Im so sorry for you loss, You are early in your grief journey. Im glad you found DS. Its been a great place for me and I haven't been here long but I have found alot of caring people. I lost my husband 9 months ago very unexpectedly and suidden. I understand your feelings. For me the pain has worsened but I do know that for some here the pain eases. This is such a roller coaster of emotion and hurt. Im sorry that you have to go through this. The only advice I can give is take care of yourself, Do what you feel not what others tell you or think should be. Its up to you and everyone's grief is different

I am so sorry that you are suffering. I understand completely. My darling husband Roy passed away in October, 2014 very very suddenly. We were extremely lucky and blessed to have found each other and losing him has been the most devastating thing that ever happened to me.
I have taken small steps to get through it, and they have helped. First, I went to grief counseling offered by Samaritan Hospice. I met two other grieving widows, and our counselor was really good. Next, they offered a "Yoga through loss" grief counseling session which was very good and again, I met two other grieving widows and the yoga instructor/grief counselor was wonderful.

These classes made me feel not so alone, and also gave me a chance to know that I'm OK, and normal, for feeling all the things I'm feeling. Once the classes were over, I looked for a more informal grief group to join, such as on Meetup, but didn't see one. So about three months ago I started a meetup group and there is an incredible need for this because we have something like 65 members, all grieving their spouses, fiancs, or significant others. We just meet for small informal dinners and everyone in attendance has some wisdom and some experience to offer in getting through the grief process. It's like meeting old friends that you never met before.

Try to talk to people who "get it." That will help you the most. Take care of yourself.

The loss of your fianc and the loss of all the tomorrow's you have planned is very hard. We do feel without hope and lost. I felt as you describe when my husband died from lung cancer. We had so much plans too. In time you will find plans again, but for now it's most important to just get through the day and let the tears flow as they will.
You will find smiles will return and surprisingly the things that make you sad will become the most treasured memories. I lost my husband 8 years ago and I think of him daily. I cherish everything about our life together. I have rebuilt my life on the foundation we formed together. Sharon

I would like to say there are some good books out there on grief and loss of a loved ones. Some are really good and give you some understanding which also helps through this process.

When it happens suddenly its first such a shock.....I had no idea my husband was leaving for the last time....Your pain is so normal so do not beat yourself up. I wish you peace in your own time

I'm so sorry for your loss..

Hi Kelley. I will try to give you my reflections upon your loss. I can't imagine losing a life together that never happened. That is beyond me. I do know that when my wife Juanita were engaged 30+ years ago, we had no idea what our life together held in store for us - both good and bad. For all the sadness, grief, emptiness and sadness I am now experiencing, I would gladly go through my loss again and again (think Groundhog Day) to not miss the years we had together. It was that special. But we never know what lies ahead, and sadly, I see way too many empty, loveless marriages. They seldom start out that way. We can cherish only what we had, not our dreams and our plans. Each and every moment of the short time you were given together is a blessing to always remember and cherish. A short time of true love is better than a life of unhappiness. If your love wasn't so special, you wouldn't be hurting like you are. Don't try to figure out the "whys" - there will never be answers. God does have a way of working things out for all us, and His solutions are always far better than anything we can ever come up with. So cherish what you had together -- true love is the rarest of commodities. And try to live each day as it comes - your tomorrows will take care of themselves. Our hearts are with you. Scott

Dear Kelly, at one month I was experiencing most excruciating pain. I am at 6 months next week and I am feeling peaceful. So yes, you will feel better someday and it will happen. How soon? Everyone is different. You asked how your soul survive this? Again everyone is different. I largely search inside to find strength. To me, to grieve is to discover myself---to discover something I didn't know that I have before, and to see something I didn't see before. To grieve is also to grow---you lost someone so dear there is no replacement, but you can grow yourself so one day you feel complete again. The good news is that everyone DOES find their own way....you will too.... one day at a time....Hugs from Hong Kong, Tiger

Hello Kelly, I am so sorry for your loss, and I know nothing in this world, nothing anyone can say will ease your pain right now. I lost my husband in January, I think everyone on here knows exactly how your feeling right now, I know that sensation too, can't look back, can't look forward, can't focus on today, but I can tell you little by little you will make a step forward, maybe you will take a few steps back but when the time is right for you you will gradually turn your face to the sun once more. Remember to be kind to yourself, allow yourself to grieve in your own very personal way, there are many lovely people on here who will share your pain with you, you will never be alone.

Hi, Kelly . . .

I cannot offer anything more than what has already been said here. Please come here often, even if it's just to read a post or two.

Wishing you peace . . .

I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you for peace and healing. Hugs, D

Dearest Kelly,
I feel your sadness with you. We go through so many losses ,on this painful journey, and the hope of all your future dreams with your beloved, have now gone.......
After a year of losing my husband, Ben, I still have many moments of
Missing his presence, and cherish the memories of our time together.
Every True Love is a Gift....hold on to that...Kelly....in time you will
Treasure the memories of your beloved....
Love, peace and hope,......Sandra

I am so very sorry for your loss. I know this is a difficult journey we are on, one that we did not want. I can sympathize with your feelings. I lost my husband just under 9 months ago. Every day is a struggle. I smile on the outside while crying on the inside. Although I am not alone, the loneliness I feel from losing my soul mate is unbearable on the best of days. All we can do is take it one day at a time. I am still navigating this journey to try to be happy again. I know it will happen someday. I am not there yet, but I refuse to let it get the better of me. Hang in there, it just has to get easier in time.

I am sorry for your loss. Yes this is painful, and you will feel this way for a while. Don't rush it. You have to go through this grief process, it is a part of the healing. I promise, some day, but not today , you will feel better. I promise. I do, its been 2 1/2 years after being together 50 years, I am better...Sandee