Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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scottbeach1962 03/15/2020

Who else here has a over controlling child or step child who just cant stop being a major pain every second of every day . Wendy got the bad news the sunday before Christmasthe next day her oldest daughter came down ,she lives 2 hours away (her choice) she moved up there with her husband abd daughter to have a life with just them, most of the past 9 years she has been all about herself and her little family . If we wanted to see them we had to beg . Back when Wendy's last spouse pasted away she wasnt there for her she was in her own little world ,Wendy's youngest daughter was there for her and held back her wedding plans to help her mother . This is why I found Wendy here she was lonely and needed someone to talk to I found her and we became friends then more . When I was planning on travelling to Australia for a holiday then to move there 3 months later the oldest daughter didnt want me to come here and acted like a brat even through she is a grown woman with a family of her own . The oldest has never liked me and has always looked at me as someone who stepped into her place . Thats part of our history with the oldest daughter and myself . Now here's where I am doing my best for Wendy's sake the oldest daughter has moved into my house with the grand daughter thinking she is the only one who can take care of Wendy . And now since her and her husband are separated she wants all the time with Wendy . Wendy's youngest and I have been pushed on the back burner so she can control everything . I am not the kind of person to put up with her BS and have told her off a few times once she lefy for 4 days . I know the more I say the more I upset Wendy and I dont wish to do that but I cant put up with it all the time . Here is what I think the oldest feels quilty for treating her mother like crap and is trying to make up for what she did in the past . myself when we finally loose Wendy to cancer I will never reach out to her oldest and I will never forgive her for being the way she is right now . Scott

veggiequeen 03/15/2020

I understand your not wanting to upset Wendy and keep the peace, but at what expense? You and her other daughter are being robbed of precious time left because of a controlling (and up until now absent ) daughter. Maybe some of it is guilt, but it is an awful thing how some people think. I cannot help but wonder if she is not there to get her foot in the door to lay claim on what Wendy has (property, or money left) and to try to make sure she gets (and care less about you and her other daughter) Sadly, I have seen this happen as there are some very self serving thoughtless people in this world.

Isn't there a way where you can take her aside and tell her how you feel? Or make the point that you and the other daughter need to share time with her too as it is limited now? My thoughts and prayers are with you all.

Kim

Veronica77 03/15/2020

I totally agree with veggiequeen. She is totally self-serving and is there for what she can get out of It! Can you get her out of the house? Later she will probably tell everyone what she did for her mother, and make you and her sister look like trash. I have seen this come up myself! This is definitely not a good situation. You should be Wendy's main support with her other daughter. You need to get her out of the house! ((Hugs))

Greenteam 03/15/2020

I call mine The wind. 27 year old millennial. Breezes in and out of the house like no one else is in the house. There is a bond between mother and son like I've never seen. They are all each other has had. I met my wife eight years ago. Her son was a resident of the couch in the living room. 20 years old at the time. Immediately I detected arrogance and selfishness. I consider him to be "the BIGGEST asshole" I've ever met. I understand our situations are different and I hope you get some peace and happiness in your life soon. Life's to short.
He's still arrogant and selfish, but he's got a full time job and is working on his Masters degree. I told him 7 years ago if he was going to live here he has to be enrolled and attending school. He doesn't listen to anything else I say, but he has stayed in school. A living situation that has it's challenges. I hope your scenario turns out for the best.

cliffskat 03/15/2020

I agree with the others. Creating that kind of stress in the house will only shorten the time Wendy has left. And I hear what the others are saying about showing up after being absent for many years. My sister-in-law did that when my MIL was dying, and I think she hurried the process - on purpose - and took everything she could get her hands on after being estranged from her mother for 20 years. We got nothing, and neither did our boys who meant the world to my MIL. Then a few years later, did the same thing with their father. That time she managed to get his will rewritten and then tried to steal her brothers' inheritances after getting all the grandchildren dropped from the will (she had no kids). We spent 4 years battling it out in court, and the stress of the betrayal put Cliff on the path of the heart attack that killed him.

There are evil people in the world.

I'd get her out of the house. Just my two cents...

Love and Hugs,
Martha

scottbeach1962 03/16/2020

I understand what everyone is saying and agree to a point .We rent the house we are in everything in the house was bought by Wendy and I when I moved here we wanted to start with new .Even Wendys new car was bought by us .The only money Wendy has is around 100 thousand dollars .I really think she is being this way because she is a controlling person and she feels guilty for being absent all those years she knows her mother will not say anything to her because no matter what she has done Wendy loves her and wouldnt tell her to leave . As for me talking to her she would turn it on me being I have to go to work and she is here with Wendy all day she would make me out to be the bad guy .during the week I get to see Wendy for a few hours before she goes to bed and these hours arent her good ones she is tired and sore by the time I get home from work I get to talk to her for a few minutes before I help her get upstairs and into bed .

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