sweetie, I have been in your shoes. I had 9+ months without a drivers license (caused by severe medical condition) and had the same experience with MOST people totally ignoring my need for rides anywhere, including to go to church. If it wasn't for one angelic elderly neighbor lady, I would have starved to death for want of getting to and from the grocery store, Dr appointments etc.. Gotta love the lectures people give us, instead of grace and mercy and actual help.
Just yesterday I experienced a long litany of Questions & Answers during a call in which I was requesting prayer! It was like an inquisition for whether or not I "qualified" as being "a widow indeed", according to scripture. Questions about my adult family members etc & being examined as to why I would even be asking "the church" for help., as a widow. It is extremely hard.
We have been dropped off in a foreign land where nobody comprehends the language we speak, except for other widows.
I am not bitter, but hope I become more compassionate by experiencing all this pain. This is VERY painful emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. Yes, there is such a thing as spiritual pain.
No matter how much we try to have a backup plan, that does require help from others.
Big Hug to you!

Sounds like she was wanting you to tell her it was okay. People sure are amazing, aren't they? I am always amazed at the incredibly dumb things people say to the bereaved.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

Well, after two rounds of this, I most definitely do qualify as a "widow indeed." Yet I have received a minimal amount of help (from the church I have attended for 8 years). I won't starve. I have Meals on Wheels coming, and if worse comes to worse, I'll use Instacart. But no one offers to do any cleaning while I am in this arm/wrist brace. This accident has made me decide that the only way to go is to sell out and move. If I had had more help, I probably would not have been out in the garage on a step ladder in the first place. I have so many boxes stacked to the ceiling, and either I hire someone to bring them down to my level - OR - I bring in the estate sale people. Since I have limited space, I assume it will be the latter. I have started over from scratch before.

Until someone walks in your shoes, they can't give you advice. I too have learned that I need to be more compassionate to others because of my experience with being a widow.

I experienced the same isolation from what I now call former friends. I discovered Uber, Lyft, and Costco grocery 2 hour delivery, Fresh Food market, and Amazon same day deliveryand haven’t looked backed.

NOW my landlord decides to send someone out to do repairs. I think it's only because I deducted the cost of the smoke alarm off the rent. I am trying to gear up for my surgery Tuesday morning. Wondering if I'll have to go it alone again. I've asked my son to stay with me a few nights, but he hasn't committed. I ordered $50 worth of needed items from walmart.com and got free shipping. Unfortunately they don't ship everything. We learn how to improvise and survive. I have used a branch of Uber before also. Christmas? Wedding gifts? All that will have to wait. Or I'll send gift cards. I hope to be driving again in about a month.

This will be my first Christmas in 60 years without my true love. Even when he was in the Marines he was always home for Christmas. I'm not sure how I'm going to make it through these next couple of weeks but I know I somehow will. I've kept busy with holiday concerts, luncheons, etc. but they cannot compete with the sadness in my heart. My faith and memories are my best defense against depression which I am grateful for. I continue to pray for the strength to get through each day. On that note I have to say "Merry Christmas" to everyone. God Bless.

People mean well by offering help but following through by actually helping doesn't always happen. As widows we have to be prepared for everything life throws at us, as we are it, on our own and it can be sooooo hard. I know this is a weird remark to make but when I became a widow, a neighbor widower brought me over Depends, thought I could use them. What!?, ok then, still puzzled over that! Becoming a widow does not mean I need Depends. Suppose he was trying to be helpful but 9 yrs later still shaking my head on that one. Life sure is interesting being alone.

loveloons, I had a good laugh about the Depends. Maybe your neighbor was trying to find out if you had anything in common LOL. It's been 5 days since my second surgery, and it seems everyone went into hiding. My son came over and wiped out my shower, but that was all I could get out of him. I purposely stayed home from church this morning. I feel like I need to rest. The last three months have been draining. My landlord finally did send out a young punk to fix my hot water heater. It was the guy who instigated the prank call last year. I guess he thought I might retaliate, because he had to go to Lowe's for a part, and when he came back, he asked me if I had turned the electricity back on for any reason! Yeah, right. Like I wanted a corpse in my bedroom closet. So anyway, I now have hot water for the bathtub and can't take a bath yet. I'm going to try to take a shower today - very carefully. It is true that others equate widowhood with senility and put all these false labels on us. Anyone can fall off a ladder. If I had had some help with the garage, maybe this would not have happened. I was aggravated because my landlord was pressuring me to have our water and light rep come and replace all my light bulbs with LED. Yet they had neglected to replace a smoke detector. I finally ordered one and had my son do it, then took it off the rent. Smart move, because it got them a little motivated. I will probably hibernate this winter for the most part, but I will be making plans also for my future. I'm determined to have one, regardless of who gets hair-lipped.

I wanted to add that I had to move things out of the closet with one hand to give the plumber room to work. However, I left all my clothes hanging up. It occurred to me that he might raise up and have his head inside one of my skirts. That would have been hilarious! The carpet did get a little wet from him having to drain the tank, and then I had to go get a fan and carry it in there with one hand. He didn't offer to do it. Some things simply amaze me. Also the fact that he attends my church and had to ask me what the "deal" was. I fell on Sept. 24. Go figure.

Wow Lovesloons, I didn't know being inDEPENDent meant that! What on earth was he thinking??!