Hey Beki,
We didn't have life insurance on my wife it was too expensive with health issues. I don't have a foot stone yet. Still paying for her funeral. I have been told by the cemetery people that I have to have the funeral paid for before I can put a head stone there. The kicker, Linda wanted to be by her mother if she went first so I honored her wishes. They can put my in a box out back I'll be fine. Anyway The plot her mother is in has already been paid for. But still the funeral has to be paid for first. What am I going to do dig her up one night and not pay? I am so tired of these people in this business being business people no compassion that's genuine.
Peace, Tim

I finally have Meredith's funeral paid off, and now I am working on the headstone.

All of our life insurance was on me because I was always the sick one so we had nothing on Meredith. Stupid mistake.

I have the headstone all picked out and have the rough design of it here at the house. My problem is that I have not put any type of payment down on it. Not that I can't but I just can't yet. As if her death was not final enough this is the last thing I can do for her and I can't bring myself to that point yet. I don't want to feel like my job of taking care of her is over. I know it seems selfish but that is honestly where my struggle is currently.

Hey hfire,
I completely understand where your coming from. I am dreading going thru that. I hate loose ends especially something like this. But I have to in order to keep moving like Lyn would want me to. Take care.
Peace, Tim

Since Al was cremated, he is in my closet. I want to get a plot in our hometown cemetery when I move back. I hadn't thought about how this will be the "final" for him, although I know he is in heaven. I was thinking it would be so nice to be able to go to the cemetery, sit by his gravestone and cry, laugh, smile - all the emotions as my brain runs through memories.

Hi Beki the paper work will drive you crazy. Take care of your girls but take care of yourself first. In time it will all get done maybe you can have someone help you with it. I have people in the bank that we used helping me with some of the papers. Take care and God Bless you and your girls. Robert

I paid Toms funeral off, his grave had to be paid off before his headstone could be placed, cemetery had to ok the type of granite it was and the design on the stone. Then I had to pay to have the stone placed on his grave. I felt that I was getting ripped off but what can you do? Your right Tim there is no compassion.

I am just passing this along because I know that if the deceased served in the armed forces, the federal government will pay for a grave marker at no charge. This is how we were able to get a marker for my father's grave (he served in the Korean War).

http://www.va.gov/vaforms/va/pdf/VA40-1330.pdf

It was 2 years before Cliff had a headstone. There was a little temporary sign there until we got the stone done. You don't have to have everything done in a hurry. The funeral and cemetery people know we are vulnerable and will give you a hard sell. Take your time. I found trying to encapsulate everything he was to me and our boys into a few words a hard experience. I am glad I took my time. By the time I was ready to order the stone, I was stronger and my head was clearer, to say nothing of having the money ready and the other paperwork dealt with by then.

Just my two cents..... hang in there....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Since both my husband and myself served in the military, we could have had all expenses paid if we were buried in a military cemetery in MI. My husband told me that he wanted to be buried by his brother, so I honored that. I was told by the funeral home that they would give me a few months to decide on a headstone. I definitely want to be buried next to him and will get a headstone to reflect that. Thankfully, my brother in law is giving me that plot or else I would of chose the military cemetery. Went to his grave site today to try and clean it up a little. Very muddy and wet....made me sad. Saw a headstone of a couple with a picture of them on it, thinking of doing that. Day by day is all I can do right now......Always Sue

I don't want to offend anyone but I have had a list of professions
for years that I always dread encountering ( lawyers, car
salesmen and bankers ). Now, I add funeral directors. They
know we are emotionally vulnerable and in a fog but we have
hours to reach important decisions. There is some cold blood
running through those veins. At least that was my experience.

My wife was cremated ( her request ) and I received her ashes
in three containers. One has already been spread at her
favorite beach, a second one is going to be spread in Montana
( her request ) and the third one ( large one ) will be in a plot
next to me. I am in the process of buying two plots and making
my own arrangements. I don't want anyone to have to go through
the process of making arrangements / paying when it is my
time

I kind of feel like hfire76 on proceeding with the final details
on the cemetery plot and completing the headstone process.

However, I have given a great deal of thought to it and I am
going to steadily proceed to conclusion for three reasons. The
first is to have the financial burden lifted from family Secondly,
I know exactly what I want on the headstone and I don't want
to leave it to anyone else that may change it ( at least for my
wife ). Last but certainly not least, it has been almost 8 months
and I don't have a place to go and sit and talk to her. I know
I can sit anywhere and talk to her but I want be able to go
and leave some flowers in a place where I know it is her
" final resting place " next to where I am going to be at a point
in the future. I have absolutely no idea as to whether her spirit
will accompany some of her ashes but I am hopeful she will
know what I am doing and why I am there. I don't know for
certain but, somehow, I feel like it is going to give to me at
least a tiny bit of peace or comfort. I would settled for a " tiny
bit " of peace or comfort at this point.

Blessings to all -

Darrell

I'm so glad Ken and I talked about our wishes in our deaths. Neither of us wanted a funeral. We both thought it was over priced and waste of money. He always said the funeral business gougez the grieving.
Ken went straight to the crematorium. Still had to pay for plywood box we wanted just a bag. The kids and I did pick out an urn for his cremains and eventually I'll be in with him. Still cost just under $4000.00. That was with no visitations. Most cost was transportation of his body from the city he passed away in to our city the change of vehicle to tKe him a short ride to the crematorium and ash bCk the the funeral home.
Thankful we haven't had to worry about plot or headstone. When I go kids can spread us or do what they wNt with our remains.
I have my Ken with me on a special shelf with his picture above. Gives me comfort. Will try and post picture in my photos..

I am sorry to hear all the negative stories about funeral homes and directors. I can't say enough about the folks that I worked with. Now, full disclosure, my husband worked part time at the funeral home, so there was that connection, but everyone I dealt with could not have been any kinder, more thoughtful and helpful. As weird as it sounds, I almost felt sad to be done with them (and as it turns out, I am not, as our church is now using their chapel for Sunday worship services as of yesterday....another story for another post)

I had the marker ordered within 2 months of my husband's passing. I am not good at decisions at the best of times, and we all know that in our grief the simplest decisions can be confounding. So i was dreading that task. Again, the lady at the monument place was awesome. I did not even know where to start and she helped me build something. She was very patient with my flip flopping on a few things. Often the only way I can get myself to make a decision is to tell myself that I can change it if I really want to. Yes, it may cost more money and maybe could not be done right away, but if I REALLY didn't like it and it bothered me, I could change it. It isn't here yet, but I am looking forward to it being installed. I anticipate going to the cemetery frequently this summer and I feel like this will make his resting place complete.

Every step in this process is so personal and takes energy - energy we don't always have when we would like to.

Take care all.
Kate

My interaction with the funeral director was positive on every level. He was comforting and understanding and in no way tried to take advantage of me. I guess I was fortunate and it's something that needs to be looked into in advance. Sharon

Katie2016. The funeral director and staff at the funeral home we used to bring my Ken home were awesome. They did not pressure us to have a service and just took us into the casket room and left us to pick out an urn.
The thing that got me in the costs. Prepare body. They had nothing to do no clothes to put on etc. The cost of using different vehicles then the gas. Okay can see that.
The funeral home because of my vision filled out many of the government papers and gave me 50 copies of his death certificate.
No complaints here.

I had to put up a piece of property I own for collateral before they would bury my Lyn.
Peace, Tim