Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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DJC 11/26/2018

My husband is gone almost a month. I’ve been invited on three trips. I can barely get out of bed and shower but you want me to go on a trip. I have been told numerous time you will find someone else. You know what I feel. I feel like someone ripped the front of me off and I am exposed. Rich was my front man. I was the strong woman behind him and it worked for us. He was the out going one who represented us at weddings funerals and parties. I never wanted to do that stuff now I’m grieving and sad and doubly don’t want to do those things. People say call me you know where I am if you need to talk. But our time was 2am to 4am. Who is up at that time to talk. I still wake up at that time. His dear friend said call me and I know he means it. But I don’t want to become the needy widow or give a wrong impression or anger anyone’s lady for calling at that time. I just want to talk about my husband if I can’t talk to my husband. Miss you love you babe.

Myfavorite 11/26/2018

Hi. I'm sitting in an airport coming home from my first trip. I'm at 5 months. Its tough to just get out of bed sometimes. For me I couldn't stay in bed. I would run myself until I just passed out. Breathe dear. You will travel when you're ready. I get the sleep thing. I struggle with that too. Talking with others is a big issue. We lose our confidant, the one who we tell everything, no matter how trivial and finding someone to talk to can be hard. I'm sending you a friend request. Hugs.

shewearsblack17 11/26/2018

DJC, I also have reservations about asking other women's husbands for help. I broke my wrist severely in September, so I did advertise for a handyman. My late husband did handyman jobs on the side and mostly for single or widowed women. There were TIMES when I felt a bit insecure, just being honest. My therapist told me today to not worry about the garage and all the repairs needing done (which my landlord is ignoring). Anyway, I'm two years out, and I was really geared up to get loose from my cocoon and try to make a new life for myself the best I could - when voila, I got ejected from a step ladder. Maybe by next Spring I can regroup and move or whatever. I hate to say this, but people forget about us after a short time. I guess they think we are "over" our grief. They apparently forgot him as well.

regwin 11/26/2018

Hi D, I'm D also. I feel for you. Your friends mean well. they think a trip is the answer. Maybe later it will help some. You'll know when. This is a bad time to lose your love. My husband passed away 12 years ago today. We posted a video of our Anniversary today on Social media. it was right before he passed. We always do a tribute on this day, his birthday and Vets Day. Your Husband will always live in your heart. it will take time to get through the grieving. There;s no hurry. Give it all the time you need. I can only promise that Brighter Days are ahead .Love and Hugs, Dolores

DJC 11/27/2018

Thank you both ladies you got my drift.
My husband had sooo many male friends but he brought very few home. I respected him and we both knew what that meant. I'm sure its all done in love of my husband. Right now I don't need anyone to help me do anything not if I didn't see you when he was alive. Never thought I'd have to worry about any of this ugh its draining.
And yup they mean well they want me to get out of my shell and go away and have fun. But I'm fine in my shell right now. I'm just going to take the time I need. 2 years or 12 years it just seems an eternity as long as it grows softer I can wait.

Nocaponlove 11/27/2018

I am at 3 and a half months and I cant take a trip yet. Some days I stay in bed all day and others I force myself to run errands all while feeling like I am in a fog. Its hard at night and thats when people are with their families. I also have had to call a handyman and a landscaper. Miss him doing all of those things. I feel like I lost me when he went. I understand what and how all you ladies feel as well. Tough time of year.

coleson99 11/30/2018

I lost my wife very unexpectedly 2 months ago. We were together for 32 years and she was my everything! I know how you are feeling. People, friends and family have told me the exact statements you all have mentioned. I know they mean well, but I cant believe the suggestion of try to have fun or go meet someone. My God, she was my soulmate for 32 years, how can I be expected to just move on. Like many of you, I am up in the middle of the night with no one to talk to and no one to call. Our kids are grown and this happy home that we built together is now nothing more than an empty lonely shell of a house. I still say I love you, but now there is no reply. To be honest, I don't want to do anything with anyone. My wife was my go to person when I needed to talk, she was my best friend and my inspiration, She was the calming voice that I longed for, she was my everything! When I lost her, I also lost part of my soul and part of my heart died. Why is it so hard for people to see this?

inarut 12/01/2018

Whew! I totally get you.. My husband of 33 years died after a long battle with cancer. My days are an endless loop with no meaning. Sorry for us both.

DJC 12/01/2018

I got to talk to my husband’s cousin last night. What I realized is he is grieving too. He wants what I want. If he can’t talk to him to at least be free to talk about him. We had such a good time sharing and laughing. I pray you all get that person to share with. If not in person then talk here. This site has helped me so much.

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