Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Special Days

matthewsmom10
matthewsmom10
Today is our anniversary, we have been married 14 years and together 19. I had taken my engagement ring in to the jewlers because one of the prongs had bent. I have only been wearing my band and had really missed it. It was supposed to be ready tomorrow but they called this afternoon and it was ready. Matthew said it was Daddys "hand in it", maybe I told him, so we went and picked it up and went out for ice cream. Matthew and Brian loved going out for ice cream!! So today I just keep thinking why...why did this happen to us, he was an amazing husband and father and a wonderful friend to all...Sometimes it still seems like maybe just maybe I could wake up from this nightmare. Don't get me wrong I love my son to pieces and am so thankful I have him...he is the reason I get up, and I try so hard to fill his life with wonderful memories and happy times. I just wish things were different for us....I know that I am not unique in the way I feel we all feel this way. We always made a big deal of our "special day"...if it was during the week Brian always took off...we would spend the whole day together...We had so many plans, so many dreams, and now I just have memories....memories of the happiest days of my life, and I am very thankful for those... I just wanted more....Hugs, Lauri
deleted_user
deleted_user
Know exactly what you mean about wanting more. I want MORE! I hate saying Happy Anniversary, but I hope that day of ful of those wonderful memories you spoke of.
Haven't finished my year of firsts yet and will be gad when they are done and gon. But then I as myself if the 2nd year will be any better.

Hugs, Valerie
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I sure relate with appreciating your husband but wanting more. I felt the same way and still do. Sharon
sailingblue
sailingblue
You hit the nail on the head! I had the rare blessing of being married to my one and only best friend. In our 22 years we never ran out of things to share and had fewer arguments than you could count on one hand.

The day my husband passed away, I told my family I felt so selfish; like a child that had a perfect day at the fair, yet could only cry for one more time on the Ferris wheel.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Lauri, Thinking of you as you go through your anniversary. I hope many happy memories help you through the day.......I think Matthew was right about the ring being ready today.........
So many plans and so little time....no matter how much time we had with them it would never be enough........Know that Brian is very PROUD of you and Matthew and know of the struggles that life has dealt us..............hugs
Joely
Joely
Memories are good ~~ they are what we have now, for sure. Becoming nostalgic just before and during those special days is something that we all do.

I completely understand about having "so many plans, so many dreams". We did too. Now, those dreams are gone with my husband.

Having the memories and pictures helps, but, like you.....I also wanted more time with him.

My anniversary was July 19th, so, I have just been down "memory lane".

Hugs, Joely
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can relate to the plans, hopes, dreams that are gone with him. I went through that too...for a long time.Felt soo cheated out of what we were supposed to have. I was angry that it was taken...sooo soon, even though grateful that it was...at all.

when I get really down, i remember a quote from Lincoln.

"Life is not measured by the number of years lived. It is measured by the life LIVED in those years.

And you gave him LIFE in the love you have for him and especially in the little man...the LIFE that will go on to keep his legacy going. He had ALOT of LIFE in the years he had here. i know sometimes it's little consolation when we miss them so much, but you can always have that you gave him LIFE in the years he had here, and are continuing to give him LIFE through your son.

I hope you can celebrate your anniversary bittersweet as it is, knowing that YOU agve HIM LIFE. and still ARE.

Do something for you if you can. If he were here, he would do it for you.. HUGS and MUCH LOVE on thjis very special day.

Diane
JoGeo
JoGeo
I feel the way you do, George and I had 36 wonderful years but I don't think 100 or even 1000 would have been enough. How are you supposed to make sense of it when you thought there were still many more years to go? I am glad you got your ring back and I think your little one was right that your husband had a hand in that! Hugs, Jo
NewRoadsForMe
NewRoadsForMe
The pain will always be there in some degree. My Joe and I were also married 14 years. After a longer marriage previously, with alcohol abuse running the marriage, I was single 9 yrs before meeting the man who was perfect for me. 14 years is a long time in some respects, a short time in others. It was the happiest 14 years of my life. It sounds like yours was also the best time of your life.

Matthew is blessed to have a mom like you, always thinking of how you can help him with his memories and grief. The ice cream deal sounds fun! What a nice way to remember the fun times! Happy Anniversary to you! This day will always be special for you!
matthewsmom10
matthewsmom10
Thank you all for your kind words...it helps having friends that understand what you feel. I didnt even want to mention the day to even my closest friends...so thanks for being here...hugs, Lauri
edithbathgate
edithbathgate
Today is my anniversary. It would have been our 21st, had he lived beyond Dec. 16 2012. I have forced myself to get up and go to water aerobics and then to go to a local fair to check out what the other weavers are doing. I also like to see the 4H kids and animals. Now I am home to a very quiet house. I had one cryiong jag in the car. My Goodness, we have so many beautiful memories, from dancing in our room to records on an old Victrola, to kayaking the Otago Bay in New Zealand and watching albatrosses whirl overhead. We faced down a very ugly church scene, alcohol and drug abuse, cancer and the deaths of boith of our mothers. Our lives together were so rich; both in pain and in joy. He closed every conversation and letter and card (I have them all!) with the word "Always." I am still counting on that. I am doing the best I can by our
kids, grandkids, his father and my sister. There is a Sacred Harp song that says, "We'll camp a while in the wildreness, and then we're going home." He was and is my home.
Nicker07
Nicker07
When we first say "I do" we usually pick a mate that is a reflection of what you think of yourself. And what your plans will be with that mate. Plans change as we grow - or change ourselves - but the plans are "OURS" together and our lessons we learn during our lives together Sometimes growing together is not easy but every day we grow as one. And we knew what we wanted from that life.
I wanted more of that - now I have to grow differently I think my life will be better in 3 years I just want it now, and I can not have it all at once. I know in order to change my life now I have to change my mind - I hope I know the difference between hope and a plan. While my journey is not very straight now (esp. with 2 kahluas), I learn from each failure it was easier with a partner. All of wanting more came from what I had - just a reflection of wanting more...