Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Driftersoul 10/08/2014

Here I am at almost three years of the death of my "Mr. Nounours" (Mister Teddy Bear) and I have a major, breakdown.... It shouldn't be. I have no idea what triggered it!!! I was fine last night (I did go swimming non stop for over 40 minutes though!) Not sure if the hormones are to blame too, or the fact that his birthday is coming up (same day as his diagnosis of GBM now 5 years ago - of which he died 2 years later), the fact that I have to haul out our sail boat yet again without him for a third time. It should not be like this. I sold the house, started working part time again (after 3 years without working, I needed this job) and I am even dating a very, very nice gentleman. And yet right now, as I am working from home (thank God no one can see me thourgh a camera!!!) I miss him soooo much..... no one of my family or friends would even suspect that. Why is it after almost 3 years, it feels like yesterday? It still feels incredible that he is not here???? Oh God it is soo hard....The weather here is so foul I can not go to the cemetery. So once more, I reach out to cyber space. Driftersoul

nowjustme 10/08/2014

I'm so sorry you are going through this. A friend of mine when through the same thing at 3 yrs. She rejoined grief share after it happen. I just passed the 3 yr mark myself and figured it would hit me also, just wondering when it will happen for me.

I don't know what to tell you, we are all in the same boat. Try a grief group or maybe counseling. We just have to keep plugging along till it gets better. Be thankful you have someone in your life to get you through, I wish I did (I think)
Hugs,
JoAnn

Driftersoul 10/08/2014

Dear JoAnn,
Thank you for your answer. Yes I have "someone"in my life, but how on earth do you tell your "new someone" that you are crying for your "old someone"???? At the same time, on my work laptop, I am communicating with my boss. Lord, I should be nominated for an Oscar!!!!! As for grief groups, I did go to one, and it was so depressing I did not see the end of the tunnel! You say you are wondering when it will happen for you since you too are approaching the 3 year mark. I pray it does not hit you. It feels like Day 1 all over again. Why now?????

Shrn 10/08/2014

I found my husband's birthday quite difficult even after years of being without him. I also found that the anticipation of the day worse than the day itself. We all have key times that effect us, but we also have days of being able to cope better than in the early times. I think you are doing fine, just keep taking those steps to tomorrow. Sharon

marjoe 10/08/2014

Why do you think it's not ok to feel this way? Your love is gone and you miss him - just because we're living and doing doesn't negate that fact. And the length of time doesn't seem to matter - at least that's how it seems to me. Just my .02!

laney77 10/08/2014

Maybe the breakdown is because you are doing so well. I feel that grief is a passenger always riding with me. Most of the time she's silent, distant but then out of no where she grabs the wheel and crashes the damn car. I'm at 4 1\2 years and I can tell you from experience it just happens. I agree with you that discussing your grief with the new love would be hard, but I bet he'd listen, and hold you, and understand without feeling threatened. The love you shared with your dearly departed is testimony to the fact that you love whole heartedly. This new man should see how blessed he is to have found such a loving woman. My sister has been on the other end of the phone during one of these crashes. My advice is to phone a friend, share your angst, say his name. Gentle hugs, Lori

Driftersoul 10/09/2014

Many thanks for your kind words all of you. Lori your message in particular really resonates with me. I love the analogy you make of grief being a passenger and then crashes the whole thing! You guys are the best. I am very happy to have found this support group. It is everything I need. I feel better this morning and the sun is shining. Cold but yes the sun came out today. Thank you, Driftersoul

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