Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Proudokie 02/20/2017

I finally found the love of my life in 1994. I could not have ever imagined that life could be so happy, peaceful, fun, caring, giving, loving. This man sang to me every day. He would make up songs about things we had done. They were so silly but I loved them all. I miss this more than I would have ever known. He was so funny. I miss that to. The fun is gone. The house is silent. No more him. We never had one arguement, disagreement or fight. It was love. Pure love. He used to say to me all the time- I wish you could see you through my eyes. No matter how sick he was he always had a huge beatiful smile for me. I was diagnosed with Oral Cancer and had major reconstruction surgery in 2004. Which left me very disfigured. He would tell me everyday how beautiful I was. I fell in 2015 and brokw my neck which left me with out speech. The hardest thing was not being able to speak to him while he lay dying in our home. I was screaming inside. I wanted to tell him I love you baby.All I could do was stand there in silence. I am still screaming inside. Now I am so alone. I cannot eat so I don't need to go to the grocery store. No one calls me because I cannot talk. No one comes over. I tookl care of him all by myself. I washed him, shaved him I did it all. And I would do it all again proudly. I am just so lost. I have thought about ending it because I really do not matter much to anyone. If I do I sure do not feel it or see it. But I am so afraid I won't go to heaven if I do that. I have to see him again. I just have to. Lord help me. Valentine's Day about killed me. He always loved that day. He did it huge for me every year. It wasn't until then it hit me-no more surprises. No more special things. like a little note on the heaadboard with a arrow saying to go to the mirror. He would sned me all over the house to find my gift. I loved it. No more will I be thinking about the fun we would share. We did everything together. When we were both healthly we would leave at the same time for work. Had the same hours, same days off. It was great! I got sick first. Couldn't work. Then he got sick. May 31, 2016 I lost him. Right in my arms. In our home. He was 59. His funeral was the day after our anniversary and the day before his 60th Happy Birthday. That was one hard week for me........I love him.

msgood 02/20/2017

I am so very sorry for your loss. Hold on to your incredible love that you had with your husband it was surely something magical that you had. You can never lose that and will be forever in your heart.
Take care of your self. In time it does get better and you can see the light. Hugs to you
Jeannne

azsunshine 02/20/2017

I am so very sorry for all that you're going through. My husband went home to our Lord and Savior, Jesus on August 27, 2016. It was 2 weeks before our 36th anniversary. He was 63. He was the love of my life. He was on dialysis for 18 yrs and he lost his leg. He died of complications due to diabetes. Our faith in Jesus and His Word is the only thing that has gotten us through. Lean on Him. Monday will be 6 months and it's like it just happened. Don't ever give up, put your faith in the Lord. I started a journal soon after my husband passed. I tell him about my day and end with a prayer to the Lord. It has really helped me. I'm on my 3rd journal. I will leave you with a verse that keeps me moving: "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope & a future." Jeremiah 29:11. Take care and know that you are not alone in this journey.

Shrn 02/20/2017

I am so deeply sorry for your loss and I understand the pain you struggle with. This is not an easy task to work through, but together we can support each other through the process. Welcome to the group. Sharon

Missmyanne 02/20/2017

My story is very close to yours. We never fought. I told her almost everyday how beautiful she was. I loved to make her laugh. We didn't have the other complications you guys had. We were in relatively good health. Or so I thought.

My wife at 53 went into sudden cardiac arrest on July 8th. Emts got a heartbeat back but she never regained consciousness. I had to make the decision to end life support on the 13th.

You didn't need to say it out loud. He knew you loved him. I'm sure you told him that thousands of times when you did have your speach. HE KNEW!! Please don't dwell on that.

As far as ending it all. I am of your belief. And I am not a religious man. All those who do that do not get into heaven. We all have to wait our turn. That's the only way we get to see our loved ones again. We have to play it out. See what's next for us. With any luck he will be waiting for you and her me.

That's just my 2 cents. Good thoughts,love peace and hugs out to you my friend.

jdp 02/20/2017

Give yourself time, we all grieve in our own unique way..
For me it's been 3 years, my husband could have retired in 3 months, so this is my retirement, ALONE

You have wonderful memories, cherish the time you were given to spend together.
Highs..lows...in time they level out

Keep busy, while the weather has been cold I have been waking the mall.
A local hospital or church may sponsor support groups. It's beneficial to interact with others who have experienced the same loss.
Keep the faith
jdp

Once_Was_Called_Babygirl 02/22/2017

Thank you for telling me about your beautiful love. Having a love like that is SO rare. I, too had an unbelievable, but much too brief, love affair-marriage. Raymond was 60 when he died and we had marvelous plans to grow old, together. Who do you share those private jokes with, those intimate memories with, the little parts of your day with. Nobody else really gets it I find myself thinking that if I do enough good stuff, maybe he'll come back. Then when I have to remember again that he's not coming back, it hurts all over again. His laugh, his smile, his arms, his prayers...do I want to remember or forget? Not sure.

Proudokie 05/14/2017

Thank you so much for all your loving messages. I am still a basket case. I cannot do this. I really can't. I am not a baby at all. I mow my of beautiful yard. I painted my own house for pete's sake. But his is killing me. I am so lonely. I want HIM to hold me. I want him to sing to me. I want to hear his voice say Lover, God HELP ME!

shelda 05/14/2017

I am not going to pretend i know what your going through but i do think there is more happiness coming never the same way but different. Its been 14 months for me and i still feel like a alien here but i know there has to be something more..i survived without him before am not sure how but i did. We were together for 36 years and it takes time to recover from that loss..my one person who was my everything..i have no one to share with and our adult children think i am crazy so am alone except for my one son.I am so Grateful for him and i allow his love to warm me. I find small things that help me..watching the birds..we have cardinals living in our hedge,which i never noticed before..am starting to see things i never did before..give yourself time and be compassionate with yourself. Your Husband loved you never forget that. Must have been something that made you so very Special..Breathe and Pray its what i do everyday. Know your Loved as we are all where you are right now not the same as we are all different but we are all Human and all feel . Much Love ( Hugs)

MothSpirit 05/15/2017

It will take time and friends and prayer. It will get better. No one will ever take his place in your heart, ever. My husband and I were married 44 years. I was his 2d wife 15 1/2 years younger. I felt I was too old at 68 to ever find love again or even be hugged by someone besides my brother and best friends. But I did find someone who supports me in grief and when I see him occasionally (lives in another town and works, I am retired) I know that God wanted me to keep living, care for my pets and share my story with others. My husband was a lifetime painter like Picasso that was all he did and left me precious works of art that I am now sharing with others. We had no big arguments either, only love and appreciation for each other and our special gifts that we gave each other. I hope that you find a friend who will help you in your special needs to feel love again. Can you take a class to learn sign language? That could be a big help to communicate with others without speech and you would be supported in your journey out of grief into living again. Prayers and hope to you.

pshastri 07/07/2018

Hi. In 2006 you had provided me comfort when I thought I had Ora cancer. I was a senior in college then and you were the only one who supported me. I’ve never forgotten the comfort you sent me and I’ve thought of you often. I’m sending you love.

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