Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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annier1071 02/12/2012

This is a question I need help with so badly right now. It is tearing at my heart right next to my grief and adding such pain to my life.

Did anyone here have to file a spousal "right of election" in court because there spouse left an old will and there name was not included in it? It is so hard to consider doing this since his adult sons were named executors and feel that I am trying to take what should be all theirs. I have a very limited time to file now for 1/3 of Joes estate.RIght now I cannot survive at all on my SSD. There is no food money and only a very huge mortage payment to make each month. I dont know what else to do. This legal right has been told to me by everyone and my lawyer and daughters tell me to file. The boys will in no way be broke and will do nicely. I dont want what is theirs, I just want to be able to put the heat above 60 these days since I am cold to the bones and it makes me sicker.

Thanks for your help with this financial question. And I am sorry to bring it up but I am so desperate for answers. Ann

Lininsocal 02/12/2012

You need to do what you need to do to protect you. If there is a limited time to file do so and sort it out later. It is difficult enough to handle the death, grief and the loss of what you counted on as your future. It is unfortunate that these things always bring out the worst in people. It is a reminder to all that you just never know what can happen to you so your affairs should be in order and updated. I had the same issue with a small death benefit that we thought the beneficiary had been changed on, it was the ont T not ctossed or I not dotted. It wasn't worth a family fight but it still remains on my mind as it was supposed to be part of the funds used for the burial. It instead went to his kids one of which drank and gambled it away.
Oh well....sorry to go there ....My best wishes for you that this turns out well.

annier1071 02/12/2012

I dont want a fight with the family either..although they are not talking to me at all any longer, they live with hi ex wife who ha s threatened me in every way possible and I am afraid to live here alone now.

I never expected this from his sons, althought Joe warned me that they would be this way if anything ever happened to him..I just didnt believe it. They even want the little money I have in my own checking account because I had their fathers name put on it incase he needed to take money from it.

It is so hard and I am glad that "you went there". I feel like everyone has only their grief to deal with and I am strange for having this mess on top of everything else. Thank you for sharing that with me..Much love Ann

deleted_user 02/12/2012

I did not have to go this route but from what you are saying I would go ahead and file now for your 1/3. Joe would have wanted you to be looked after.
As Linda pointed out it is a wake up call for many to ensure their affairs are in order and updated, as I am sure there are many out there that this is not done.
Wish you all the best.........................hugs

deleted_user 02/12/2012

Ann, I think Lininsocal is right. You need to file and claim the guarenteed widows part of the estate. Are you sure your state guarantees 1/3? Some states require more, but 1/3 it the botton line. These things might take a long time so the sooner the better. Don't worry about the boys as they are surely not worrying about you. You need an attorney fighting for you and you might be able to get one on contingency. Look up 'Social Services' in the telephone directory, and you will probably find a list of Lawyers that donate their services free. I hope you get releife soon. Who knows? Maybe husbands family would be willing to buy your part of the estate.

deleted_user 02/12/2012

Ann,
I know you do not want to fight with his family but you do need to survive. You have given your problems and to God and He is there with you to go all the way. He knows you can barely make it now.
Your His Godly child and He will not let you go without.
I agree with everyone else Ann, you need to file and quickly.
Hugs,
Judy

kelleysgirl 02/13/2012

No one wants to fight, especially with other family members, and especially at a time like this; however, I totally agree with what others here have advised you. I believe your husband would have wanted you to be taken care of. So file whatever you need to, as soon as possible; and sort the rest out later. Blessings. sharon

deleted_user 02/13/2012

Anne, I agree wholeheartedly with Linda. You have to survive, and Joe himself, warned this may happen. You have his blessing in that alone.

I am just so sorry you have to go through this along with the pain you feel over losing him. It should never be this way, and sadly it just IS.

File my friend, and let the lawyers hash it out so you can get back to grieving, and feeling better. I am so sorry. so very sorry family would act this way.

HUGS and MUCH LUCK to have YOURSELF taken care of as well as some PEACE for you. You deserve it! Diane

deleted_user 02/13/2012

If I were you, I would try to get what's yours. FYI I do not know what state you are in, but I would find the community action agency that is administering the fuel assistance program for your area and apply for aid. I am a board member of ours in Ma and depending on income and type of fuel you could qualify for over $500.00 per winter. Also most like ours offer burner cleaning and replacement if needed for no cost depending on amount of grant money. The same group like ours also weatherizes houses. Best of luck and am sorry you are in such painful straits.

deleted_user 02/13/2012

I agree with the others, you need to file immediately. I am sorry that his children are acting this way. Don't feel bad for asking about financial issues here, it is part of what many of us are dealing with along with the grief. I have a commercial building that is upside down on the mortgage and my husband did not have life insurance. In the end, I may have to declare bankruptcy, but we all have to do what we have to do to survive. I believe that your husband would want you to file "your right of election".

Hugs, Diane

gone2soon 02/13/2012

Annie, you need to do what you need to do for your own survival. Obviously no one wants a family feud but it almost sounds like they have decided to take the selfish route anyway and are ignoring your needs. As you say, you are not taking away from their livlihood, but not having it takes away from yours. Your husband knew this would come up it seems, so I don't believe he would be upset knowing that you are fighting for what is rightfully yours. Praying and wishing the best for you. Hugs, Anne

LucyGoo 02/13/2012

You need to do what you have to do to protect yourself. This isn't a fight with his family, this is a fight to save yourself.

You might also want to contact Social Security -- they will calculate whether your benefit on SSD should be supplemented with widows benefits.

For many years I worked in Life Insurance and you would be shocked at how many people don't update their beneficiary designations to reflect changes in their lives. It leaves a lot of broken hearts and empty pockets.

deleted_user 02/13/2012

Hi Annie,

I would follow the suggestions of everyone here and the advice of your attorney - file. It is really important that you do what you need to in the midst of this tragedy, and I know it is really hard to make big decisions when you are in such pain. I am sorry.

Keeping you in prayers,

Shar

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