Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
Hi Everyone!
I have been visiting daily and reading posts and I've even tried to respond to a few- but always seem to lose my connection before the post is finished.
Tim, Happy Belated Birthday! I know it was a tough one- and I am sorry for that. However, the best thing about life is today can be gloomy and dark and tomorrow can be all sunshine and sweetness. Somehow, I have a feeling that your next birthday is going to be a little better. I think you have received some incredibly good advice regarding dating. Take that advice to heart, then do what you feel is best for you.
Katie- I think you recently had a birthday too- right? Happy Birthday to You! Mine is the 21st. I am lucky in that, just by chance I will probably be working 12 hours on my birthday because one of my co-workers had a vacation and another has to appear in court. I always do better at work- no time to think much about personal stuff. Anyway, I hope your day was as pleasant as possible. Your posts all seem to indicate that you are doing as well as can be expected- and I am glad to hear it.
I wish I had the time (and lack of fear of losing this entire post) to write a personal note to so many of you. So many of you are so inspiring! I think of you all many times- and draw upon your strength and courage to conjure up my own!
Just a few things that have happened in my life in the last week or so... Bernie's elderly cousin passed away a week ago Tuesday. She was the cousin that lived with her brother. I am so worried about him- he has been so stoic. I know his heart is broken and he is probably in shock. I try to call him at least every other day- but I am not sure that he wants that right now. Even though I just recently lost Bernie, it is hard for me to know what to do for his cousin- because he is an entirely different person than I am. Tuesday morning I checked my Facebook account and found that a friend of mine that has been battling cancer for years passed away on Monday. Bernie and I ran into him at chemotherapy a couple of times. He was a good guy...and suffered greatly for a long, long time. It was after visiting him in the hospital a couple months after Bernie's death that made me realize that Bernie may have been blessed. Bernie suffered a great deal, but most of his suffering was confined to three months. It could have been so much worse.
I read the thread re: dragonflies and wanted to share a story about a recent "sign." We have a local Chinese buffet that Bernie and I used to visit every once in the while. It has pictures on the wall of customers that they have taken over the years. I mean these snapshots, thousands, maybe tens of thousands cover the wall from about four feet up to about six feet up. Every time Bernie and I went there- we would look to see if there was a picture of someone we knew. And even though this is a small community- and even though there are thousands of photos- we never saw a single photo of anyone we knew.
Last week my sister was going to take my granddaughter out to eat and invited me along. She had already decided they were going to the Super China Buffet. We were seated and almost immediately and without even really looking, I saw a picture of my sister on the wall. (It was almost exactly over her shoulder!) I pointed the picture out to her and we both commented what a strange coincidence that, after years of looking for someone we knew on the wall- there she was! And she didn't even remember them taking the picture. So we were in awe and laughed a little about it and then we started enjoying our meal and our three year old entertainment.
Just before we left, I glanced at the picture again- and - Bernie was in the corner of the picture!!!! I was blown away. I didn't notice him in the picture at first, because the flash of the camera was on my sister. He actually looked like a man sitting at the next table when I looked at it the first time.
My dragonflies are cardinals- always have thought of Bernie when I see them- and believe he sends them to me. I haven't seen many cardinals lately- not like I did after he first passed. In my conversations with Bernie I have been saying things like, "What's up lately? No signs from you- no feeling your presence- have you gone and forgotten all about me already?" I know what you are thinking, the guy is buried and I am STILL nagging him- but he loved my nagging- really!!!
So, on the way home I started thinking about the message behind this "sign." What knowledge can I garner from finding this years old picture on a wall that I searched high and low and never saw a single picture of anyone I knew on- and now I found one- and didn't even notice it was Bernie until after I had looked at it four or five times. Do you think that maybe he was trying to tell me that he is always with me- even if I don't recognize it? I do!!!
I will post photos that I took of the photo as soon as I figure out how!
One final thing- because I am really pushing my luck with the length of this post and not freezing!
Have you ever seen videos of military people being reunited with their families after a long deployment? I was watching one on YouTube the other day and every time I see one of those it brings tears to my eyes. I can almost feel those people's joy and relief at being reunited! While I was watching this last one- it dawned on me- one of these days- that is going to be me and Bernie! Ohmigosh! What a day it will be. I hope and pray that you can feel hugs on the next realm- because the anticipation of that hug keeps a smile on my face!
With Love,
Robyne
I have been visiting daily and reading posts and I've even tried to respond to a few- but always seem to lose my connection before the post is finished.
Tim, Happy Belated Birthday! I know it was a tough one- and I am sorry for that. However, the best thing about life is today can be gloomy and dark and tomorrow can be all sunshine and sweetness. Somehow, I have a feeling that your next birthday is going to be a little better. I think you have received some incredibly good advice regarding dating. Take that advice to heart, then do what you feel is best for you.
Katie- I think you recently had a birthday too- right? Happy Birthday to You! Mine is the 21st. I am lucky in that, just by chance I will probably be working 12 hours on my birthday because one of my co-workers had a vacation and another has to appear in court. I always do better at work- no time to think much about personal stuff. Anyway, I hope your day was as pleasant as possible. Your posts all seem to indicate that you are doing as well as can be expected- and I am glad to hear it.
I wish I had the time (and lack of fear of losing this entire post) to write a personal note to so many of you. So many of you are so inspiring! I think of you all many times- and draw upon your strength and courage to conjure up my own!
