Many might tell you that it is far too soon for you to be embarking on any sort of physical relationship after the loss of your partner. I, however, won't tell you that, because I too know how the desires of the body can have little to do with the desires of the heart, and visa versa.

However, if your new partner is expecting you to love them and has no patience for you when you talk about your deceased partner, I would seriously consider having a long talk with that partner. Let them know your concerns and let them voice theirs. Keep in mind, nobody can or should try and make you do anything that you are not able and ready to do, so if you are still so much in love with your deceased partner and want to talk about them, then talk about them. If your new partner can't handle or respect that, then it is better to find out the type of person they are now and tell them to hit the road, because they don't care about your feelings at all.

As for your resentment towards things having changed...this is normal. You envisioned a 'life' with your partner...one that has ended much much to soon, and your new partner's attitude is also fuelling much of that resentment.

In the end, only you can decide when the time is right for you to 'move on' and it is to nobody's benefit that you rush the grieving process.

I think, too, you will need to find someone that realizes that you are not just one person, but a package deal...You and the love you have for your deceased partner. If they can accept that, then I think you will find the intimacy in a new relationship is much more natural and relaxed and will be minus the resentment you now feel.

~Terri
"I love you Moore"

JF..what a predicament indeed. As a child, I've remember hearing one should mourn for 1 year. I don't know where I heard it, but in the old days I believe a widow wore black for an entire year...was that on "Gone With the Wind"? I think I will mourn for more than a year, but for now I intend not to make any major decisions (moving, change jobs, etc) for at least a year. This is the time to find yourself. To heal yourself. If you feel resentment, it may be that you are trying to heal too soon. I, on the other hand, have no desire whatsoever to be touched or be intimate with anyone. But that's just me. I personally don't think I will ever be with anyone again. My heart is so broken right now. I envy anyone who can love again. I wish you all the best my friend. Let me know how it goes

By the way, thanks for the responses and this new man I met is not my new partner, only a friend. I made that clear to him, although I know he would want to be my lover. He understands the awkward situation and he is very patient.

Just like you Alfy, I don't think I will be getting partnered anytime soon. I think I need at least a year to heal from my trauma.

It is the worst feeling in the world to know that you had the RIGHT man, now he is gone. By looking for someone new, it is like trying to recreate what you had, albeit on a subconscious level.

I know I will never find another Tom (huge sigh), but it is possible to discover someone new in the future.

After all, I was in a former relationship for 14 years before Tom stole my heart.

I understand what Alfy is saying, I have no desire what so ever to have another relationship. I think until I am ok with myself being alone I will not be ready to be with anyone else Does that make any sense? It does to me. Take the time to grieve a year or two or three what ever it takes. Life is short true, but being confused or unhappy at all isnt something I want in mine. take care , find happiness with yourself first the rest will come when it is right.

Like some others, I couldn't judge for you.

Best approach is I guess to tell the other person and take it slow. I did actually discuss this with my friend I was getting close and they said they didn't have a problem with that. However, I did have a problem with it and stopped.

I wish you luck.

I began dating 4 months after the death of my husband of 7 years. Prior to his death we were headed to divorce.

The man I am dating exclusively understands the my late husband will always be a part of my heart and history (my boyfriend even sat with me as I ordered the inscription on his Head Stone!)
For in my marriage I learned how to love a man & love myself. These traits will definately benefit anyone I marry in the future.

It takes a certain level of maturity that not all men posses. The right guy will come along...