Oh Michele, what a horrible thing for your daughter to say! It does sound like she is somewhat spoiled. Maybe I shouldn't say this but the word "brat" comes to mind! I'm sure that she misses her dad, but what she will never understand until the time comes for her (and being a female, it probably will be her) is how deep the pain of losing a spouse is. As any of us who have lost friends and family know, every loss is totally different. I lost my dad when I was in my early 30's, my mom after years and years of Alzheimers, my best friend, etc, etc, and each loss felt absolutely different. My husband was the hardest I think because I spent more years of my life with him than with anyone else. Wish I could give you a big AZ hug right now but a virtual one will have to do. And we will NEVER "get over" a loss like we have undergone....NEVER! Darlene

I am so sorry Michele....they don't get it. One of my son's told me I had to stop being a victim........

Good thoughts for your niece.

Hugs
Jen

I'm sorry, Michele. Your daughter is grieving too and seems to be in the anger stage of her loss. It's all about her in her mind and she has little sympathy for others, including you. You're right in your feelings and it's important that you put your needs first. I say this because I also went through the "what about me" stage with my daughter.

Your life has changed dramatically and you need to be supported as much as she does. It isn't easy, but stick to your priorities and take care of you. She will realize eventually how unfair her actions are. God bless you as you travel this winding road. Hugs, Sharon

wouldn't it be great if we could take turns grieving? one day its your turn the next your kids... then we would never come up with these feeling on top of the grief we are going through I very seldom show my kids how truly sad i am as they just want the feelings to go away and they certainly don't want me to express myself. they just keep saying "its okay mom" It really is not okay at this point. I feel your pain Michele and we all get it hugs Patti

Sounds like your mistake was being decent and apologizing. She could have just said, "That's ok.Mom" Your grand-daughter wasn't expecting you, apparently. Geez. How unnecessary all that was. I went through the same crap. People who go on like that should abide by their own advice. We all know they don't.

I am sorry your daughter acted that way towards you. Even though she lost her father it is completely different than losing your life partner. I know this because I lost my Mother at the age of 7. Yes, it is hard to deal with. But I can tell you it is nothing like the pain we go through every day. I am sorry she made you feel weak because you are mourning the life you had for years. Quite frankly, how dare she. Hopefully, she won't have to ever face the pain you feel daily, but if she does only then will she truly understand.

Oh, Michele, I so feel for you & what you are going through.
Your don't realize how much valuable support is, until you lose
your spouse. Especially from family, but for some they aren't
the best support.
My sister was with me when I lost Larry & she was like an angel & I don't know what I would of done without her.. Then when I moved
to AZ 4months after losing Larry, at first she was very supportive &
then all of the sudden she did a 180 degree turn. She said one day that she was glad to be there, but now He is gone that I should move on. To this day I am hurt to the core what she did....

so sorry to hear your stoty. i have to say i noticed around the two month mark (i am only ar month 3 now) that i started getting the feeling that several people in my life think i should be over it. cant wrap mty head around it but it seems to be there

I did speak to my daughter today about how hurt I was over her comments. She had no idea that I thought she was referring to me as we continued to talk for another hour. I told her that's because I put those things on the back burner as I always have. That's just what moms do. I know she is grieving and watching her father die was a traumatic experience. I thanked her for being here with me and told her that hindsight is always 20/20 and wish she hadn't been there to witness his passing. I hate that I can't take her pain away. I do know that the conversation will come up again because that's what my family does. Eventually we always talk things through, hash it out and maybe at times even agree to disagree. But all my kids communicate eventually. And I am proud to say that's because of my husband and I and the communication we had. I am truly a lot stronger person than they have seen lately, it's just losing him has shaken me to the core and I am trying to dig my way out of this bottomless hole. And it has to be my way, at my pace and if I misinterpret something they say or do, well that's because I am raw at this point. She has always told me I have been the glue in this family, and I want to get back to that. But I am 59 and she is 31, not many things she is going through that I haven't gone through. Been there, done that, got all the t-shirts! But losing him is a first for me and the pain is beyond belief. And as much as I want to help them trough their grief I will be no good for any of them if I don't get me through this. I will never "get over" losing him! But I am hopeful that I can make strides forward for my sake and for theirs. So for now if I misunderstand a comment and I need to have a meltdown, that's just the way it's going to have to be. Thanks all for letting me vent. P.S. The trip with my neice went well. She won't get the results til next week, but I am glad I went and she was so thankful I did too. It was a nice distraction to just get away. (her dad called me to see how things were going at 2:06) her appointment wasn't until 2:00. ha ha bless his heart he had been thinking of her all morning! Hugs to all, Michele

Michele,

Nothing I can add to all the great love and support shown to you by all other than to let you know I am here for you! Just ask! I have a lot of life experiences from many years of muddy road! One never gets over all the years with a past loved one. In my case I have elvolved the same spirit but also as a different person and so thankful for the time I had with SJ and looking to the future and what it has to offer. The future is as bright as I choose it to be and dream for it to be. This has taught me that time is a precious commodity and I will make the most of it. I know you are sad now but time is really the great equalizer. Harley and I think of you and wish you the best. "Ok that is BS as all Harley really cares about is lizards to chase and food." Cat cannot type and really is pretty self centered." Hugs and peace to you Michele.

Dewman

Michele,
It has been ten weeks for me as well. Danny was my world, my companion, my soul mate. My friends were amazing in the beginning but now I get comments like " he is in a better place" or you were only with him two years so it's not like you had a lifetime together. I think our friends and family forget that ten weeks seems like enough time to at least begin to function. I think unless they too lose a spouse they have no clue on how alone we feel and how it feels like our heart and souls have been ripped from us. Ten weeks or ten years we are changed forever

Jennifer, you are right, I don't think others know what we go through if they have never lost thier soul mate. And we will never get over losing them. And yes I believe he is in a better place, but he left me behind. When you give your love and your heart to someone and then lose them, all you have left is the memories and the hopes and dreams for your future are now gone. We no longer have the daily chats, discussions or physical contact and the world becomes a lonely place. I keep catching myself wanting to ask him something or share what our wonderful kids and grandkids are doing. But he is not here. These past months have been a flurry of activity. With his dying, his death, those arrangements and then all the holidays and missed birthdays he wasn't here for. Finally the 4th is over and there are no more birthdays or holidays until labor day and I am so glad. I am not a very good actress and trying to keep it together in front of others is nearly beyond me. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and it is shattered. So trying to act like everything is going good is such a lie. There is now this gigantic void that he filled and all I can do right now is try to survive and try to meet my grief head on. But I am so lost and scared and damnit don't want to feel like this anymore. But there is nothing I can do about it except try to get through it. And I pray that he is watching over all of us. My friends and family are all going forward with their lives as they should, but I will never get over losing him because it was about us, not me. I am so thankful for this wonderful support group, because these people get it. And we will be here to learn from those who have been at this longer than us and be there for those who are new to this agony. Hugs, to all, Michele