From the get go , keeping busy was a must as sitting down to watch t.v. was asking for sadness to come. For me sewing was what help me through as sewing was the only activity that brought me peace and would allow my mind to finally rest. I had a project that needed to be done because it was to be a baby shower gift so forced myself to do it and found that sewing would still be a very zen like experience for me so I started sewing for charity. I know do pillowcases for sick children . They are a small project and one can be done in 20 minutes . That makes it a great project because each pillowcase is unique and the fabric constantly changing. The other night I felt a grieve attack coming on so I went to my sewing room and was able to avoid the crisis . It truly calms me down and time just flies by . For me it is very therapeutic.

It's very hard to be so alone. My dogs are good company so I'm never technically "alone," cause they follow me everywhere I go. Also three cats always around me too. I'm also lucky in that two of our kids still live at home, so their comings and goings keep me from being isolated. They are 18 and 21 and they are doing OK given that their Dad passed away just 4 months ago. But as far as how to fill you mind when you get restless, I discovered Netflix (which I've subscribed to for years for the kids, but I never used it. It's only $8 a month, and you can instantly watch lots of good shows that give you an escape. Granted, you only escape for a while, but it's nice because unlike TV, something you want to see is always "on." I'm hooked on the show "30 Rock" which I never watched while it was actually on tv, but now I find that it just helps me lighten my mood and escape for a time. Just a thought --- hope you find something that keeps you busy.

Hi Ramar - I work full time but had the summer off right after my husband passed away. I watched tv - HGTV only - no anxiety since we all know they will eventually buy the perfect house! I didn't have to think about what I was watching.

I am glad I had that time during the summer. I grieved - didn't think I would ever get through a day without crying my heart out. I wrote in my journal, which I didn't keep up, but it helped then and I hope to one day get back to it. When the "dark thoughts" came, I let them come.

I understand about the desire to stay busy and it is so unfair that at this time you are also rather house-bound due to weather. We all cope in our own way and it is a lonely journey. It is 9 months since my husband died. I loved him for many years - 9 months is nothing compared to all the years and experiences we shared. As for not knowing if you can hurt for months and years, well, what choice do we have?

Frankly, I hate this. I would love to remember what I felt like before he died - what was it like to just wake up in the morning and go about my life?

Yes, we still hurt months and years later, but it does get easier.

2 years here. its the winter that does me in. I have lists started for my Spring/Summer. In a few days the temp here in Tennessee is going to be in the upper 60's for a day. My list is too long to get it done. I probably won't get a thing done. I got my genealogy files out. I think I am going to work on them. Get ne past this winter crap. Good Luck...

Winter has me down too. But I went outside today, and even though it was only 10 degrees out, I could feel the heat of the sun. First time in a while I felt that so it gave me a lift, also the angle of the sun is becoming a little less winter-like. I feel myself becoming a bit more active, though I still don't do much but what needs to be done, just like you. I was thinking I'd skip starting plants from seed this year, but I feel the stirring of new life, so I probably will get that going too. Hope you come out of your funk soon. It's an up and down thing so don't put too much pressure on yourself over feeling this way now.

Ramar, I am at almost one year. I wish I could say it gets easier in a flash, but it is all a grief journey. Up and down each day. I joined a support group and it helps. I am introverted by nature and so was my husband, and we spent lots of time together, but had separate interests too. After he passed, I volunteered, joined classes, a support group, reached out to girlfriends since no family in immediate area. Trying to rebuild a life alone and it isn't easy, but I am trying my best. My husband was a very positive person and that inspires me to honor his memory and legacy. Trying to just take it a day at a time...Senior Center is a great place to check out activities too... Much peace to you....

Ramar, my experience was very similar to yours. Through most of our marriage my husband traveled quite a bit, so I found myself alone quite a bit...and handled it well. Also, my career could be all-consuming at times, so I especially valued that down time. When we retired, the adjustment to 24/7 was a challenge! There was time that I looked forward to my husband going to a meeting or seminar so that I could have "me time" , and I'm sure that he felt the same way.

I was talking to my closest friend after he died, wondering why I had so much difficulty with being alone when I had handled it well before. The difference, she told me, was that before he was always going to come home.

There will be some hits and misses as you make the adjustment to this new normal that we all face. I tried a support group early in the process, but it wasn't the right fit then; later worked better. I found a caring counselor who helped me through some very difficult times.

This winter weather certainly doesn't help! We find ourselves going out for just the basics...food, putting gas in the car, etc. I decided to do some heavy house cleaning like my mother used to do...amazing how the soap and water, along with elbow grease, can be therapeutic! I am so ready for decent weather..

Please hang in there. This forum will be a great help to you.

Ramar . . totally normal to feel what you are feeling. I also enjoyed and needed my alone time. I was an only child of a single parent and can do "alone" quite well. However, I don't think it's the "alone" part that messed with me so much in the beginning . . but pure grief that I didn't have the choice to be alone or not. Allow room for your tears and grief. Staying busy is good . . . yet, we still find our grief and loneliness waiting for us when we settle. I also understand your "fear" . . it too is part of the process. I'm almost at 11 months and it does get easier. This support group has been a blessing to me, and I hope that you will find many blessings here as well. Big hug to you . . . xo, Dayna

Hi Ramar,
As you see by the replies, we develop our coping skills to make it through the day and night. That's what the first year is all about, getting over the shock and pain.
For me it was going to the gym. Hard workouts made my body hurt worse than my soul. I slept better. I couldn't get my mind busy, still can't push it too far without going all neurological. Five forced sets of 20 reps have become my zen meditation.
I didn't want to cry anymore. My eyes hurt. I'm alone in a strange land. We moved to the tropical isle of my husband's dreams. I hated my new normal. Nothing in my life was better than being married to my honey.
For each of us the answer is within. Reading what others do helps. God bless.