I think all of us, at one time or another, think about hurrying our own death along to be again with our lost loved one. But it is not our time yet. We aren't finished here. for whatever reason, so that is why we can't rejoin them yet. Your partner wouldn't want you to feel this much pain - but he wouldn't want you to cut your life short on his account either. He would want you to get help. He would want to see you smile again. There were a couple of things that helped me when I felt that desperately lonely for my husband - and I mean beyond the obvious obligations to stay (I have kids) - one was the recognition that he was with his mom and the others he loved and loved him and that right now they are having a sweet reunion and will pass the time until it's my time and then we'll all be together, and the other was to get grief counseling - my private place to scream and cry away from all the people who just don't understand. Have you checked in with your counselor? I am sorry you are having such an awful time. I know it's terrible, but please don't give up. Hugs.

Cliffkat says it all my friend. I miss my Robert and wish we can again be together. But God had a different plan...for both of us. I am not really happy with God right now for what happened to Robert, but i am amazed at what is happening in my life. I am following my heart. James, we have to gone on with our lives. What are your dreams? You can do anything right now and I am talking to myself right now too. I have an incredable support system with my church and spiritual director. I am heading towards ministry. A gay Minister, WOW. God has plans for us honey. Seek, listen, hear. You have a task, what is it. Working with people with heart disease. Working with the grieving. Your local food bank. Volunteering for an Aids project. Delivering food for Meals on Wheels. Reaching out to gays in need. You have so much to give, now is the time. Look beyond and see what God has in store for you. You will find love again. I will find love again. The internet is filled with preditors. I got hit on here. You are great, fulfill your destiny. I would like to talk with you more....send me a message so we can talk more, when you are ready. I got your message earlier. I will make the point to get in touch again.

Thank you so much for your replies cliffkat and Rodius.

I am a nurse assistant and I help those in need all the time. Someday I want to become a nurse..or is that murse.

I also get angry at God and ask him why he had to separate my Tom and me, and so soon since we were together for a little over five years. We were so right for each other and so happy.

I just don't understand life and why things happen. I still have a hard time deciding whether it was his time or just bad decisions.

Do others have this endless debate? The if onlys.

I truely feel your pain, and I'm so sorry thing just have to be this way. I feel every day I wish that cancer would have just taken my life. I miss my husband with every fiber of my being, but nothing will ever bring him back, which makes things worse. But on the other hand I know he would not want me to feel the way i do, and Im sure your significant other would feel the same way. Feel better!!!

I find I am so angry--no one, not even Hitler, deserves pain like this and I just want out, but I know that isn't the answer. There has to be something to learn, and some reason we were left behind. Maybe we are better able to take it, although I don't see how. This just sucks the big one, but our spouses wouldn't want that kind of cowardly action from either of us. Let's just hang in there and hope, and in my case, at least, pray that it gets easier. Dixiewoman

I am angry and confused - as we all are. I was raging awhile back wondering just what ^%$^$^% lesson I was supposed to learn from this - and a dear friend said, "I don't know that it's so much what we are supposed to learn, but that Jeff had finished with what he was here to teach us." It may sound like semantics, but it made sense and made me feel better. Jeff was an inspiration to all who knew him...and I am becoming more aware of that every day. He fought diabetes and all its complications for 40 years and kept on going like the energizer bunny. He was seldom down and always encouraged other people - and sort of shamed us if we felt sorry for ourselves. Anyway, If his teaching was done, I need to look elsewhere - maybe even inside myself - for my next lessons...I know that my beloved - and yours - would want us to go on and to be happy again...it just may take us some time. I actually have a WWJD plaque on my desk, but mine is "What would Jeff do?" when I am faced with a decision. and I know he would not want me to give up...when we are so intertwined that we know one anothers thoughts, we can still do that...bless you from the bottom of my broken heart,

I do wish that I was in heaven with my husband right now. I have only been without him for five weeks and I keep hoping everynight that God would let me pass away in my sleep. I want so bad to be with my husband. Living without your husband in your twenties is cruel. But I know that my husband would not want me to hurry up my own death. We even talked about what we would want the other to do in case one of us died. We both agreed that we would want the other to move on, live their life, and maybe even remarry. I never imagined that I would have to live without him so soon after that talk. It's too hard to move on right now. Hopefully with time, I will be willing to live my life with passion again.

Hi. First, I want to thank you for being so open about your feelings because I feel the same way. The pain is just too much to bare. I lay awake on my bed hoping and wishing that I will feel the warmth again of my soul mate. I dream about him all the time although, it's impossible for us to be together right now. Praying has helped and treasuring his memory that will never die. I feel like I need love!!! But, only my love could make me whole again. I wish I had an answer for you why we have to feel or go through this. Remember, you are not alone. Although it is a tough journey, I'm embracing the challenges that God wants me to confront because I know that I'd go through it all again just to know that he is with me in the end.

God Bless,
Sad Amy

It does get better, as time goes on I lost my hubby in Nov of 2006, I think I know how u feel, I also lost a step son in Nonv of 2005, wow go figure,take care

Many times I thought it would be great to be with my sweetie again. I am not suicidal but if something happened to me which would result in me being with my sweetie I would welcome it. Life without my sweetie is hard. I am not living, I am only existing if you know what I mean.

I know that my sweetie would want me to keep going but at the moment, it is just so hard and painful. Taking baby steps that is all we can do....