Oh Carla! It is so painful to lose the one you love! All our plans and dreams are crushed with his passing. But we must go on without them now. This is so hard day after day the loss is so great!! I'm doing ok after losing my Bob who I loved for 41 years!! My best friend in the whole world!! He was my whole world!!! Now I cling to God who don't blame. I trust Him that He will get me thru this and that he has my future in His hands. That's how I get thru!! You are in my prayers!!

Oh Carla, I wish there was a quick easy answer, but there isn't.
Your grief is still very raw after 3 months. I have said that Grief takes you to depths your thought you would never go.

It's been a little over a year for me, I still cry, but not as often. But my love is on my mind 24/7 & that's the way it will always be for me after being together for 38yrs.

Grief counselling is a great idea & coming to DS is such a big help too.
Take each day as it comes, because your emotions will be up & down and all over the place. Be kind to yourself.. Take care

Carla..I'm so sorry for your loss and pain in your heart...i am heading toward the 3 year mark and it's still hard to believe at times Everyone is different but I have really found this site to be a god send...the people here are genuine and caring...If the counseling is giving you comfort maybe you can go more often...I used my faith many times to carry me..it's a hurt that is so horrid...sending a hug and hopes of rest for you

Carla . . . you are in "flight or fight" mode . . the basics of survival. Wishing to run away would be considered "flight" . . totally normal to think about. However, it won't get you far from your pain right now. Wherever we find ourselves, no matter the escape plan, we will still experience the pain of our loss until we have fully grieved said loss. Three months in is still very early .. however, one day, you will be able to move on and plan the next move in your life. Right now, simply breathe and allow life to unfold. Your therapy is important . . I understand. However, in between your appointments, it is up to you to do your homework . . which is allowing room to grieve. I'm so sorry it hurts right now. Yes it does, and it will for some time. Simply breathe and take it in baby steps, one day at a time. Soon you will find the path to healing that you seek. Hugs, D

Carla, It is so very hard to even wake up everyday and face the new day without my husband. I miss him all the time and there is not a moment during the day that I don't think of him. It has been almost 5 months and although I don't spend my days in bed all day everyday anymore I still find that I am sad all the time. I have to push myself to go out and socialize which is something we always did together. I know that with time it will get better (so I am told) we just have to reinvent ourselves as half of one now......Hugs to you!!!!

Carla, I'm so sorry for your pain...and I have no idea when, or even if, the pain ever goes away...I'm just past 4 calendar months...and I cry several times/day, every day...I am tired of waking up in the morning...I just want things back to the way they were...life is so unfair...

I am so sorry. Running away is your first instinct, however, there is really no place to run. The grief stays with you, you just have to work through it. I am so sorry, it is a very long haul, and I have not found any short cuts. Things get better but it takes time and grieving and being miserable and working through the misery. Just take it one day at a time and try to be gentle with yourself.
Hugs,
Val

So sorry for your pain, please know its a normal pain through the grief journey. While running away from your home may not be the best in the long run is there anywhere you can go to visit an old friend or family in a quiet peaceful scenic place for even just a week or few days. You might need to clear a little of the fog feeling and see things a little bit better. It would be a little bit of a break from being in the atmosphere that hurts so bad. Hugs

Thank you for all of the great comments and your advice. It helps to know that I am not alone in my thoughts and grief. It's just a roller coaster ride of emotions. I am grateful for your thoughts and kind words!