Good going. Treat yourself gently. ((HUGS))

I have cried buckets over the last 12 months, still do but not everyday now. I have always thought that tears were helpful for me. I find crying somehow cleansing and, in a weird way, relaxing. In the beginning I would cry and cry till I fell asleep. I feel no shame in crying and at the start of my grief, I would cry anywhere, public or not. Now I mostly cry when I am on my own.

Of course our culture accepts more readily tears from a girl/woman than it does from our male counterpart ("boys don't cry"). I was always of the belief that boys/men feel the same as us women and they should be allowed to express it the same way we do. However, I know it is not so.

Cry when you need to, I am certain it is helpful and healing. Be kind to yourself, be also patient with yourself.

Big hug to you.

I have to give you bonus points for your forum tag :). How appropriate.

As papagena posted it's not cool for dudes to cry in our society, but who gives a ?$&@!? What society thinks.

I never felt that I got much relief from crying, but I did cry a lot when my daughter died. And I would cry when I reflected on her death for many years after that ( even today 18 years later ).

So just do what comes natural, I am sure that if you feel like crying then that is what you should do. If anybody has a problem with that, then they are not your friend :)
Bob

It hasn't even been 3 months for me yet so I still cry but not alot. I have 2 dogs that simply won't let me. I start crying and they are right there licking me til I laugh. But sometimes I know I need a good one and they seem to know it's time to leave me alone and let it happen.
It's ok to cry...even for a man. We've had something hurt us to the core and there's no reason you shouldn't cry.
Take care & Big hugs

I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone in your feelings...I started this rotten journey when my wife of 39 years passed also of cancer back in Oct of 2012...every day is still a challenge...the acceptance of the reality of it all is the biggest challenge...It is so hard to accept the fact that it did happen and that your life, no matter how much you wish, will now be forever changed...If you're like me you and your dear wife figured you would enjoy those "golden years" together and then because of the terrible bad luck of her getting cancer (which we always thought we could beat) took her away long before her time (she was only 59). I can't remember a time that I even cried once before that and now I cry a lot...no shame in that...I tell you this as sometimes it helps just knowing others are out there just like you...feeling lost and alone and trying to get some sort of life together for themselves so they can go forward. This place (DS) helps a lot because you will see others trying to cope and the suggestions and posts will help you to get through this so very tough time in your life.

Don

I cried every day for the 9 1/2 months between my wife's diagnosis with cancer and her death in April, 2012. I then cried every day for more than a year. I still occasionally tear up at a sad or, at times, happy thought of her and our life together.

I have a couple of thoughts on tears and men.

First, what are you saving them for? Is there anything worse than losing your wife? No. There is not. She is worth tears.

Second, who cares what other people think? As a widower, there is a perverse form of freedom. No one else really matters. Rewards and punishments - tangible or intangible - lose any meaning. No one can reward you since the only thing you want is to hold her in your arms again. No one can punish you since the worst thing has already happened. Long story to get to this: cry if you want. What others think is completely irrelevant.

Finally, grief is like a poison. It leaves the body through tears. Let them out and you will feel better. It does not take the pain away completely, but it helps you re-establish control in a life you did not choose.

Love and loss are two sides of the same coin. Tears are the price we pay for being so happy.

Wishing you peace,

tom

Loss is gender neutral! And so are tears.
Wishing you peace through tears and memories,
DorothyJoan

What Tom said!
We miss them so cry if you feel like it. Eventually you cry because you know you are healing too.
We are here so if banging on the keys helps, do that too.

Jewells.

Just a thought that I think applies to all of us, whether we are widowed when we are young or older. If you were truly in love with your partner the following two quotes are short and to the point and for us ,by now an obvious reality.

Love is a debt. When the bill comes, you pay in grief.

? Mary Doria Russell


Loving someone means that you will inevitable grieve for them;
love is an engraved invitation for grief. So its true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love.

? Sunshine O'Donnell,

Best Regards, George

Letting it all out through tears is the only way to relieve that tension that builds all day long, as we pretend to be OK before the eyes of society. For me, it takes all I have to pretend that I am recovering on some imaginary time scale being used by the well meaning, but ignorant people who have never lost a spouse. Some will try to compare how they felt when losing a parent, to what we are going through. I've been through both. As much as I loved my parents, and grieved, no comparison to spousal loss. Not even close, at least to me. There are days when I go to a quiet part of the house or yard, and purge that tension through tears. It is healthy, and calms me afterward. I will not show it in public, just a foolish guy pride thing for me. After I let it out completely, there comes a point in the day when I know the tension and pain has been purged for the day, and a calm comes to me, as I know nothing can hurt me anymore for that one day. I now plan on sadness every day. I stopped trying to escape it through whatever distractions I had created to try to convince myself that Sharry being gone was going to be correctable with effort. Her removal from my life will never be acceptable. I'll have to settle for survival, at least for now.Whatever it takes to get through each day, until the pain hopefully dulls over time, as others have related. Sure hope that happens.
Robert

I have had glaucoma for over 5 years. When I went to my glaucoma specialist for my 3 month exam, he said "this is the best eye pressure you have had since I first started treating you." I asked him does crying help, because I have been doing a lot of crying. My husband passed away July 27, 2013. I don't cry as much, but there are those times and all of you know very well. I saw this quote: When asked how was this person surviving after their loss, "I wake up every morning." Every morning it is getting better. My prayers to you all.

Thank you guys and gals
Reading all the replies took me a really long time. I was constantly stopping to wipe the tears away so I could continue reading. Nobody knows like we do, what each of us is going through. I really, really, really do appreciate hearing from you.

So similar, I am feeling the same at almost 6 months. I gave into the grief wave and just let it all out without trying to justify why I was crying, just cried to the point that I was drained, but then also felt okay afterwards. Baby steps of progress towards healing. Blessings. Doreen