Sorry for my awful spelling by the way. Its the silly auto correct on my phone trying to guess what I want to say. 'Sewing other projects" should be seeing other couples!

The classic for me was standing in the market with an avocado in each hand trying to figure out which one was the best one to buy, and remembering how Cliff would wax poetic over the virtues of avocados and the right way to choose a good one. And I burst into tears. I got some pretty strange looks from my fellow shoppers, standing there weeping in the fruit and veg aisle, avocados in hand. I put them down and left.

It is often the little things that are the hardest. I tried going to the supermarket at a different time - I thought that might make it easier as we used to do all the shopping together. I wound up there at the same time as all the elderly couples were there shopping. I saw a couple in their 80's holding hands, shuffling up the aisle. And I started to lose it. How come they got a whole lifetime and we didn't? Then I turned around and saw a young family with little kids - with their whole lives ahead of them. That sent me over the edge and I had to leave again.

What you are experiencing is typical for the point you are at. Hang in there, you can get through this, and it will get easier.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

My husband passed away about the same time as your boyfriend, and every day is a challenge. I think December wasnt quite as hard, since I was so busy getting ready for Christmas. This month isnt quite as busy, so its the little things that bother me more. I have a hard time seeing couples together, that used to me us...We were going to grow old together, we always told each other that. I miss giving him a back and neck rub...he used to get goosebumps! I loved the touch of his skin...I loved just waking up next to him in the morning, except the very last one...Take care....Patricia

There are so many instances that trigger my tears. A song from a commercial and he would do his silly dance, couples having breakfast and I sit alone. So many things I took for granted, sometimes not feeling like going to breakfast, or going out for lunch. While he was out, he would always called to see I wanted something to eat. I was sharing with one of my friends, how now I have to go out on my own and I have to pay for it.

Last night, I tried to remember what it was like to sleep next to him, and wake up next to him. He moved to his own room 16 years ago when he had his bladder and prostate removed. from cancer. I DO remember was waken up in the mornings by being shoved in the floor, and hit the floor. He would snuggle until at the end of the night, I would be on the edge. Then one more and would hit the floor, so I would get up. (I only weighed 104)...It has been so long, I can't remember. Then I wonder I would ever be able to sleep with anyone again?

wow... I was only 48 then

i found after the first night I tried I could not sleep on "my side" anymore. I always sleep on her side now. I just feel better sleeping exactly where she slept. It is the little things as well. Her smell. If I smell it somewhere I just get flushed all over.

I sleep on my husband's side of the bed also. And I sit in his chair at the table.