I believe at some point I have become more numb than teary too. I lost my wonderful husband about two months ago now, and the teary periods are shorter than they used to be, and the numbness is more a constant now. I'm keeping very busy with work so I think that helps me to keep my mind occupied, which I think is good for me.

I think everyone is a little different in grief. I know that even at the two month mark, I can feel joy again for brief moments, which makes me very glad because my husband would have been very upset to see me stay as upset and sad as I was at first.

Writing and reading on this site is a great help because overall, the best thing I think we give to each other is the feeling that there really are people going through the same thing as we are right now.

I experienced this for at least several months. My husband passed away May 1 and I just feel I am coming out of the numbness/fog. I also went out of town for the holidays/Christmas to spend with the grandbabies. It did take my mind off of it a little but the New Years I was home by myself and was overcome with extreme sadness. 2014 was the worst year of my life. Hopefully 2015 will get better.

I know how you feel. My wife died on November 27 and I've been numb since. I do tear up sometimes, but not like I imagined I would. The kind folks here at DS say that feelings are yours alone and there's no "normal". I pray for you to feel better. Chris

Honestly, if it weren't for the "numb" feeling I wouldn't be able to put my grief aside and "deal" with all the issues that come up after someone has passed.

There was the fixing-up and selling of our vacation home and taking the cars in for repairs and the gathering of belongings that needed sorting and on and on. We all have to deal with all sorts of things and being "numb" helped me to move ahead.....not forward, just ahead.

I still work a full-time job and to some I'm older than most and not as young as others but I still want to be active in the work force. So, in that regard, NUMBNESS served a great purpose.

When I need to cry, I wait until I'm driving home and boy do I let my steering wheel have it!!! If my car could only talk! Oh! Don't worry, I'm very careful and drive very slow and cautiously when the tears come.

I'm talking to myself a lot more now and sometimes I talk into the air and ask Morey, "why", "why", "why?"

The sadness is prevailing in my life right now, as I know it is in yours. I'm dealing with it one-day-at-a-time!

With Love,
Roz

I am at my 3 month mark tomorrow from the loss of my Manny. I too feel "numb" I believe its our body`s way of just allowing us a few moments not to cry as we cry so much. From all the small little things to the bigger things i.e. Holidays. I think if we don't feel that numbness we might just fall apart completely.

I think what Roz said is a perfect way to say it:

" Honestly, if it weren't for the "numb" feeling I wouldn't be able to put my grief aside and "deal" with all the issues that come up after someone has passed."

Yes, for sure, I can identify......I would get pockets of numbness. Lately, I seem to be "on the ball" as they say.
As. Roz says,.....make use of those numb times,.....they enabled me to just "BE" and get other things done. It's ok!
Hugs,
Sandra

Thanks everyone. Numbness went away for a few hours last night. Broke down pretty good. I guess my body was prepping me for returning from seeing my parents over the holidays, to walking back into my empty house

Hi there . . so sorry for the loss of your spouse. I think "numbness / fog" is our minds way of coping when we don't know how to assemble and accept such a loss in our lives. I look at it as an inherent primitive survival mode that we don't / can't control. As you become stronger and able to deal with the reality that is now yours, the numbness will lift and you will be able to move through differing stages of grief and then finally to acceptance. Don't question yourself too much and don't spend time comparing what you should be feeling, doing right now. Relax, be gentle with self and know you are not alone on this journey. Big hug to you, Dayna

I too experienced the numbness early on. For me, it was protective andallowed me to do and move thru all the things that have to be done, funeral, estate stuff, etc. Eventually the numbness began to fade and the pain got worse for awhile. The empty house was almost unbearable. After keeping it together all day at work I'd cry on the way home and sit in the driveway, often for an hour or so before I could go in. For me, seeing a therapist was one of the best decisions I have made. She helped me to understand that there are no shortcuts to grief. Everyone's grief experience is different but there is healing in the pain. It's been a year now for me and I can see now that all I experienced was necessary. In all those baby steps I took, forward, and sometimes back, I came to see grief itself as a healing process. To begin to find peace again I had to work with it, understand it and allow it to work thru me. I can't tell you it's been easy but if you work with it in time you'll begin to see things get better.
Peace and ( ( hugs ) )
John

I'm sorry for what you and all of us have and are going through with this grief. What you are experiencing is the first year fog that almost everyone goes through. I think it is the way our bodies and minds protect us in these times of great loss. I know I experienced it for at least a year maybe longer. I also want to warn you all that the second year for me seemed worse in some ways, better in others. It isn't the same for all, but just wanted you to know. It was 2 years this past Sept. that I lost my wife Donna. We were married for 40 years. My profile is open in case you are interested in the whole story. Suffice it to say this isn't an easy road for anyone.

Take care of yourself, Jeff

My husband passed eight months ago. I felt and sometimes still do like I was walking in a fog...I was told by someone (especially in the beginning) to be VERY careful when driving a vehicle, and looking back I understand ...there were so many times I was (Mindless) driving. I still catch myself doing that again, my thoughts drift and I am not focusing on the here and now.. The holidays were really tough..I have decided to see a therapist for some needed counseling.
Everyone deals with this differently, you are in my thoughts and Prayers.

Of course. That is how it goes, especially now - your loss is still so raw.
After 5 years I have learned the art of laughing on the outside and crying very privately. Things DO get a bit easier later, but the pain does remain - it is perhaps more manageable later. I am with you, and can extend a hand to you on this our journey we would not have asked for. xxx

Yes, I had the numbness and fog. It was very hard for me to focus as I felt like I was in a dreamland. I lost Art on May 19th and the first 5 months were very hard for me. When I have my melt downs I look it as my body needs to release the pressure relief valve and let some pain out. I must say that the fog is now lifting, not all the way yet. However, I do see light at the end of the tunnel and know it is not a train. You are not alone!! Hugs. Sue

What you describe is very common in our loss. It's so unbelievable we can't believe it's true. We just keep processing moment by moment. I remember feeling he would walk in the door at any moment and be hit again by reality of his not coming back. Too much to bear. Sharon