Hi,

I'm not new here, but I havent posted in a while. I lost my husband a year ago in October. 

I was doing ok. I got through the first anniversary, and almost started feeling like maybe I could live again.

Then, at the end of October, I lost my beloved son in law in a tragic accident. He and I were very close. He was a son to me. A friend, a helper, a buddy, a confidant. He was such a great help after my husband died. And even before that. 

So my heart has been torn from my chest, again, and I'm back to the days of early grief.

It actually physically hurts my chest/heart when I think of him. And he seldom leaves my mind.

And my poor daughter, is a widow at 30. For her to go through this is just so wrong. The heartbreak is too much.

It just should not be. But it is.

And it's unbelievable. 

It's only been 2 months. And already I can see people looking and acting like I should be doing better. Like it's for them to decide.

I just don't have it in me yet. I've had the life knocked out of me...it just should not be. He should be here.

I'd have given my life for him if I could.

Thanks for reading this.