I'm with my mom now and hearing that from her all the time. Some things, she just won't do, and others, she does under great protest. My dad was "supposed" to be taking care of all these things and she shakes her fist at him. So I don't think this reaction is that unusual.

Every time I have to take the trash out, I think all over again about EVERYTHING that is now upon my shoulders alone. All the while, I have nobody to tell about my day, the clever things I've said to somebody, etc. Nobody who really knows or cares where I am at every instant.

I know what you're saying here. We can't help our feelings, even knowing that this was far from any choice they would have made.

I had been divorced for eight years prior to meeting Jim so I was used to taking care of myself. This time it is different. I feel abandoned. Jim tried as hard as he could to live but our battle was over almost as soon as it began. I can still do all the things I did before but, now, it is with a great sadness. When I did them before I was happy to be out of a bad marriage so didn't mind. This time I know I will be taking care of myself until I am too old to do so and then, my kids will take over. I know how lucky I am to be able to do the things I need done...but that doesn't ease of sadness of no longer having my husband here.

Last night when I was mowing the lawn for the first time this season I just cried the whole time. When I was done I was just plain mad at the world. I threw a little pity party for me on the deck but no-one was there but me!! It just is not right that we have to do EVERYTHING!

It just seems so irrational on my part because up until we remarried, I was quite independent. In fact, the first time we married, it was one of his complaints about me: I would never let him help me. Now I think in so many ways I should have stayed that independent woman. This would be so much more easy. Thing is, I became a born-again christian, embracing my role as wife. I was honored to be his wife and loved him deeply. I just don't know. The old pre-born again woman would have had an easier time.

Oh I hope it is normal because I feel so sorry for myself sometimes and feel so angry at the situation. I mumble to my self things like, "oh this is just great, now I have to do this too and who gives a @hit", or I just moan and groan like poor, poor, pitiful me. Oh it really does feel like being abandoned in a cold world where other people have someone to count on but poor me!!! Geez, Rob use to really take good care of me, he would call me to check on me all the time. Now my kids call because they do worry but it is not the worrying that was a comfort it was having someome who was anxious to see you and hear your voice so often during a day.
I can relate to MrsJRS, I was alone after my 1st. marriage but was enjoyed feeling independent from my ex. Now I just feel sad and alone. i can do everything if I have to, but I just don't want to do anything and feel very sad that no one is there to share anything with. Hugs, Donna

Everytime I hose down the pool deck I always think how much better he did it. Today I had to clean the rain spouts and he alwsys did that too. I have always been independent and can certainly take care of myself but I never really appreciated all of the little things he did that I now need to do. When I was away for business he called to make sure I was OK now there is noone to do that. Not that I needed it, but it was so nice to feel protected.

Soon after DH passed away everything started going wrong around here. My central air unit went out, so did the washing machine, dish washer, microwave. Needed plumbing work, etc. Had extensive hurricane damage to my dad's place that I had up for sale. Each time I would cry and cry. It is such a lonely feeling. Having been married 36 yrs. I had never handled any of this. We had a ac guy we used so I knew who to call. DS helped me replace the appliances, picked them up and installed them. It was so hard when I could barely tell you my name at that point. Now 2 yrs. into this I'm better at getting the house maintained by myself. My main concern was being taken by someone as soon as they found out I was a widow and I didn't know who to call. After all the worrying and crying I have been able to find reliable honest repairmen and have had a lot of work done on my house. There are kind, honest people out there and I am feeling more confident than at the beginning. Hate it though.

It is just so hard knowing I'm responsible for anything and everything. Only one of the many things that reminds me of losing him.

I can relate - only my taking over "everything" started 5 years before my husband died, when he had a major stroke and had to move into an assisted living facility. I do not drive, so I had to figure out how to do everything like grocery shopping, getting to and from work in really bad weather since I could no longer call him to pick me up, visiting him via bus, etc. For those of you who drive, you just cannot imagine how much time and energy it takes to walk to bus stops, wait around outside in all kinds of weather, know that you cannot carry a lot of things because they are too heavy or too bulky, and the frustration of just not being able to get to places that are outside of the bus routes and too expensive to take a cab - and throughout it all knowing that you don't drive because you cannot, rather than by choice. It could be very overwhelming at times, especially with my husband living several miles across town. Needless to say I have become very independent and creative about doing things on my own, finding alternatives, and even knowing that some things I simply have to let go as not being logistically possible to accomplish. laurabp

I became a single parent to two disabled sons. I had to re-learn to drive because Cliff did all the driving. I became "man of the house" and it's an old house that needs lots of little repairs, that he would have been able to handle without much thought. I had to learn to ask for help and admit I couldn't do everything on my own. Usually, that meant paying for help and trying not to be taken advantage of. I hated it. I still hate it.

It's tough, but we manage to get through it. It ain't fun, but we do it.

Love and Hugs, Martha