My advise would be to tell the people who you feel will support you in your loss. You have no responsibility to tell anyone. This is about you now and you need to put you first. When you feel like talking call who you feel you would like to talk to. Take this horrible time in your life and take care of you. You deserve some kindness, don't allow others to tell you different than what you feel is right for you at this moment. Sharon

Hi Karen and welcome to DS. I am sorry for your loss. Sharon is giving you good advice. I would only tell those who are close to me. And only those would I mention it to if the subject came up. Christine

I do not know what kind of work your husband did, or how large the company is he worked for. Two things helped me - my husband's work contacts put out the word through the company newsletter. The other help was to ask a few friends to gently spread the news, sort of like a phone tree. It is not your responsibility to tell people. You are dealing with enough right now. If you choose to ask someone he worked with to share the news, be specific in what you wish them to say and what support you need right now. If you do not wish any cards or notes, then do not be afraid to say so. My husband worked for a huge company, but have met many woman who's partner's did not, or were retired, but the people they worked with were glad they were contacted by someone. Best of luck, and take care of yourself. Asking for help is the first step. People often are pleased and comforted to be asked to do anything at all to help you , even if it is sharing sad news.

I am still bumping into people that did not know or only just found out. It is impossible to think of everybody or to have contacted them all and at the time it just was not something that I could have taken on and I am sure you are the same. Just last Sunday I was approached by a person that lives out of town and they came and offered condolences stating that they just found out (sort of like an accusation) I do not let this bother me because if they were close to me they would have known but if they are a person that I have contact with maybe once a year and they have not phoned or contacted me I figure that the ball was never really in my court so to speak. When this happens I simply thank them for their condolences and move on. Do only what you feel comfortable with. Hugs.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's hard to keep telling people long after you think they should know. Some of it will continue spreading by word of mouth and others will talk directly to you and you'll have to tell them a few words. I agree with the others that I wouldn't go out of my way to keep telling people once you've told those who need to know or who he wanted you to tell.

I wouldn't spend your scanty energy in contacting far-flung people.

All the best to you and I'm glad that you found this group. I hope it will be of help to you.

Hugs, Gail

Wow, you all are awesome. I feel better prepared now. I don't always have time to comment, but I read a lot of posts on this site. Again, thanks for all the words of wisdom. It's nice to be at a place where people understand. Wishing you all the best. Karen

I had written a letter of sorts with a picture of my husband on top, it was basic details of what happened and how happy he was in life. I distrubuted these at his wake and funeral so I wouldn't have to answer "What happened?" to over 200 people. For the most part the letter did what it was supposed to do. Perhaps you could send out e mails or letters that would be informational.

It is with the deepest regret that I inform you ...etc.

This would relieve you of the concern of what to do or who to tell, you will cover all gracefully without questions or inter-reaction.
Best of all to you,
Linda

Not a bad idea. I think first I need to get thank you notes out. I just haven't been able to do that yet. I got so many cards and flowers, baskets, etc. Is there a time limit?

There's never a time limit in my opinion. My husband died a little over 3 months ago too and I'm from the Chicago area also. I've run into people in the store and I know some have heard from word of mouth. I wouldn't go to the trouble of telling friends in other offices unless/until you run into them and want to share that information. It is really up to you with regard to who, if anyone, you wish to have contact with. I think most would respond in someway - email or whatever, and you need to think about whether you want to deal with that. If you want to perhaps reconnect with someone because it will make you feel better then contact them. But, in my opinion you have no responsibility to tell anyone at all - think about what is in your best interest and what will make you feel better.

Hi fellow Chicagoan. I think you can understand it's been a long, cold and lonely Winter here. I am hoping Spring brings some joy to everyone. Karen