Welcome to this group. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband suddenly five months ago and so understand your feelings. I still struggle with sleep issues too. I'm thankful when I manage 6 straight hours. Some days I feel like I'm getting stronger and then something triggers my grief. We will just have to help each other through this terrible journey. Hugs to you.

I am so sorry that you lost your love. It is so difficult and so lonely as we struggle through this. I have a cousin who lost her husband 2 months before I lost mine. When we spend time together it's like being in our own private therapy session. No one but another widow or widower understands. After almost 21 months I can tell you that the pain does decrease over time. Those waves become a little more even and many of the things you experience initially do change. I still miss my husband with all of my heart but it has become less physically painful. Try to just get through each day as it comes. You will begin to have more good ones and yes some bad ones sometimes but less frequently. I wish you peace.

The beauty of this group is that no one need feel isolated in your grief, even though we have a natural tendency to try our best to grin and bear it. Well, as you've discovered, grins are either non-existent or few and far between. And as for bearing it? How does one bear the unbearable? Knowing that we are not crazy (although I think there must be a fine line between grief and madness.) It is the grief that comes on us that is crazy. And as for sleeplessness, 2 to 3 hours a night was my norm for about 7 or 8 months until I fell asleep at the wheel on the interstate. That's when the doctor prescribed a knock-out antidepressant that I continue to take. Believe me, long term lack of sleep is a very bad thing. Without sleep, my brain literally shut down on me rendering me incapable of thought. Frightening experience. So, do what ever you can to get sleep or I promise it will catch up to you. Trouble with sleeping seems to be fairly common, especially early on. I so remember that emptiness and loneliness as I was being suffocated by grief. Nothing worse, nor could there be. ~~~ Scottie

So sorry for your loss. Grief takes time to overcome. But each day seems to bring more peace and acceptance. God bless you and cover you with peace.

So many of us here have lost our spouses suddenly. In some ways I know it's easier to not have had to watch them suffer, but for me the shock still hits me and knocks me down, even after 2 years. I get back up, but I still struggle. This group is made up of good people who have all gone through the worst, no matter what the circumstances. We're all here for you. Wishing you peace and strength.
Linda

Thanks everyone for your support. It really helps. I am still trying to find myself. Who am I with him gone? I'm doing things he used to do. Things around the house that he took care of like fixing things, computers and tv and the garage and the backyard . . He used to like to go to Home Depot and I had no interest in it. Now I have to deal with these things. Learning new things and having some success. Everytine something' breaks down I get so scared and worried. But gradually having some success. Grandkids have been spending time with me because of summer vacation. Once school starts they will be very busy. I struggle with questions like should I stay in this house or sell it and move to a smaller place etc. I'm getting letters from real estate agents telling me that I can sell the house "as is". I kind of find it offensive. These letters are arriving every single day.
One thing that helps is to write to my husband what I'm feeling. I find that I'm less anxious after I write to him. It is still so hard that I will never see him again or share my life with him. How could he have just like disappeared from my life. Wish I could have given him a hug and told him that I love him. But time was of essence and I was in a hurry to get him to the hospital, not realizing he is not going to come back. Sorry for my rambling post. But I think you understand

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband also passed suddenly in February. Everything you stated about how you feel is how I feel. I pray that you find comfort and peace during this difficult time. ((Hugs))

I am so sorry for your loss. I completely understand your feelings. My husband died suddenly in September 2016 -- we were in a car accident and he died instantly. All I can say is be gentle and kind to yourself. Do whatever you can to feel "okay," even though so much of the time you feel awful and frightened. The "vultures" sent me a lot of mail and called too. You will get through it. Hugs to you.