Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband passed in March of this year and after a horrible group therapy experience I had found this site. I thought I was doing pretty good and getting over all the pain and managing. I have been under a huge amount of stress for the last 18 months and finally got some relief from the stress and I feel like a wrecking ball hit me hard in my heart.
I moved across country at the invite of my son. When I got here there was and is no support from him. I had to find a place to stay which I was told immediately after I got here. I was struggling finding a teaching job here. I finally found one that starts in January. And now all the pain, everything that I have been holding in and so many things I never shared with anyone is slamming me so hard about losing my best friend, my husband, my true love. I was with my husband for twenty years. I never wanted him to leave. I didn't want to be left all alone. All the anger, the hurt, the sadness is all back. I second guess the decisions I made while he was alive. I feel he would not be proud of me for the poor decisions I made since he passed. I have never felt so alone since I moved here in NC. All my friends and my mom are in AZ. The church I went to here is not supportive at all. I'm all alone dealing with all of this with no one to give me a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I was so depressed in November I thought about suicide. I pulled myself out of that deep depression on my own. I don't want to get that low again.
They don't have any support groups here in Jacksonville, NC and I am pulling at straws in an effort of trying to find some way of dealing with this massive amount of pain and I can't seem to find anyone when I do reach out. I stopped coming to this site because it hurt so much to even think about the loss. So I separated myself as much as I could because my plate was already too full of stress and other issues that had a more immediate need for my energy. Now, I'm just overwhelmed with so much pain.
This is horrible and so overwhelming to deal with all alone.
I moved across country at the invite of my son. When I got here there was and is no support from him. I had to find a place to stay which I was told immediately after I got here. I was struggling finding a teaching job here. I finally found one that starts in January. And now all the pain, everything that I have been holding in and so many things I never shared with anyone is slamming me so hard about losing my best friend, my husband, my true love. I was with my husband for twenty years. I never wanted him to leave. I didn't want to be left all alone. All the anger, the hurt, the sadness is all back. I second guess the decisions I made while he was alive. I feel he would not be proud of me for the poor decisions I made since he passed. I have never felt so alone since I moved here in NC. All my friends and my mom are in AZ. The church I went to here is not supportive at all. I'm all alone dealing with all of this with no one to give me a hug or a shoulder to cry on. I was so depressed in November I thought about suicide. I pulled myself out of that deep depression on my own. I don't want to get that low again.
They don't have any support groups here in Jacksonville, NC and I am pulling at straws in an effort of trying to find some way of dealing with this massive amount of pain and I can't seem to find anyone when I do reach out. I stopped coming to this site because it hurt so much to even think about the loss. So I separated myself as much as I could because my plate was already too full of stress and other issues that had a more immediate need for my energy. Now, I'm just overwhelmed with so much pain.
This is horrible and so overwhelming to deal with all alone.
When my dad retired (six years before he died), my parents moved out of state to be near my sisters family. In order to make this happen, my sister now owned one-third of my parents townhome. When my dad died, my sister insisted that my mother sell the townhome and move in with her. About one week later, my mother knew this was a mistake and wanted to move back into her townhome but my sister would not allow this. Three months later, I got a phone call from my sister asking for help in locating an apartment for my mother in California. It seems that my mothers presence in her home was causing a serious strain on my sisters marriage. So, my mother lost her husband of forty-seven years, lost her home and many of her possessions, was told by her beloved daughter that she had to move out, and then relocated across the county--all in the span of about three months. Where I lived was much too expensive, so the apartment I found for her was about twenty-five miles from my house. The lack of proximity (and the business of my own life) meant that I saw my mother, on average over the years, about once per month (my mother did not drive).
I have thought about this series of events many times over the years but never more so as I began my own journey of widowhood last December. My mom lived in that apartment complex for nine years. Eventually as she was aging, she did return to live near my sister (because my sister had the financial wherewithal to help pay for assisted living). Of course, my mother forgave my sister but my sister never forgave herself.
I know what that feeling of losing your best friend and soul mate feels like. But to have to leave the comfort of the environs that the two of you shared is too much. I totally understand why you would be feeling so shattered right now.
You need to feel like you "belong" somewhere and your son needs to step up to the plate of helping you to feel that way. I think if you were to go back to Arizona you would have the comfort that you so desire.
Talk to your son and explain to him that your comfort zone is with your mother and friends in Arizona and you need his help to get you back there.
I think your life will start to feel more settled and you will be more at peace around the folks who are supportive of you.
Roz
My children are in the military and it isn't feasible to go to any of them although they offered. Now I am here staying with friends (a gay couple) who don;t really get it. There's no one when I reach out, no hugs, no listening ear...
I haven't found a job yet as I lost mine. So I have found I have more time than I care to have to think and feel his loss. It is unbearable at times. Honestly the only thing that keeps me from rolling over and quitting is the little things that I know are signs that he is near. It may sound crazy but it is true. But some days anxiety and fear knocks the breathe out of me.I haven't found any support groups here either.
I wonder why the Divine would think I was able or ready to be here alone??Plainly this sucks!!
I am reaching for help and feel I'm getting slapped on the hand so to speak. One would think given that I came there for help they should have someone there that can talk to me or at least be kind enough to give me a few minutes of their time. Instead I left crying.
I spoke to a friend earlier when I just exploded in tears and was pacing. My heart was just hurting so very much for him. I didn't want to be left all alone. I didn't want to be so far away and left all alone to deal with all of this. And yes, this totally sucks!!
My friend listened and talked with me and helped me to a better place and I ended up laughing again.
My late husband would have been the one that I would have asked if I should have moved or not. Unfortunately, I couldn't ask him.
I need to just save up my money and move back to AZ or just try and make more friends here and make this work. I have met a female friend and she told me today that I can call her at anytime. I guess I needed her to offer that because I never call because I feel like I'm being an imposition or bumming people out.
Again, thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers!!!!