It's so tough but remember that Gary would want you to go on. The best advice is take it one day or even one hour at a time. I lost my husband over a year ago and just thinking about the present was how I got myself through a lot of difficult things.
My husband and I were married 22 years and I miss him so much every single day but each day I get up and make an effort and I know that he'd be proud of me. It does get better and even though I heard that at the beginning of this journey, I didn't believe it Now I do.
Hope this helps. Hang in there. You will make it through. Hugs, Sharry

Oh honey I know how it feels. It sometimes feels as if you haven't moved forward at all but probably backward. That, unfortunately, is very normal and just about everyone experiences it. I know the sadness you feel, I feel it too. You are loved here. God bless.

I think what you are feeling is very normal at 5 months--you go from numbness and fog to surreality to reality--and it just seems to get harder as the reality sets in. You will feel like you are going backwards, taking two steps forward, then ten steps back. It's like a roller coaster or a yo-yo. Eventually it starts to even out and you will find more happy memories and smiles than you did in the first months. I can't say I don't still have bad days, moments I feel like I've lost ground--but I am making progress and that's a good thing. We're all pulling for you--you will make it through this--and we will all be here to help you. Hugs

I'm so sorry for your hurt. And I KNOW it hurts BAD!

You are coming out of the fog of 'he'll come back" to the realization that OMG he's NOT coming back. No fog, no numbness to help you cope. Just the searing pain of THIS IS IT. IT REALLY HAPPENED. I know my friend, and have been where you are as many of us have.

This is the time to just breathe and keep moving the best you can. And it hurts like hell to move now, but this is the time you have to keep movinig. You think you are stalled, but really just the fog lifting, IS progress. Even though it doesn't seem that way, and man you wish you were back in that fog about now!! I know I did.

After this though, there is a little bit of peace that comes over you here and there, and although you know he's not coming back? You also know he IS with you, and he IS a part of you and all you WILL do from now on. Now, it doesn't seem that that will ever happen i know. But it DOES happen little by very little without you even realizing it until one day you think back and think that you had more non crying painful days than painful ones. that although you still are always thinking of him? You are starting to really smile at the thought of him and all you had together.

Hang on through this part. It's a killer, but you can do this. And you are not stalled my friend, you are just now starting to live. Feeling the pain of it all IS starting to live, crazy as it sounds.Hang on and keep the faith. I have faith in YOU. and even more important, Gary has FAITH IN YOU.

HUGS and hopes for that peace that you WILL find, just a little at a time.

Diane

It is so very hard----and seems endless and hopeless, but it will eventually ease up some. I know that is very hard to believe. It has been nearly 18 months for me and I am better, but I am still hit by sad times. How can I not? Stan has been a part of my life when we met i 1965 as freshman in high school and were good friends until we graduated and began dating. We married before our senior year of college. He is a part of the fabric of my life and I miss him terribly. I remember being at the early part of this hard, lonely walk and would project ahead and just about spin out of control in my mind. I have to pull myself back to one day, sometimes one moment at a time. I am finding that I have good days with bad moments rather than all bad days.
My heart feels your pain and understands. I hope this encourages you to know there is a lessening a head.
Sal

Its OK, going on three years for me and I can just make it about 4 hours before my reality sets in (kind of the same time as abc world news)
I am just now really wanting to live life again, and there seems to be this unwritten timetable that I just could not follow. I can tell you though that it will get less painful, but only your heart can let you know when.. G-

I want to cry for you as I remember being at 5 months. So painful. So lonely. Realization that he will not be coming back. Believe it or not,but what you have been through already is the worst part, I believe. In my 6th month I had my first sense of happiness for a few moments. It was at the beach with my grandson (3). That was my first sign that I would be able to experience joy once again. It's not the same kind of joy as with my husband, but it is joy nonetheless. The battle you are in is not steady uphill. There are days when setbacks make you think you've not made any progress, but that is not the truth. Your timeline is yours alone. There is no set time when this or that should have happened. Just know that you and not alone in the pain you are feeling. We all have been there and experienced where you are now. We want to encourage you and let you know that you can come here for a hug and reassurance every day. Just let us know when you feel like venting. We all have. Best wishes to you, and may you see some sunshine today!

It is difficult. At seven months reality is setting in more and more for me and so I struggle like I have never struggled. It really is a constant uphill battle and I do so much better when I keep my focus trying to be positive and remind myself to give it to the Lord in prayer. Hugs, Gail

This journey is so unpredictable at times. I have worked with a Grief Counselor for 6 months and thought I was doing very well, but when the 6 month mark hit, I went back to day one with pain so intense that I could not understand what was going on. My grief counselor explained to me that this will happen when you begin to face REALITY. The first 6 months you are mostly in disbelief but as time passes your brain knows that you need to deal with REALITY and all the manifestations you had at the beginning will present themselves again as we struggle with the process of moving forward. I've had to start my journal again and have placed more pictures of my husband everywhere I can see them, at the suggestion of my counselor, and it helps a lot to see his pictures and talk to him many times a day. What you are going through it's completely normal and it will get better. I'm feeling a little better than last month and I think it will be much better as time passes. Expressing your pain makes it more bearable. Hang in there, you will get through it! Hugs! Connie

The reality sets in and you know it is real. I am at 13 months, we were together 30 years. What you are going through at this time hurts like naughting else ever did, but you are not alone dear. You will come through.

DEATHS REALITY

THE HEART FEELS;
THE MIND KNOWS IT IS REAL;
THE ACHE DEEP DOWN INSIDE;
RIPPING AWAY THE NUMBNESS, NO PLACE TO HID;

TAKING A STEP, ONE THEN TWO;
LOVE LIVES ETERNAL, TRUE
YOU THINK WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO;
THE TEARS AGAIN START TO FLOW;

THE SADNESS WELLS UP IN YOUR SOUL;
WHERE ONCE THE TWO MADE A WHOLE;
THE LONELINESS SETS IN;
WILL THIS EVER END?

THE ROLLER COASTER RIDE;
ON THE JOURNEY TO SURVIVE
DEATHS EMPTINESS;
YOU AWAKE ANOTHER DAY IN LONELINESS.

My heart goes out to you dear. At 13 months I am starting to get a grip of things and am actually feeling better, even though it is lonely. Something that has helped me just recently, is I put Home's(what i call my husband) last picture of him that I took before we went to the our last car show on my desk top. I have his pictures and pictures of us together in every room except the
bathroom. Since I put his picture on the desk top, I seem to have more peace in my heart, it does not seem to hurt as much. I feel comforted by his picture. On the desk top it is real big. I know you will come through this, even though you think you will not, like the rest of us thought at that time. I write poetry, it is how i can best express my feelings in words, that is what it felt like for me. Just know you are not alone. I was where you are, I actually stopped taking my medicines, I wanted to be with him so bad. The people here helped me through that. I like you do not post very much either and read also. God Bless You With His Strength And Peace.

Hugs,
recentwidow