Just a few things that have happened in my life in the last week or so... Bernie's elderly cousin passed away a week ago Tuesday. She was the cousin that lived with her brother. I am so worried about him- he has been so stoic. I know his heart is broken and he is probably in shock. I try to call him at least every other day- but I am not sure that he wants that right now. Even though I just recently lost Bernie, it is hard for me to know what to do for his cousin- because he is an entirely different person than I am. Tuesday morning I checked my Facebook account and found that a friend of mine that has been battling cancer for years passed away on Monday. Bernie and I ran into him at chemotherapy a couple of times. He was a good guy...and suffered greatly for a long, long time. It was after visiting him in the hospital a couple months after Bernie's death that made me realize that Bernie may have been blessed. Bernie suffered a great deal, but most of his suffering was confined to three months. It could have been so much worse.
I read the thread re: dragonflies and wanted to share a story about a recent "sign." We have a local Chinese buffet that Bernie and I used to visit every once in the while. It has pictures on the wall of customers that they have taken over the years. I mean these snapshots, thousands, maybe tens of thousands cover the wall from about four feet up to about six feet up. Every time Bernie and I went there- we would look to see if there was a picture of someone we knew. And even though this is a small community- and even though there are thousands of photos- we never saw a single photo of anyone we knew.
Last week my sister was going to take my granddaughter out to eat and invited me along. She had already decided they were going to the Super China Buffet. We were seated and almost immediately and without even really looking, I saw a picture of my sister on the wall. (It was almost exactly over her shoulder!) I pointed the picture out to her and we both commented what a strange coincidence that, after years of looking for someone we knew on the wall- there she was! And she didn't even remember them taking the picture. So we were in awe and laughed a little about it and then we started enjoying our meal and our three year old entertainment.
Just before we left, I glanced at the picture again- and - Bernie was in the corner of the picture!!!! I was blown away. I didn't notice him in the picture at first, because the flash of the camera was on my sister. He actually looked like a man sitting at the next table when I looked at it the first time.
My dragonflies are cardinals- always have thought of Bernie when I see them- and believe he sends them to me. I haven't seen many cardinals lately- not like I did after he first passed. In my conversations with Bernie I have been saying things like, "What's up lately? No signs from you- no feeling your presence- have you gone and forgotten all about me already?" I know what you are thinking, the guy is buried and I am STILL nagging him- but he loved my nagging- really!!!
So, on the way home I started thinking about the message behind this "sign." What knowledge can I garner from finding this years old picture on a wall that I searched high and low and never saw a single picture of anyone I knew on- and now I found one- and didn't even notice it was Bernie until after I had looked at it four or five times. Do you think that maybe he was trying to tell me that he is always with me- even if I don't recognize it? I do!!!
I will post photos that I took of the photo as soon as I figure out how!
One final thing- because I am really pushing my luck with the length of this post and not freezing!
Have you ever seen videos of military people being reunited with their families after a long deployment? I was watching one on YouTube the other day and every time I see one of those it brings tears to my eyes. I can almost feel those people's joy and relief at being reunited! While I was watching this last one- it dawned on me- one of these days- that is going to be me and Bernie! Ohmigosh! What a day it will be. I hope and pray that you can feel hugs on the next realm- because the anticipation of that hug keeps a smile on my face!
With Love,
Robyne
I am glad your still hanging in there. It is strange. Several weeks ago a little small plaque fell off one of Linda's what knots.( Guess that's correct spelling). And It reads Hang in there. It is in the kitchen window. And I look at it every time I wash dishes or something in the kitchen. And when I read your title I thought about that plaque and what it said. Kind of a coincidence. You find these little signs everywhere. But I can feel Linda saying that to me every time I see it, her voice says it in my head, to hang in there.
I needed to read that tonight and to be reminded to hang in there.
Thank you for the happy birthday. And I hope your right about next year. Year one is tough.
Like you I feel like that reunion we will al have is going to be something else.
Take care.
Peace, Tim
I think the " signs " are everywhere but we don't see them
as our minds are on other things at given times. I am
trying to stay open to signs as I really need them if they
are coming my way.
Blessings -
Darrell
Yes, I did just have a birthday! I don't ever remember posting about that...? Must have or you really do have a "gift" lol Thank you for the wishes. I am visiting my parents and have been for a while. It was nice to have the company and my mom baked my favorite cake. Last year, my hubby left for a week long golf trip the morning of my birthday. We never made a big fuss about birthdays but he was feeling guilty about it despite my reassurances that it was OK. They were planning another trip this year at the same time. He said he wasn't going because he did not want to be gone for my birthday again. How we think we know what the future holds! So although he did in fact miss it, I know he really wanted not to :)
Thank you for sharing your story about the picture. I find so many odd coincidences in my life these last few months. I do believe it is our loved ones sending us hugs from beyond.
Sorry for your recent losses. I don't know if I am just more sensitive to noticing but it seems like every day there is a story from someone here or in real life that suffers a loss. I am with you - I thought I would be much more skilled at handling those situations than I am. Although, I think I have a much better handle on what NOT to say. You are right, everybody handles these things differently and needs support in slightly different ways. I imagine that the brother knows you are available when and if he needs and that might be all that you can do for him for now.
A few days early, but Happy Birthday to you. I hope this first goes as well as we can hope for.
Take care,
Kate