I know how you are feeling Russ, I am at 18 months and I think reality has really set in. The longing for them just won't go away and I find myself crying much more. Maybe we are realizing that this is the way it is and we can never change it. Family and friends are there but the love of our life is gone. What now? I am so grateful for the wonderful years we had but I miss what we had and I want it back and I can't! Look after yourself, one day at a time. Marilyn

I was at 17 months when I finally excepted that my husband was not going to come in the front door ever again. It took my head and heart to come together that long. Grieving was all consuming. Sure I still have tears but now just let those tears come as passing showers. I am now at 31/2 years and can say that sure I wish tom was still here, but now I am forever grateful for the 341/2 years we shared..he drove me crazy at times, but I was still crazy in love with him! Memories of the fun now bring a smile much more often then tears..peace..sandy

It's another sign of progress, and like the other ones, not very pleasant. We all can't help but deny the truth that this isn't a nightmare we will wake up from or realize he/she is not going to walk through the door. So the brain accepts it in pieces until the realization hits. Now you will find yourself deciding what path the rest of your life will follow. That too will take time, but hold onto the hope that you can enjoy living, just not the same as we depended on. Sharon

I am so sorry you are going through a rough time, Russ. Unfortunately I think that may be our fate from this point on to have periods when life is just rotten. But what can we do? We have to just slog through until the torrent dries up and then move on. I just try to keep busy, waiting for this life to become the new normal. My life had value outside of my marriage while my husband was alive, and I just have to remember that is still true today.

Hi, Russ . . .
I'm at 13 months and I know how you feel. This past week has been especially rough, and I spent most of the day today in tears. I lost a dear cousin this week, and 10/10 marks 31 years since the day my mother passed away. I feel as though my grief is tripled this week. Here's hoping next week will be better for all of us.
Wishing you peace . . .

Russ...I agree with you..it does get harder after the reality hits and has been in place for awhile. They talk about the last stage in grief being acceptance, but I think resignation is a better word. Acceptance denotes you've come to peace with it and have now dealt with it. But resignation just means you have faced WHAT IS and there is NOTHING you can do and the memories good and bad will live in you and change your life forever. We all look for mental peace, but do we really ever find it? I'm at 15 months and as I've seen thru many months on several widow/widower sites, those that do best are those with strong family ties, those that find love again and those that actually come to like their newfound independence and freedom. The rest of us suffer with the constant roller coaster ride and the constant need to keep busy......just the reality of it

Russ I too know how you feel...I am at 22 months and I really thought I was doing OK...kept myself busy working ...taking care of things that needed to be taken care...helping other people and on and on ..but now I am struggling with everything...not so much on the outside but the inside..I have many friends and though my immediate family is small we are very close..but still I feel so lost..so so lost. I am thankful that I found this site and so many people just like me....thank u for posting this....I started bawling like a baby when I read it and now Im feeling wiped out...but in a sort of good way..ugh!!