Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Springtime blues

D.Jay
D.Jay

Today I noticed the first two crocus in the lawn and several tulips that  peaked up through the mulch. Jennifer and I planted so much together and I have planted so many things for her that this time of rebirth is more painful then I realized it would be. My intellectual mind knows that Jennifer wants me to live and be happy. I went for a short walk after work and saw couples working in their lawns together and walking together that I started sobbing so hard I had to just come home and and now I plan to write in my journal while sitting on the back patio with a cup of coffee. It has been over 4 months and I feel that the intensity of my pain is often worse then it has been. My memories of her positive attitude and her strength are what are helping to keep me alive. I never want to let her down and I know she is with me through this awful Journey. She stayed so positive that we had plane tickets to fly to the City of Hope in Los Angeles 2 days after she died in my arms

bayoured
bayoured
DJay my loss is new like yours. It has been 4 months for me also. There is no explaining the way the waves of sadness hit us. Some are like a tidal wave . We are riding these waves together. It is exhausting at times but then there will be days that the waves are not so bad. In time we will see the wave coming before it hits. We wont be so blind sided by them as in the beginning . Hold on to your life jacket (your beloved wife and her attitude). Reach out for us as well . We wont let you go under. Together we can help each other through this journey. Hugs to you!
Rick51
Rick51
I never wanted to see Spring without my wife, and yet here it is. It was our favorite time, and I am trying to accept the beauty and the pain of this Spring.
nell79
nell79
I’ve seen you post that before Met that the 4 month mark was the lowest and I believe you are right.. I’m at 4 months as well DJay and it has really been bad. Today I stayed in bed all day-wasted a beautiful day. I did get up and go to Mass at 5pm, it was for Charlie (I didn’t know that til I got there). Ugh! and to think I almost missed it laying in bed feeling sorry for myself. I just don’t function like the old me any more.
ARcrzr
ARcrzr
I am at 2 years, I relish the spring. The winter is a very hard time for me, there are too many dark days alone, working at home is very isolating, I made a hard decision to retire in July. Spring makes me feel the hope of a better day as the trees are flowering, grass is coming green,days are longer. I wish I could tell you at 2 years, I am done with the grief. I no longer cry everyday, just when something hits me. I miss him so, but am trying to live up to his expectations for me.
D.Jay
D.Jay
I appreciate the comments. It is helpful knowing that other people are getting through this day by day. Yesterday was a little better than the day before. It is helpful that I work full-time during the day so I just have my evenings and weekends that I am home alone.