I'm at 8 months of losing my wonderful husband to brain cancer. Instead of it getting better, it's worse. At first I tried to keep busy...went out with friends and family, took classes, joined a women's group and a hospice group. These things are fading now, as they couldn't come close to filling the lonely void i felt. Winter gloom has been the pits. I'm so lonely and have such a feeling of pointlessness of my life. I have no children only step sons and family that we were never very close with. There's contact, but more dutiful than caring. I am close with my brother and SIL but they have a full life and are an hour away. I have one close friend here, but she's the one to get me out doing things, but not one I can be bluesy with and talk to about my feelings. And one close friend that I CAN talk to and do everyday , but she is several,states away. So in a way, I'm quite alone. My husband and I spent all of our time together and he was my soulmate and very best friend. I am just lost without him. I am getting so tired of fighting to do things, stay busy and all, but if I don't, I can fall into depression but even more, into anxiety. I can't stand to be alone even for a day. The anxiety will build and build. I'm 67 and feel so anxious about a future of 10 to 15 years with nothing but these terrible feelings of loneliness and anxiety. I'm so tired of it! I wake up to it everyday. I just don't know how I can keep going and for what? Why can't we all live into at least our late 70's or 80's with our spouses like most people will do?why does it have to be like this? I'm so tired of it! How do all of you cope?
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