Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
OK,,so I recently hit my year markdid I really think that would be the benchmark,,,?? No,,,after 25 years + 5 together, I actually regressedI have had the worst two weeks of my griefNo relief at a year. Why?? I literally just got done crying into his few suits left in our closet and sobbing his nameI miss him terriblyI realized I have to face the same crap I faced the previous 12 months prior and I feel no different than I did before, but reality is really settling inNo spring or summer once again without him. It just gets more lonely without himI also realized shockingly I am feeling more distance from him,,,his touch and scent is going awayI don't recognize who I am anymorejust a bad cycle right nowneeded to vent.
I also need to admit (although I cannot always accomplish it) that I feel better if I force myself to stay active, doing something, even the most innocuous task. Perhaps, in time the warmth of the sun and the smiles at the memories of the wonder that he was, and of the love that we shared, will rule the day - instead of just my pathetic tendency to regret and feel bad, They say it will in time.
Please, let's stay in touch here and strong together!
Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks): We both had done the math. Kelly added it all up and... knew she had to let me go. I added it up, and knew that I had... lost her. 'cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
Somewhere in my second year I realized I had power over nothing. No amount of looking backwards, no amount of crying, no amount of raging anger could change a thing. The awful aloneness was a huge sea of despair. What was I to do? What could I do? I don't know if others, like Tom Hanks character, think about ending it all, but I sure did. I had been there at that thought once before in my life so I already knew the answer. Long ago I came to the decision that I would never kill myself that despite the circumstances I would remain defiant and survive. There I was with no options but to carry on. So began the painful process of living again. Making big decisions about what to do, where I would live, how I would go forward. So many tears, so much anguish, so much little girl foot stamping mad. How much can my soul take? Apparently a lot. Every step of the way I have become stronger and I owe it all to the love I have known, to the love that I have. The wings of love have blessed me and continue to bless me forever.... Cheryl
And I think even though no one died in that movie, literally but really both did figuratively. The one they were died. I am a better man becuse of my wife's involvment in my life no doubt but part of me died with her that day. A part I am hoping will be returned that day we are reunited. Even though marriage isn't the same as here our relationship will be not only different but stronger.
But back here the day in day out business of living takes it's toll on us all. The only way right now I get thru is knowing that one day gone is one day closer to her. So I will do what we had talked about over the years. I will stay open to posisbilities and try to be as happy as I know she would want me to be. I will always LOVE YOU LYN.
Peace everyone, Tim