Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I am doing my best here at the house answering questions the kids have and some things are hard to answer because that was so her department. I had to take Midol and other things to the high school for our daughter yesterday only to be told I brought the wrong ones, oh well lesson learned lol.
I spent the last 15 years with one woman who I would not betray. I don't mean that I am thinking about it but I would not even give a lady a ride home from work unless Meredith was with me. I only ever belonged alone with one woman and that was her. If I was counseling a lady at the church Meredith was there. I avoided even the hint of impropriety, because she was my world I made sure to my best that she knew it.
Now I have so many women offering to come to the house and help with what ever I need for my daughter, but how do I approach this? It feels wrong to me to have women in the house that is not Meredith. I am fine if their husband is here also but my mind goes back to even the hint of impropriety.
Like I said it is odd sounding but it is who I am and I am unsure how to deal with this. Tomorrow (2/13/16) is Kaitlyn's first Sweet Heart Swirl dance as a Freshman at the high school. I learned to dress shop this week but I am not a hair and makeup guy lol. I feel like I am all of a sudden breaking rules I have held and never faltered on.
I spent the last 15 years with one woman who I would not betray. I don't mean that I am thinking about it but I would not even give a lady a ride home from work unless Meredith was with me. I only ever belonged alone with one woman and that was her. If I was counseling a lady at the church Meredith was there. I avoided even the hint of impropriety, because she was my world I made sure to my best that she knew it.
Now I have so many women offering to come to the house and help with what ever I need for my daughter, but how do I approach this? It feels wrong to me to have women in the house that is not Meredith. I am fine if their husband is here also but my mind goes back to even the hint of impropriety.
Like I said it is odd sounding but it is who I am and I am unsure how to deal with this. Tomorrow (2/13/16) is Kaitlyn's first Sweet Heart Swirl dance as a Freshman at the high school. I learned to dress shop this week but I am not a hair and makeup guy lol. I feel like I am all of a sudden breaking rules I have held and never faltered on.
As far as women helping your daughter with girly things, she will need to have a choice in Who that is too. May take some trial & error too, on her part.
The women also may have obligations so you need to give them enough notice to schedule the deal.
Once you and daughter decide who is on that acceptable List of girly-helpers, then you can still use your own conscience to decide who else you want/feel is appropriate to have present during those times.
Or, realistically, if they are coming over to help your girl, 'you' are never really alone with the women at all.
I know from experience that some people will jump on a recent widow, so I thik you are right to keep boundaries up if you don't feel ready to date again yet. I don't know how long its' been since your wife's death but it's good to take a respectful interval of however long you need.
I would say if your daughter is a freshman in high school, and omg good luck with that, I imagine parenting teenage girls as a single father is quite difficult, let her decide who helps her get ready for the dance. Ask your daughter who she wants to help her. She may have friends. i know teenage girls love to get ready with their friends. She may appreciate the offer of one of the women to come over an help and perhaps that would be nice for her.
As you feel ready, it is okay to let people into your life. Just set boundaries and do what you think is right. Remember, if this woman is coming over to help your daughter she will be alone far more with your daughter then yourself.
If you do take one of them up on the offer to help you probably want to make sure your daughter is there the whole time (i.e. waiting with you for them to show up).
Kaitlyn and I talked after I read several of the posts. She picked a lady from the church to help and I a going to go to work tomorrow so that I am not home. Kaitlyn will come to my job after she is all fixed up and let me see how she looks. She can have some time with the lady from the church and I do not feel like I compromised my honor of my wife. Took reading these posts to get the idea.
Thank You All
John
Peace, Tim
It wasn't easy. I spent a lot of nights cussing Cliff out for leaving me behind and having to deal with it all without him. I was angry at God for leaving my boys without the father that they needed, so OBVIOUSLY needed. But at the end of the day, we got through it, and we all became closer and more respectful of each other through our grieving and growing together.
I wouldn't automatically decide someone else can do the job better just because of their gender. You're her father, she's going to need to lean on you because you're the one she trusts. Don't be afraid to tackle some new territory - you can do this. I am not fantastic at all the stuff Cliff was able to do, but my boys appreciated me trying to do it and trying to teach them what I know. Your daughter will, too.
Love and Hugs,
Martha