Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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sometimes i just feel sorry

davephil
davephil
I am a little over 11 months without my wife. Our daughter's birthday is today. She is 11. It's been a hard year. I've learned a lot of things about my kids and myself. As we make plans for the summer, our second without Mommy, I feel like my kids are doing ok. They are all doing very well in school. They all play sports. They all have friends are are constantly doing something. I guess I am blessed that they are doing well. However, on days like this I just feel very sad that their mom is gone and can't celebrate another milestone with them. I imagine this is always going to be the case, with all of the future birthdays and holidays and milestones. One of the things I have learned here is that you don't get over losing your spouse/ mom/ dad, you just learn how to live with it.
dvelasco69
dvelasco69
Dave, I feel your pain. My girls are 16, 13 & 11. They are all doing well in school, very involved with sports and friends. I have a great family and support network. I am only 5 months out and I still can't believe he is really gone. I think of all the milestones with the kids breaks my heart more than the kids. I try not to think about HS graduation, college graduation. No daddy daughter dance at their weddings. The grandchildren he will never meet. However, I don't think my girls think about those things as much. They are still kids and in their own world. Guess it's true the saying kids are resilient. Good luck. Sounds like you are being a really great dad is your kids are doing well.
deleted_user
deleted_user
For each of us it is different......but so much alike!

I know you said that we learn to "live with the pain" of losing our loved ones......I'm not so sure that it's a learned thing rather than a lived thing. As we live we experience so much.....the longer we live the more we experience.

I have a friend who says he will NEVER marry and have children because he couldn't stand the pain of ever losing them!!!!

Ahhhh!!!! To never love is to NEVER live!!!

Roz
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
In the textbooks they call it acceptance. It's not my favorite term, but I guess it fits. In the beginning I wanted so bad to wake up from the nightmare I was living. I felt I was dying too, a slow and painful death. Then, eventually, I knew that I had to begin living with the fact my life changed, not ended. I had to begin with what I had, discover who I was, and begin creating a new life for me. Sharon
dschwartz
dschwartz
My heart goes out to you and your young children still at home. I quite frankly don't know how to address this, other than to say and imagine you are blessed with "family" and those in your life that help you keep moving along. It must be so difficult at the same time, I'm sorry for this. What a conundrum. I can only send you heartfelt prayers and kudos for keeping your family in tact. Again, can't imagine your heartache . . but know you can and will survive this. Hugs, Dayna
wendimac
wendimac
I'm feeling sorry all the time...sorry that my husband got sick, sorry he was robbed of another potential 20 years of life, sorry that my son and I have to carry on without him. Sorry and sad...very, very sad...
BandiBlue
BandiBlue
God bless you, Dave. As a former teacher, I can tell you that the fact that your children are doing well is a great reflection on you as a parent. Just keep those doors of communication open so that they know they can always come to you if they need to verbalize their feelings. I'm sure the past 11 months have been difficult for you, but I hope the birthday went well. Keep on doing what you're doing!

Wishing you peace . . .
mclizm
mclizm
My step daughters are in their early 20's but I understand your sadness. The youngest just graduated college and it was so bittersweet for all of us. Her older sister recently went to a friends wedding and had to go hide in the bathroom for the daddy/daughter dance as it was just too much for her. We don't just mourn the past, we also mourn the future that's gone too. I'm sure while thie pain will never go completely go away time will make these milestones a little easier to handle.

Hugs, Liz.
davephil
davephil
Thanks guys. I appreciate everybody's responses and the sharing of your stories. It's always good to know we are not alone in feeling these things. Thanks, Dave
matoacalady
matoacalady
Dave, you are doing a great job and keep them in sports....best thing ever for most kids! I was married to a teacher and a coach for almost 40 years. I have seen sports bring kids thru very rough patches in their lives.
Our oldest son coaches a youth league soccer team, his daughter also plays for him.....he won all of his games this season.....his Dad would have been so proud of him, but........I have to believe he looks down and did see it all.

Jen