Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
After my husband died suddenly, with a complicated, uncompleted will, I called his divorce attorney and they said they could probate the will. I figured they could since they are Family Law attorneys, and isn't Probate "family" stuff?
Well, apparently not.
He was farting around, and spinning wheels, so the stepdaughters got impatient, and hired their own Estate attorney, who is challenging the will. but what he's doing has no merit but to ring up legal fees.
I was advised get "my" own Estate attorney, as the first attorney apparently worked for the executors, not me. So I have to pay another attorney.
I also hired a consultant attorney, who has nothing to gain (he is also in a different state), so I can just ask him candid questions about what's going on.
Now I just found out Marc's BROTHER is hiring HIS own attorney. Supposedly he wants to look out for his nieces, but he saw the nieces maybe 3 times in the 14 years I was married to his brother, and he's never been friendly with me. He disparaged his brother and was rude and angry at the funeral.
This is crazy--I've spent $18,000 on lawyer fees and we haven't even had a hearing yet! Even that date may be delayed by the opposing lawyers. Talk about an expensive limbo...
Well, apparently not.
He was farting around, and spinning wheels, so the stepdaughters got impatient, and hired their own Estate attorney, who is challenging the will. but what he's doing has no merit but to ring up legal fees.
I was advised get "my" own Estate attorney, as the first attorney apparently worked for the executors, not me. So I have to pay another attorney.
I also hired a consultant attorney, who has nothing to gain (he is also in a different state), so I can just ask him candid questions about what's going on.
Now I just found out Marc's BROTHER is hiring HIS own attorney. Supposedly he wants to look out for his nieces, but he saw the nieces maybe 3 times in the 14 years I was married to his brother, and he's never been friendly with me. He disparaged his brother and was rude and angry at the funeral.
This is crazy--I've spent $18,000 on lawyer fees and we haven't even had a hearing yet! Even that date may be delayed by the opposing lawyers. Talk about an expensive limbo...
KK . . you are preaching to the choir here as I've been in the throes of Probate for almost 15 months. It's a very long and arduous process. You will need to put your Big Girl Panties on and as a dear friend recently told me "Gird Your Loins".
Probate is absolute B.S. and Ruthann is quite right . . the attorneys are getting wealthy and the Estate dwindles. I'm hopefully nearing the end of my process as I will not push further if it's not resolved in the next Hearing (Wednesday). This battle has left me spiritually, financially and emotionally bankrupt. It's not worth fighting for any longer as it is robbing me of my most precious commodity and that is "life". I literally feel the blood being sucked out of me every day this nightmare continues.
At the end of the day, the only people that benefit are the attorneys. Period. And they can be evil bastards . . they will try to demonize you, make you out to be the bad one, the unworthy one, the wench, the whatever they can dream up. Doesn't matter that you are the "wife", there is zero respect from the opposing counsel. It's a horrid process and on top of grief it becomes immobilizing.
Sorry to share my negative experience, just trying to give you a clue as to how to prepare yourself emotionally for this battle (if that's possible). This is just the beginning for you girlfriend, and don't expect this ride to be smooth or over very quickly. The Probate Courts are the slowest moving I've ever experienced . . . and the experts tell me that SC moves pretty quickly compared to other states. Again, I'm 15 months into this. If I chose to continue fighting after this next Hearing, I could be in it for another year or so.
Alas, we didn't ask for this hell either . . but here it is. You have to fight for what is yours, not saying that you shouldn't. I have no regrets as I was fighting for principal in the beginning. I now realize that the principal doesn't so much matter to me in the long term scheme of things. I'll take my 1/3 share that the State automatically gives the "Omitted Spouse" and run for the hills, if that's the way the gavel comes down.
Lord, I wish you all the strength and fortitude to see you through this. Be strong and be patient! I'll be thinking of you, and please keep me posted on your progress. Meanwhile, I'll journal the outcome of mine after this Wednesday's Hearing.
Big hugs, D
However, spouses have special rights in all states, and spouses typically cannot be disinherited by a Will. So I'm concerned that you have a consultant attorney in another state, because state laws vary and you want an expert familiar with your state's probate and intestacy laws.
Last bit of general advice: Many items of property, including real estate, bank accounts, retirement accounts, and insurance policies, pass "outside" of the estate. This means the Will and any state intestacy laws are irrelevant -- and those items of property go to whomever is the beneficiary, joint account holder, deed holder, etc.
So while you may have already done this, if I were you I'd make a list of all the property that is NOT the subject of these many disputes, and clarify who owns that property. That way, at least you know the amount of other property you're fighting about, and you can determine what money you'd like to spend in protecting those assets that ARE "inside" the estate.
Good luck to you. I'm sorry that the process has been so upsetting and confusing.
If the previous spouse was named in the previous Will, there is a good chance that the Divorce decree (or final order of dissolution - called different things in different states), may specify that under the Divorce she doesn't inherit anything. That, at least, is something the divorce lawyer should be able to tell you. He or she shouldn't be totally useless....
I am concerned you are being ripped off and taken advantage of. $18K and not even a hearing yet doesn't sound right to me, even in SoCal. You should know, too, that if you are going through California law, California is a "community property" state, and you shouldn't have that much hassle as the spouse.
My guess is that they are all thinking there's a stack of cash involved because he died in an accident. Some accidental death policies are quite large. (Cliff had a huge one, but died of natural causes so me and the kids didn't get a penny from that.) If you feel that you are being ripped off by the lawyers involved, the bar association may be able to help you as well as help you find another probate lawyer. Just a thought.
I am sorry you are going through this. My husband and I went through probate hell with his sister, who tried to steal everyone's inheritance when his father died, despite the will and trust papers being in order and stating otherwise. It was in CA, and it took 4 years and a huge chunk of money for 3 separate law firms to get it resolved. I hope and pray you don't get stuck with that kind of scenario. We did win in the end, but it changed the whole family forever. We wound up disowning his sister, so in essence he lost not only his Dad but his sister, too.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
So far no challenges from the stepdaughters or brother in law. Maybe they don't want to pay to go to Houston? They tried to persuade my lawyer and executor to have it in Dallas, since Marc and I did live there 14 years and it is where he was killed, but we don't want to make it easy on them. I hope they're realizing they don't really have a leg to stand on...
I live in CA now, but claiming Texas residency for a year or so for tax purposes...I'll go back and forth.
Cottage, you're right about not needing my CA "consultant" lawyer. Sometimes I just get so anxious or riled up or confused, I shoot him off an email asking for clarification from someone "who does not have a dog in the fight." He is my uncle's CA probate attorney. But at $550/hour it's a stupid luxury.
Thanks so much for caring.
Fireworks popping all over. Sad that my husband is not here-- he had plans for a big party to celebrate the 4th.
I don't know why they'd be jumping the gun. Wouldn't most people wait to see what happens, and THEN sue if they didn't like the outcome?? Sheesh- Dumb Dumb Dumb.
Maggie
But the one who is taking money from my 25 year stepdaughters, and leading them to believe they have a case (and adding anxiety to my life) is opening my eyes. Also the first lawyer I hired who took my $10K then said he wasn't representing me, and then forwarded the wrong, older will to the probate judge against my wishes.
I didn't know that some lawyers just make up and prolong legal fights because they can...
Unfortunately I'm getting some education here...