractions too. This is not on a schedule for ending the job. It is a long haul. Think of it by trying to pace days accordingly. You will learn, over time. and yet, that does not eliminate grief waves, crashes, and things which we cannot predict.
I pray for you.
Barb.

It's been three months since I lost my husband also. He took most of my heart with him when he died. If the Lord doesn't fix it I'll never be the same again. I do have some days that I don't cry as much as I did at first but I cry every day. I'm not anxious just heart broken and it isn't a good feeling.

SandyZal, the Lord will fix your heart because you are His, and that is how you will never be the same again. You will know Him differently. He was a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. That did not feel good either.
a servant is not above his / (her) master.

You seem to be doing amazingly well, and there is no shame in having "a bit" of depression. You may find yourself having more depression as time passes, but it may also get better. The anxiety is part of the depression. That feeling in your gut can be overwhelming, especially when you have three small children to try to keep things normal for. It's okay if you're overwhelmed with this huge responsibility.

I am much older than you, and my children and grandchildren don't live with me, but we are close. When my husband died, I became overwhelmed with anxiety trying to keep our lives normal. The only thing that helped me was antianxiety medication from my doctor. I tried meditation, breathing exercises, prayer, exercise, but it would not take that sick feeling in my gut away. The medication helped me think more clearly and be more patient with myself. Others here have been helped with antidepressants. Many people don't agree with medication, but a small dose can make a huge difference. I understand if you feel that is not the choice for you.

I know it's so incredibly hard, but time and patience are all we have . You will have a life again, but it will be different. It will be a new normal. You are moving forward by just coming here and venting your feelings. We're all here for you, and will be for as long as you need us.

Warm hugs to you and your children,
Linda

Well I went to church this morning, and of course the sermon had to be about honor in marriage. I feel like that swollen and throbbing toe that always seems to get bumped into something. While I certainly had some very low moments today, the pit of the stomach issue wasn't really there. I feel like I am stuck in a perpetual tug of war. Some good times and moments, then the low and ugly.

I went to a local picnic and tractor pull this afternoon for a while with the kids. Talked to some old friends and neighbors for a bit. So that's one more new first to check off the list. I didn't stay long though, having the little ones with me makes it much more difficult by myself.

The reality is obvious now. I won't be able to do or enjoy things like I used to without having her here to help with the kids. Something as simple as running into the gas station requires unstrapping all three kids and taking them with so they aren't left unattended in the car.

I've heard the "new normal" spoken of often by many people since she died. Is it wrong for me to not want to accept it? Bouncing between accepting my lot in life and fighting it is exhausting. I miss the old me and the steady flow of emotions I once enjoyed. I'm just bracing for the next emotional eruption, or anxiety attack.

Seeing all the young couples at the picnic today with their kids..........still has some sting.

You won't have the normal you shared with your wife, but as you work through your loss you will create a new normal for you and your children. Sharon

"Bouncing between accepting my lot in life and fighting it is exhausting." True. but this is like ascending up a mountain trail. You are sometimes on a "switchback" trail. For a short time it seems like you are descending, but when you look back, Over All, you will find yourself standing upon ground which is at higher altitude. I live in a valley surrounded by mountains, so I have done this before. You will be both exhausted *and exhilarated when you reach the top, and look down. You might want to pitch a tent right there, but instinct tells you that you better get home before dark, because you need a good nights sleep or you will never make the return trip. I might add that I did this horseback, and our horses were sorely taxed by the time we got home.
Still, I will never forget the view.
I hope you're not a flatlander.
*Hug.
Barb.