On August 3 I said good-bye to my husband when I left for work and when I came home he was dead. It was so unexpected and a great shock! The medical examiner said he passed very peacefully just a massive heart attack. She said he pretty much just went to sleep and didn't suffer at all. I still can't believe it.. He was retired and I am 61. My husband was in the middle of a lot of different projects around the house so there is a lot unfinished. This is so overwhelming and I don't know what I would do without the support of my family. We were planning on getting a Will made up next month but I guess we were a little to late and now I will have to sort through some of that stuff. Some days I am tired before I even get up.

Constantly tired, but sleeping is terrifying as well.

DEC1990 and Carolb, I'm fairly new to this site. My husband was killed in a car accident on June 16, 2017. It was a Friday and he was on his way to work. I barely saw him that morning since we got up early. The last time I talked to him was 30 minutes before the accident. I just wanted to say to you both, I understand. While I don't understand why this happens to any of us, I understand your feelings. Know that you are not alone. Thinking of all of and praying for all of us who lost our spouses. Amy

I'm so sorry for your loss...I totally understand how you feel. It is now 9 months since I lost my husband and even though I know for a fact that he is gone, a part of me still can't believe it. I performed CPR on my husband after he suddenly collapsed after seizing for a few seconds. While I was on the phone calling 911 and doing CPR my mind is also screaming this can't be happening...this can't be happening. We were married 6 years, he was only 38. Words are not enough to describe the pain we feel everyday...it's a burden that I do not wish on anybody. The first few weeks after my husband died, I was constantly crying or trying not to cry when I'm outside the house. I miss him so much...and I miss him now more than ever. I still cry everyday, mostly at night when our daughter's already asleep. I also cry for my daughter who will barely remember her dad, all the things she will miss growing up. Today I watched a video of my daughter singing with her dad taken just a few months before he died. I stopped watching our videos for a while because it hurt so much but my daughter just turned 5 last Sept. 1 and I missed my husband so much. We were all laughing in the video...happy. I miss being that person I used to be, able to really laugh and be happy.

I'm sorry missing and all. I also was married just over 6 yrs to my husband. No children. He just turned 56. He was shuttled from hosp. to hospital and died in the last one. He had diabetes, --chf, and kidney disease from it...7 months ago. No communication from him. It was like that when he was hospitalized, but now I know it's forever. He's not there.

October 11th, 2008 - my wife had been ill all day. (we thought it was the flu) We had been watching 2 of our grandchildren all day (I had). @ around 7 PM I went to check on her and she'd fallen asleep sitting up, while cleaning out her purse. I woke her up and told her,"Come on, let's lay down & you can finish going through your purse before we go to church". It was a Saturday night. Her oldest son came by to pick up our granddaughter @ around 8:30. @ 8:45 we went and laid down in bed with her (she had rolled over on her back in her sleep). He asked about her labored breathing & I explained that she did that when she didn't have her mask on (she had sleep apnea). We left the bedroom @ about 8:45 & he left soon after. I locked up the house & made sure everything was secure & went to wake her up to put her mask on. When I walked into the room, I noticed she wasn't breathing & her lips were blue. I put my ear to her chest & heard the last 3 heartbeats she had. I grabbed the phone,as I pulled her off the bed, & called 911! I performed CPR on her, as best I could until EMS arrived. She had aspirated in that 15 minute window that I was out of the room (closer to the last 5 or 6 before I came into the room). While I performed CPR on her, the vomit that she had aspirated got into my mouth, as I tried to breath for her. After EMS & the police arrived, they wouldn't let me in the house because it was considered a "crime scene" until the coroner got there. I used a water hose in my front yard to try to get that horrible taste out of my mouth. I couldn't drink plain water for over a year without gagging, because I'd flashback to that taste! Next month will be 9 years, & I remember everything vividly, as if it happened yesterday!!!

I am sitting here typing all of this, remembering the despair I felt, when I was where you are now!!!!! The time frame for you & I are very similar (I found this group about a month into my grief, as well). My recommendation to you is, as follows:

1. Eat & take care of yourself, even if you don't feel like it. (I didn't & ended up with pneumonia after losing 35 pounds)
2. Don't make any big, life changing decisions in the first year, if you can keep from it. You are going through a learning curve now & need time to adjust.

There's more, but i'm going to close this for now(I've already written a book, & I hunt & peck to type). A few last things, Sweetie. When something traumatic happens to us, it's normal to have PTSD from it (like finding our spouse deceased in bed)!!! Just know that, if I can make it through this, YOU CAN TOO!!!!!
Hope this helps,
Brian