Last night I was watching on TV, HGTV, where couples were looking at retirement homes to buy to move to when they retired in 15 years. They were 50. As I watched, I said to myself, what makes them think they will both be around to enjoy it in 15 years? I think negative anymore. Best of luck to you. Sandee

Pam, I'm so sorry for your loss. As we all know here, plans change and sometimes not by choice.

But your plans have definitely changed and the SC house is no longer part of them. I know there will be emotions surrounding it but I think you're making an excellent, intelligent choice. And you're right. Once it's done you'll definitely feel better. A weight will be lifted.

I wish you luck and peace. Jerry - fellow Jersey boy transplanted to Florida :)

Making major decisions is just traumatic now, isn't it? I was so stressed out when I made the decision to drop the health insurance that we had had for 40 years and go on Obamacare. But, when the finances demand change, there is not much that we can do, is there? It sounds like you have thought your circumstances through and are making the best decision for your situation. Be at peace.

I am in the process of selling our home in Florida. I don't think you will have to go to some of the extremes I have had to go, so hopefully your transition will be easier. I had to get rid of everything we ever owned, and that was incredibly traumatic. I had nightmares for weeks after I returned to England. Then the house was broken into and thieves stole the AC system and all the copper plumbing, broke windows, and I had to file an insurance claim and I am out the deductible. Before repairs could be made, the house was broken into again and the fridge was stolen - out the front door and in broad daylight we think - and it had a water line for the ice maker which they broke and it flooded the kitchen. I was lucky it was all tile or the flooring would have been ruined. For me, this has been a very hard process, and I have had to manage it from 5,000 miles away.

The only good news is that I have a buyer and we should be closing in a couple weeks. I will take a huge loss on the house, but at least I will get enough to pay off a few debts, and I won't be stuck with the mortgage payments anymore.

My last day at the house, I spent cleaning, and then went for one last swim in the pool. Cliff and I used to swim together a lot, cuddled in the pool, he loved the pool. I swam awhile, then sat on the steps and just wept and wept. We were supposed to be there together. It will be good for me to be free of the house.

To make things easier for yourself, take photos so you can reminisce later if you want to. Be careful about having a for sale sign in front of the house as thieves are looking for those, and with all the photos that get posted online when you list a house, it's like online shopping for thieves. You may want to have a security system installed, and double-check your insurance policy coverages. My insurance adjuster said she was getting calls from all over the USA every single day for stolen ACs, and SC is like FL - you can't survive without AC.

Emotionally I hope yours goes better than mine has. Staying near family sounds like the right move for you, and you have thought it through, which is good. I hope it all goes smoothly for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Sorry I can't be of much help. We downsized before Don was diagnosed, but wish you well in your decision. Sharon

Pam,
What you're doing is exactly what I had to do. We've owned a "retirement" home since 1977. It's never been vacant because we've always leased it out. Morey wanted us to live in it, one day. It was close to a lake and his plans were to fish and laze away the days.

The upkeep and maintenance on this home were overwhelming at times and required a lot of attention, but it was a great home.

When Morey passed it was too much for me and the tenant was becoming a nightmare!

I put it up for sale and it sold in one week. I split the money with my children, paid off all our debts and can now quit work myself, if I want to. That's so nice to be able to say!

The house is about 1 hours drive from where I live now and, with my daughter, we go and visit it. I share stories of her dad and my plans for our life together as we grew older.......it was not to be!

What I did was the best for my life now; giving my children some of the proceeds affords them more freedom and peace of mind. It's not what Morey would have done but it's MY LIFE NOW! Just like it's YOUR LIFE NOW!

Do your redecorating, free up your money, get that mortgage off your back and start thinking about YOU now.

I never was a selfish wife or person but life has taught me to think more of me now!

I cry my way through a lot of it but I suppose those tears are the price that we widow's must pay!

Roz

We sold our retirement place a few months before Capri died. I wasn't keen on the idea but she insisted. She said that place had been our dream but it was time to let it go and find a new dream. I confess I didn't clearly understand what she meant at the time but she was a smart girl. Letting it go freed us to really share those last few months together. It also gave me room to grieve and begin to dream again. I recently moved to a new place of my own. I too have felt sad and excited at the same time. The process has shown me that I have the capacity to dream again. You're making plans, that's good. Just keep moving forward.
Peace and ((hugs ))
John

My husband left me 14 acres of land and our home on 2 acres. I was busy doing lawn mowing and feed his horses. It was exhausting. I sold the land at a loss but it freed up the huge property tax on that. I sold my house in July. It took me forever to move out of the house. It was daunting. Finally my daughter and my brother in law came to move the final things out when I was at work. I took video of the house. The real estate agent have the house photo turned in a pencil drawing from a website and gave each of my daughters and me a print of the house drawing, a very thoughtful gesture. I built a tiny house on my daughter's property and park myself there for as long as I want. It takes getting used to. I can't find anything in this new tiny place. I missed all the things that I gave up, but I do feel a load off my shoulder. I hope you will feel better or relieved once it is sold. Hugs.

Sandee it isn't negative to think like that it is "real" when I met my husband that was all he thought about was retirement plans. I told him look how many folks put their eggs in that one basket & never make it to that point. While he was a good planner he did take some advice from me which helped him retire earley. He lost a few bucks by doing so but as it turned out had he waited he would have only collected his social security for a yr. I have had to make big changes too & it has only been 3 months. It is awful to have to deal with such things when you hurt so much. Part of our new reality is that it changes many things. For me my lesson is once I get it all squared away I want to make it simple for my children when my time to leave comes. We have had so much to do, my husband planned on just about everything but dying. I shouldn't say that last yr he purchased us graves because I was nagging about simplifying our lives for our loved ones. So while I don't own much I own a plot right next to him, if it gets to be too much financially wonder if the cemetery would let me put one of those tiny houses on it ( kidding of course ,..I think)

Yes, yes, my husband, Joe and I had a lovely beach home just 3 blocks from the ocean. Joe passed in 2008 and I lived there alone for 2 years, but finally leased it out and bought another home inland. there was no mortgage, both homes are paid for, but I could not tolerate the harsh Oregon Coast storms all alone. Now I am in a different town with no friends. Being a widow sucks! i have met a fellow online my age and might drive to visit him, mor for the companionship than anything else!

So, yes, many of us have been in your shoes! KK

Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and reassurance. I was happy to see that no one took the sentimental route and thought I should reconsider selling. Your responses confirmed my decision and you're all "the wind beneath my wings".
Thanks again,
Pam