Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Treacle 05/05/2017

Is anyone else like me? Just having coffee in cafes and overspending to keep my mind busy Also wanting to be alone in my grief now - its been 3 years now since i lost my hubby I prefer to be lost in my thoughts - thinking about my hubby without any interruptions Its like I can totally concentrate my mind and be calm The effort of trying to think of what to say to others is just too much. I can't bear being in crowded places.

AfterMom 05/05/2017

so much about grief is triggered by social situations and interacting with others. You sound like most of us.

Missmyanne 05/05/2017

I get the wanting to be alone in your grief. You are almost 2 years down this rocky road we are all on ahead of me. However we do have the rest of our lives to live. How are we going to live those years?
How would our past spouses want us to live those years? As we all know maybe we don't have years but days or hours or minutes. Take life one moment at a time. The only thing we are promised is the last moment we have just lived.

luckydaughter 05/06/2017

I get the wanting to be alone part. I live in a community that has a lot of events, like dances and parties. I really don't want to go...........my husband and I were pretty much homebodies when he was alive. I work outside the home and I have a few friends that I enjoy going out to lunch with. Other than that, I prefer to stay home alone, whether it be reading, watching TV, crocheting or being on the computer. People tell me I need to get out more. They mean well, I am sure, but they are wrong. They don't know what I need.

Sylvia

Veronica77 05/06/2017

I feel the same way. I was at three years 02/11/17 and feel like I want to be left alone. Someone on Facebook said we should meet for lunch and I replied "that would be nice" and could not conjure up any more enthusiasm. Feels like too much effort to try to relate to someone and make conversation. ((Hugs))

cliffskat 05/06/2017

It sounds like depression. At 3 years, you could reasonably expect to have more enthusiasm for life. It might be worthwhile talking with your doctor or counselor if you have one. You may be at a point where medication would be worth trying. Sometimes a short course of medication can help break the cycle of depression and anxiety and help you get going again. If you are avoiding contact with other people on a regular, persistent basis, it probably has gone beyond grief and morphed into depression.

We all need our alone time to grieve and reflect, and times when we need to shut out the rest of the world because it can be simply exhausting to deal all the time with people who don't understand our lives. It is like living in a foreign country where no one understands your language and customs. It takes its toll. However, there is a fine line between grieving and depression.

It might also be a good idea to have a regular check-up and blood work-up just to be sure there are no physical reasons for your malaise. Sometimes low thyroid can mimic depression and cause lethargy, and it's more common as you get older. Just a thought.

I hope you feel better soon.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

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