Maybe it is time for us to break the mold of how widows and widowers should be seen. I think they need to make a tv show around grief and how it truly is. I am in turmoil this holiday season, I am a mess. I am dreading tomorrow. I don't want to ruin it for anybody else, and I think that is the answer to the point you were making. People don't like to be around people who have lost loved one. It is a selfish attitude. It is one of gloom and doom and they don't have a clue, until it happens to them. All of the tv widows wouldn't have had a job, because it would have been too emotional and gloomy to show what a true widow and widower goes through. It is the craps...I hope you have a good Thanksgiving as best as one you can have, and loved the thoughts. I am sorry I feel like I rambled on...Hugs~Shelley

I never thought of it that way but you are right. All of those merry widows on TV. I don't want to be a widow much less a merry one. If only those people who think we should move on could experience for one day how we feel they might just lay off. Diane

You're not rambling at all, Shelly. You're definetly right. If they did a real show about us, people wouldn't watch. In fact, I can't even find a book about us.

Tru

I dread answering the question tomorrow , and have been thinking of a response to 'so...how are you doing??'' I decided how I'm going to answer it - ''Really bad - I used to be able to whistle, and now I can't'' - huh??? - what??? If anyone shakes their head and says WHAT???? I'll be surprised. I don't want to be needy - I don't want to lie - I don't want to be a ''downer'' - I feel like running away from everyone - only nobody would miss me except the bill collectors. To tell you the truth, I never thought about those women as widows because I never understood what it was like to be one. Anyone for running running running away???? Maybe we can be Bewitched - twinkle our noses and bring them back?

There was "The Courtship of Eddie's Father." I can't remember if the Dad ever specifically spoke about his deceased wife but there was definitely a sad undercurrent in their household, a feeling that the Dad was a lonely widow.

Then there was the show "My Three Sons," again featuring a widower with lots of help from Uncle Charlie.

There was also "The Nanny and the Professor." Hmm, all these single dads seem to have gotten lots of help!

In the movie version of "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir" I remember that she did her fair share of mourning.

I have been actively seeking books and films about widows and have found a good amount of them. You just have to search actively to find them. Google the idea lots of different ways.

In terms of TV, I guess misery and sadness don't sell advertising spots, and that's what it's all about, right?

Good observations, Shelley. I now only share my feelings and status with those I know will understand. That makes for a pretty limited audience.

Happy Thanksgiving, Amy

well tru,
i am happy not to be carol brady.... 6 kids!!! i can barely handle one!
the sitcom that comes to mind for me is the nanny. handsome rich man, living in a mansion on 5th ave. with a butler and 3 perfect children who he passed off to a nanny who was 15 years younger, beautiful, great body and in love with him. now do we need to ask what gender wrote that series~~(lol)
in all seriousness, the real world of widowhood is just to difficult to ever portray. even if someone who lived it, wrote it, i still do not think the world could understand it. the best one to date that i can think of is the kevin costner movie, message in a bottle. i think they did a fairly decent job of the journey, even if they had to add a hollywood ending
hugs
judi

A television show that really portrayed grieving as it is........never sell, just too limited a market. However, Kleenex and the pharmeutical makers would buy air time. Think how much revenue (speaking for myself) grief has provided for them. I would watch it but remembering the first months of staying in my nightclothes, not eating, roaming the house at all hours alternately crying or looking like a ghost myself.....maybe I wouldn't watch after all. Recovery, I am beginning to think like Marjoe......this might be a several years journey.

Hmmm. I'm seeing a pattern here. Widowers seem to be portrayed in a sadder light than widowers. Let's see: Courship of Eddies' Father, Bonanza, Nanny and the Professor, The Nanny. I don't know, just sayin'.

Ben Cartwright was married 3 different times to 3 different women and had 3 sons, one by each of his wives. There were several episodes depicting Mr. Cartwright's profound grief at the loss of each one of his wives. While he never actively pursued love, love found him and he opened his heart to it. I am sure that Hoss & Little Joe were awfully glad that Ben was able to do this.

I meant, widowers seemed to be shown in a sadder light than widows.

I have been doing better lately - very sad but not crying. However, I started cleaning out the toolbox on the back of Joe's truck and came upon a bundle of bungie cords. I started crying, and crying hard. Why? No one could possibly know. But they triggered a very tender memoryof our many trips from FL to VA to see his family. Everything was loaded in the back of the truck an secured with bungie cords. Also, ropes with special knots in them because Joe knew how to tie every knot known to man. He was an Eagle Scout. Anyway, my point is that no one else can know what it making you cry after 11 months. It's not the bungie cords themselves, it's the memories attached to them. I'm sure everyone of you has these personal memories that no on else would know about.

As usual, you have posted a very insightful issue. On December 4th it will be eight months since I received a title that I very much dislike and most of my friends -- if not all -- with the exception of one wonderful human being, no one can understand why I still have so many ups and downs. I think that as mere mortals we are trained to take the knocks and move forward. Unless you go through the dying of someone as close as a spouse or life partner, there are no words to truly articulate the roller coaster of emotions one feels. I truly believe that the only other loss that would probably be worse is the loss of one's child. Television, as with most media, is for purposes of entertainment. Whether it be comedy sitcoms or the news with its sensationalism, it is pure entertainment. Or, as my husband and I used to call some programs -- feel good moments. There is nothing to feel good about with widowhood. There is acceptance and peace in knowing if your loved one was suffering and was finally released from the physical and emotional pain, but we are left behind to feel a pain so undescribable that at times I do not really even think it is worth trying to explain. Yes, some of us are still able to one day find love and perhaps even remarry -- there is no age limit for this to happen. Unfortunately, I think that to get to the frame of mind where you are open to the idea and actually "put yourself out there" to meet someone, takes time in arriving. I hold out the hope that my pain will subside -- I would be happy with it just ebbing for a little while. Right now, I just don't think that I could even entertain the thought. Blessings to you.

Wow - Courtship of Eddie's Father - isn't that the one with Buffy and Jody? As far as Hoss and Little Joe being happy for Ben getting ''hitched'' as they say on the Ponderosa - they were glad that they didn't have to cook the beans anymore - or was that Mel Brooks??? I'm so confused. Certainly all of those shows were better then Jersey Shore or the ''reality'' shows, where NOTHING is respectful - and people watch it. Give me the simple life again. Seriously I would welcome a real TV show these days - even Archie Bunker , and The Cosby reflected on societies happenings and had an impact on popular culture. Gotta get off , and read a book.

Remember when Little Joe got married, and the girl died. He was devastated, but next week, never mentioned his wife again. He even seemed happy.

Tru

There were lots of shows with widows and widowers. Andy Griffith never once mentioned his former wife.

In the movie of "Courtship of Eddie's Father" Eddie's goldfish dies and the boy begins to scream hysterically. His father's girlfriend is there and says, "the fish reminds you of your mother doesn't it?" at which point his father has fit and begins screaming at her saying how can she compare a fish to his mother, etc... It is also mentioned many other times in the movie and the difficulties of both the father and son.

Buffy, Jody and Cissy were from "Family Affair" - where the uncle takes over raising the children. There were episodes where it was not all comedy and they did address the difficulty of dealing with the parent's death - but it wasn't much.

Brady Bunch was so unrealistic it was a joke - why did Mrs. Brady have a maid when she didn't work all day anyway and why did she refer to her husband all the time as Mr. Brady.